This is my first practice SAT essay. I received a score of 8 the last time I took SAT and am hoping to improve my score. Please read my essay and tell me your thoughts! Any criticism is welcome
Assignment: Do the actions of high achievers benefit all people? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.
Ambitious, high-achievers benefit immensely from their own hard work, but they do not benefit alone- the society as a whole earns something from their passion as well. George Washington was born as an ordinary boy in Virginia, not particularly special in any way. He, however, managed to coin his name in every textbook and managed to become the face of the U.S. dollar bill. How did he accomplish such a feat? He, for one thing, worked hard and refused to give up. When he was only 21 years old, he was given the task of going to the French Empire and requesting them to give the Louisiana territory back to Virginia. The French empire laughed, humiliated him, and goaded him back home. Years later, when he was the commander of the U.S. army against Britain for U.S. Independence, he refused to give up regardless of all the hardships he faced. During the cold winter, his army lacked boots, so they had to walk barefeet on the frozen ground. Their feet were bleeding and soon the snow was tainted with blood. The army begged Washington to surrender but he refused, giving inspiring speeches to the soldiers to convince them to continue on. Despite all the events that would have encouraged others to give up, Washington was not influenced one bit. With firm determination he fought on, eventually leading the U.S. to victory. He was voted to be America’s first president and is now praised as one of the best generals in history. Washington, through hard work, not only made his name immortal, but benefited U.S. as a whole by leading it to independence.
Even though our circumstances are very contrasting, I had a similar experience as well. As the captain of my bowling league, I knew that the only way to lead is by example. Therefore, I practiced more than 20 hours a week and was finally able to achieve a very high average of 250. This hard work benefited me greatly because I earned a college scholarship for my excellence, but it did not stop there. My teammates who were usually very lazy and willing to do anything to get out of practice were inspired by my success. They started practicing with me; at first five hours a week as all they could commit, but soon, they were putting in 10 and even 15 hours of practice each week. Because of this, my team’s score skyrocketed; we won the state championship and will be attending the national championship next month. My hard work, in this case, helped both my team and myself.
Nowadays, high achievers are regarded with contempt, often called “nerds” and “teacher’s pets”. Even though high achievers might be viewed as annoying, before criticizing them, considering the positive impact they have on society is vital.