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Grade my ESSAY?

Tyler09Tyler09 Posts: 2,768Registered User Senior Member
edited March 2007 in SAT Preparation
-Hey could you guys grade my SAT essay and give me feedback, particularly on how to improve and what about it works.

Prompt:Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.

We often hear that we can learn much about someone or something just by casual observation. We are not required to look beneath the surface or to question how something seems. In fact, we are urged to trust our impressions, often our first impressions, of how a person or a situation seems to be. Yet appearances can be misleading. What ?seems? isn?t always what is.

Is the way something seems to be not always the same as it actually is? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.

My Essay:

Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.

We often hear that we can learn much about someone or something just by casual observation. We are not required to look beneath the surface or to question how something seems. In fact, we are urged to trust our impressions, often our first impressions, of how a person or a situation seems to be. Yet appearances can be misleading. What ?seems? isn?t always what is.

Is the way something seems to be not always the same as it actually is? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.

Your Response

Starting from the days when we were only children, we have been taught that first impressions are not always correct; perhaps mom and dad were getting at something. Just because a person or situation appears to be one way, that is not always the same as the way it actually is. This is especially evident in the children's of To Kill a Mockingbirds dealing with the mysterious Boo Radley and in my personal experience with Volunteering at Sunset Retirement Village.
In the heart-warming novel, To Kill a Mockingbird, Jem and Scout are excited by the concept of the mysterious Boo Radley. At a first glance of his house and based on the numerous tales they've been told, the believe Boo to be some kind of menacing ghost who feeds on children. But when they began to look beneath the surface they realized that they could not have been further from the truth. Boo was in fact a sympathetic, genuine person who protected them from the dangers of their society. Had Jem and Scout just relied on their casual observations, they would have never understood just how amicable Boo really was. Not only in fiction, but also in real life we are all, including myself, guilty of judging based on casual observations.
When my parents originally told me that i was going to have to become more involved in the community, i was lukewarm on the subject. But when they informed me that to start I was to visit Sunset Retirement Village to aid the elderly, i was appalled. From the few visits I had made in a similar retirement home I believed them to be boring, foul-smelling, and filled with an incredibly drab collection of old people. But on reflection I now see that my perspective was indeed flawed. The senior's in the community were warm and receptive. They all had such colorful stories to tell and fiery opinions concerning the modern world. I would have never been familiar with any of these positive qualities if i had relied on mere casual observation.
In conclusion, judging people and situations solely on their outward appearance is a mistake that keeps us from personal growth. Jem and Scout, in addition to myself, are excellent examples of how digging beneath the surface can lead to a more rich and fulfilling life. While intuition is what shields us from danger, impressions only shield us from opportunities to flourish. Those Opportunities are the ones that are most precious.
Post edited by Tyler09 on

Replies to: Grade my ESSAY?

  • CoopjustCoopjust Posts: 784Registered User Member
    OK, I would say 7 of 12 (3 for one grader, 4 for another). You're on the right track! The main problem is that the essay lacks organization and distinct chunks. If you learn how to organize the essay, I think you could learn how to get a 10.

    Things I liked:
    +Your examples were solid. Boo is a very misunderstood character, and the impression of the elderly home is one that many people (including the grader) can connect to.
    +The vocab
    + spelling seems good overall.
    + You didn't use the word "prove". This actually can upset graders...because it depends on your opinion, it isn't verifiable fact. Avoiding that helps leaving a sour opinion.

    What I didn't like:
    -Your intro was decent, but it sets the mood for the rest of your essay! Compared to any other paragraph, the intro is most important b/c the reader will spend the most time reading it and will either be harsher or easier while grading your essay. My suggestion for order.
    Question (Are things always what they seem) or statement (Since childhood, our parents have taught us that things are not always what they seem to be). If you use a question, viewpoints (Some believe *this*, others believe *that*). If a statement, support it. what you believe, and state the things in order that you'll present them.
    -There isn't any flow between paragraphs. Make sure you have transitions! It helps.
    -Your examples were good, but a third would have helped you through it.
    -Theres some repetition and some awkward phrasing (Just because a person or situation appears to be one way, that is not always the same as the way it actually is.).

    My suggestion? Give a couple minutes to plan out examples and the order, take 5-10 minutes to write the intro, write the rest.
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