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Old 09-28-2012, 10:20 AM   #1
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 27
Please grade my essay and suggest changes..:)

Sorry about the pdf...i wanted it to be a bit realistic..so i werote it scanned it and uploaded..
its only 12 lines a page x4

http://www.mediafire.com/view/?8weozzioda92wlx

Thanking u in advance..
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Old 09-28-2012, 11:54 AM   #2
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Join Date: Aug 2012
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Your most important weakness is that your handwriting. It is soooooooo illegible!!! I just can read the introduction, so let's talk about it. It seems that you overuse many common expressions. You should make it brief and get straight to the topic.

PS: try to improve your handwriting or it will lower your score.
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Old 09-28-2012, 12:44 PM   #3
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Thank U....I will correct that...and sorry abt my handwriting...i actually write better...i wrote the essay and i though i will grade it myself...then i had this idea..so just put it up here..and thanks a lot for atleast trying to read it..

And Is it okay to post more essays in this same thread..or is there any separate section for it..?
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Old 09-29-2012, 01:07 AM   #4
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Keep posting more essays on this thread!
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Old 09-29-2012, 04:03 AM   #5
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please rate this essay

Prompt:

Nowadays nothing is private: our culture has become too confessional and self-expressive.
People think that to hide one’s thoughts or feelings is to pretend not to have those thoughts
or feelings. They assume that honesty requires one to express every inclination and impulse.
Adapted from J. David Velleman, “The Genesis of Shame”



Assignment:

Should people make more of an effort to keep some things private? Plan and write an essay in which you
develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from
your reading, studies, experience, or observations.


Answer:

I am of the opinion that whether or not to keep something private does not have a general and objective answer. It rather depends on "What the confidential information is?", "With whom one intends to share?" and "What are the probable consequences of revealing the truth?" One needs to scrutinize on the issue at hand with subtly. Trying to be 'very secretive' as well as 'expressive about everything' could culminate a disastrous situation.
One of the situations where it is usually a good idea to share is the one involving the welfare or the society or others. This would inculcate information mandated by government or surveys. Correspondingly, such entities should pledge to keep such information secret. For example, a survey on one's sexual orientation-if he belongs to LGBT community-would help his community to be well represented, if their number is large. In return, they would want privacy from the statisticians. Anything involving national security must be reported immediately even if you are plagued with guilt or embarrassment in some way.
One must not be possessive about feelings with the close ones. Friends and family are two kinds of people with whom it is advisable to be confessional. This will not only lessen your burden but also provide you with new prospects and solutions. For instance, telling your parents about any problem, as a youth, would be embarrassing but my experience tells that their wisdom will inevitably help in some way. Keeping secrets with spouse would be a risk one dare not take for the sake of a trustworthy relationship.
However, there are scenarios where a lie would be mutually beneficial. Showing contempt or scorn for other's traits, revealing one's despicable moments from past etc. would make one less respectable. Confession could have any, expected or bizarre, consequence. Immediate wisdom would impeccably be bliss in such issues.
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