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Opinions Needed for My Essay

c112112c112112 Posts: 40Registered User Junior Member
edited January 2008 in SAT Preparation
Prompt: The people we call heroes do not usually start out as unusual. Often they are ordinary people subject to ordinary human weaknesses—fear, doubt, and self-interest. In fact, they live ordinary lives until they distinguish themselves by having to deal with an injustice or a difficult situation. Only then, when they must respond in thought and in action to an extraordinary challenge, do people begin to know their strengths and weaknesses.

Assignment: Do people learn who they are only when they are forced into action? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.

People learn who they are only when they are forced into action. Although some may think they can know some thing without extraordinary challenges, understanding cannot be achieved without forced action. Episodes form my life clearly illustrate such a point.
We can only conquer our shortcomings when we are forced into action. I used to be a shy boy and did not talk much. However, I was elected as the monitor in my first high school year. That position made me to talk much: I had to be the medium between my peers and teachers, and I also had to discourse my weekly report in front of my class, all those above made me change. Initially, even though shy, I bravely continued my career and in the end of the term, I found I could even be competent to hold a ceremony confidently! It is just the requirement of the monitor let me know I am capable to overcome my shortcomings.

We can only know what we really good at when we are forced into action. When I was the monitor of the class, some of my peers had thought they excelled in everything and ask for every job possible from me. I just told my peers to pay more attention to practice in order to truly achieve a good knowledge of their strongpoint and assign them available jobs and let they decide whether they were good at them. After practice, they stopped fancying, and participated in what they were really good at, but not their dreams. Only when they were forced into action did them realize their strongpoint.

We can only find the best occupations fit for them when they are forced into action. My math teacher told me that she had initially wanted to be a successful business man. However, after a long time of business practice, she became fed up with its crafts and accepted our school's offer to be a math teacher. She told me, only at school, she could feel the great fulfillment and live every day colorfully. It was just when my teacher was forced into action did she found the best occupation for her.

Whether we conquer our shortcomings, know our strongpoint, or find the best occupation, all of those result when we are forced into action. People learn who they are only when they are forced into action.
Post edited by c112112 on

Replies to: Opinions Needed for My Essay

  • c112112c112112 Posts: 40Registered User Junior Member
    How do you find my essay? I feel my essay is a bit awkward and my thesis is somewhat childish. Could you give me some suggestions? Could I get a score above 8?
  • skatjskatj Posts: 837Registered User Member
    Your first paragraph is a body paragraph?

    And use transitions, I see 'we' and 'we' as the first words of two paragraphs, (and 'whether we').

    Don't have time to read anything else.
  • c112112c112112 Posts: 40Registered User Junior Member
    People learn who they are only when they are forced into action. Although some may think they can know some thing without extraordinary challenges, understanding cannot be achieved without forced action. Episodes form my life clearly illustrate such a point.

    We can only conquer our shortcomings when we are forced into action. I used to be a shy boy and did not talk much. However, I was elected as the monitor in my first high school year. That position made me to talk much: I had to be the medium between my peers and teachers, and I also had to discourse my weekly report in front of my class, all those above made me change. Initially, even though shy, I bravely continued my career and in the end of the term, I found I could even be competent to hold a ceremony confidently! It is just the requirement of the monitor let me know I am capable to overcome my shortcomings.

    We can only know what we really good at when we are forced into action. When I was the monitor of the class, some of my peers had thought they excelled in everything and ask for every job possible from me. I just told my peers to pay more attention to practice in order to truly achieve a good knowledge of their strongpoint and assign them available jobs and let they decide whether they were good at them. After practice, they stopped fancying, and participated in what they were really good at, but not their dreams. Only when they were forced into action did them realize their strongpoint.

    We can only find the best occupations fit for them when they are forced into action. My math teacher told me that she had initially wanted to be a successful business man. However, after a long time of business practice, she became fed up with its crafts and accepted our school's offer to be a math teacher. She told me, only at school, she could feel the great fulfillment and live every day colorfully. It was just when my teacher was forced into action did she found the best occupation for her.

    Whether we conquer our shortcomings, know our strongpoint, or find the best occupation, all of those result when we are forced into action. People learn who they are only when they are forced into action.
  • c112112c112112 Posts: 40Registered User Junior Member
    Sorry, the first paragraph is the introduction paragraph. There may be some glitches in my Microsoft Word.
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