can you guys give me a score for this essay ? ? ? ?
I'm really suck at English...................
If you correct mine, I'll be glad to you ! ! !
Here is my essay.
"If you rest, you rust."
I entirely agree with this statement: "If you rest, you rust." In fact, I had seen my friend who had failed to the test by his sluggish. Also, I had been seen two of South Korea Presidents: Mr. Noh and Mr Park.
My friend was top 10 student at Korean High School. He and I had competed each other in Academics since I was top 10 as well. He always, however, had surpassed me by two or three place until he indulge himself in indolence. I saw depravity of my friend; he was too confident by himself and did not study as hard as before he did. He thought he can still be top 10 without study hard. He always played game, met girlfriend, and smoked even during the final period. I felt as if a cloud settled over him. After final, a teacher gave the students their transcript. He failed. I got top 10.
Another example, there were two South Korea Presidents who had succeed and failed. Mr. Park, at first, who was the President in 1970 was army in South Korea, and he got power by a military coup. He, at that time, was condemned by nation. However, Mr. Park did so many good things during his period. Especially, his project, known as "New Region Project", was praised by all nation. This project had brought up South Korea's economy. According to "Jo Sun Il Bo", which is the famous newspaper in South Korea at that time, South Korea's GDP, Gross Donation Products, was risen from 7,000 dollars to 9600 dollars. All these things could have happened by his assiduous work.
In contrast, Mr. Noh who was President in 2002 to 2007 was took criticism by his indolence. Simply, he did not do anything during his period. He even went to movie theater to watch movie with his wife. The most worst thing is that he said he want to abdicate and be a farmer without any burden although he actually did nothing. For these reasons, the nation confidence degree of Mr. Noh had been falling by 22% in 2007.
Once people be indolence, then they do not want to do anything, and this sloth make them to be rust. My friend and Mr. Noh had corrupted by their idleness. If you rest, you must be rust.