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A 12 Essay: Very Poorly Written and Wrong Use of Vocabulary

chronicfuture12chronicfuture12 Posts: 1,538- Member
edited January 2009 in SAT Preparation
Alright, just in case anyone is interested, I am going to type up my essay real quick and show you how such poor writing and grammar can still lead to a 12 with the correct formula. Here is mine:

Success can be defined as achieving a previously established goal. Although perseverence often ameliorates a goal, actual ability is the critical aspect of following through in an idea. In all facets of history, a person's talent rather than persistence has defined how big his empire extended, how strong his power is over the people, and ultimately, how successful the person concluded. Overall, ability conquers persistence due to the respect it garners, the decisions it creates, and the true power it wields.

When one looks into history, he will note that the greatest empires and countries were led by ingenious individuals who gained the respect of their constituents. An unfortunate example lies in the life of Adolf Hitler. Although his plans were filled with anathema and animocities towards other races, yet he was able to gain the overwhelming faith of millions. The reason for this is because he had such a great charisma and presence that his ability alone was able to orchestrate his plans. Although he succeeded in this way, his downfall was caused by persistence. He insisted that Germany attack on two fronts rather than one, commencing his empire.

In addition to ability getting the respect of others, it also allows the person to constitute smart ideas. Julius Caesar demonstrates this facet as he made intelligent decisions matched by none other. Although he claimed many of his ideas were "iact alia est" (rolling a die), he acknowledged that his brilliant tactics were the only reasons the Roman empire was able to extend so far. If he was more persistant, he likely would of had his empire destroyed much earlier.

True power is the ultimate goal for many, and ability is the road to it. While looking at a present example, one will notice the persistence of the current president. He insisted that his plan was justified, and now holds a 72% disapproval rating. If he utilized his ability in a better way, he could have gained much more power and prestige.

All in all, persistence is inferior to ability with regards to respect, decision-making, and the resulting power. If the power of the world was based on persistence, we would live in anarchy.

I counted about 10 sentence structure errors/vocabulary misuses. Also note that I bashed Bush, which was probably a plus. In addition, my handwriting is terrible and large, but I filled up two pages (PM me if you really want to see what it looked like). Sorry if it just seems like I am trying to show off, but I wanted to show people how easy it is to score well if you follow the formula.
Post edited by chronicfuture12 on
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