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A 12 Essay: Very Poorly Written and Wrong Use of Vocabulary

chronicfuture12chronicfuture12 Posts: 1,538- Member
edited January 2009 in SAT Preparation
Alright, just in case anyone is interested, I am going to type up my essay real quick and show you how such poor writing and grammar can still lead to a 12 with the correct formula. Here is mine:

Success can be defined as achieving a previously established goal. Although perseverence often ameliorates a goal, actual ability is the critical aspect of following through in an idea. In all facets of history, a person's talent rather than persistence has defined how big his empire extended, how strong his power is over the people, and ultimately, how successful the person concluded. Overall, ability conquers persistence due to the respect it garners, the decisions it creates, and the true power it wields.

When one looks into history, he will note that the greatest empires and countries were led by ingenious individuals who gained the respect of their constituents. An unfortunate example lies in the life of Adolf Hitler. Although his plans were filled with anathema and animocities towards other races, yet he was able to gain the overwhelming faith of millions. The reason for this is because he had such a great charisma and presence that his ability alone was able to orchestrate his plans. Although he succeeded in this way, his downfall was caused by persistence. He insisted that Germany attack on two fronts rather than one, commencing his empire.

In addition to ability getting the respect of others, it also allows the person to constitute smart ideas. Julius Caesar demonstrates this facet as he made intelligent decisions matched by none other. Although he claimed many of his ideas were "iact alia est" (rolling a die), he acknowledged that his brilliant tactics were the only reasons the Roman empire was able to extend so far. If he was more persistant, he likely would of had his empire destroyed much earlier.

True power is the ultimate goal for many, and ability is the road to it. While looking at a present example, one will notice the persistence of the current president. He insisted that his plan was justified, and now holds a 72% disapproval rating. If he utilized his ability in a better way, he could have gained much more power and prestige.

All in all, persistence is inferior to ability with regards to respect, decision-making, and the resulting power. If the power of the world was based on persistence, we would live in anarchy.

I counted about 10 sentence structure errors/vocabulary misuses. Also note that I bashed Bush, which was probably a plus. In addition, my handwriting is terrible and large, but I filled up two pages (PM me if you really want to see what it looked like). Sorry if it just seems like I am trying to show off, but I wanted to show people how easy it is to score well if you follow the formula.
Post edited by chronicfuture12 on

Replies to: A 12 Essay: Very Poorly Written and Wrong Use of Vocabulary

  • LatencyLatency Posts: 379Registered User Member
    So, what exactly is THE formula? The 5 paragraph structure of the essay? Or something else/more? Maybe i'm just being ignorant because I havn't began studying much for the SATs yet.
  • atillazehunatillazehun Posts: 69Registered User Junior Member
    I agree... I wrote a TERRIBLE essay with a nice quippy intro and a bunch of big words which I didn't understand the first time i took the sat - 12!

    This time I wrote a very well written, well argued, logical, and flawless (grammar-wise) essay... 10... Its official... big words and quips are the secret.
  • chronicfuture12chronicfuture12 Posts: 1,538- Member
    Haha, I have also noticed that bigger words seem to lead to better grades. I just can't understand how I got a 12 with lines like, "He insisted that Germany attack on two fronts rather than one, commencing his empire." I know what commencing means, and I have no idea why I used it instead of destroying or something.
  • lemonslemons Posts: 153Registered User Junior Member
    i think its because each reader only reads the essay for like 5 minutes... they don't analyze it they just wanna get it over lol...

    i'm not bashing anyone... i mean you said it yourself it doesn't seem like 12 material and you made fun of BUsh(yay).. congrats though :]
  • ThisCouldBeHeavnThisCouldBeHeavn Posts: 16,060- Senior Member
    OMG it's barely English.

    If you really got a 12 for this, kudos. That's remarkable.
  • chronicfuture12chronicfuture12 Posts: 1,538- Member
    I had a couple of PMs asking to see what my essays look like, so I'll just post the pictures here. I've been told that my handwriting looks like a 5 year old's.




    Plus, here is a sample of one of my WoW drawings back in the day when I still played:


    As for the person who asked about the formula for these essays, I'll tell you what I did differently from my previous essays (10 and 8 respectively). I utilized the 5 paragraph format, I did not use any personal examples, I took a liberal approach, I made sure I filled up every bit of the pages, strengthened my intro paragraph, and used big words, even when incorrectly. You have to realize that they are reading these in a minute, so they will likely just graze over and notice big words, but not how they are used in context (apparent in my essay). My previous essays were written like an AP Language essay, while this was written as if I had the logic of someone half my age. Hope this helps.
  • lemonslemons Posts: 153Registered User Junior Member
    your handwriting is so funny :] i kinda agree with the whole 5-year old statement ;)
  • stephennnstephennn Posts: 2,103Registered User Senior Member
    lolz i see warcraft III chronic.
  • ThisCouldBeHeavnThisCouldBeHeavn Posts: 16,060- Senior Member
    lol @ eye of the tiger
  • bluebird123bluebird123 Posts: 148Registered User Junior Member
    this is so funny :)

    lol The essay graders get REALLY tired...
  • seclude60seclude60 Posts: 100Registered User New Member
    The OP's handwriting is ridiculously funny; I just can't conceive how an essay critque grader could even grade your paper, no offense.
  • canned_dicecanned_dice Posts: 191Registered User Junior Member
    Thank you for posting this =) I was feeling stupid (for a lack of a better word) for scoring below a twelve, even though I wrote what I thought was an amazing essay--AP Literature style. Now I see I need to 'follow the formula.' Many thanks!
  • seclude60seclude60 Posts: 100Registered User New Member
    Say you feel daft canned_dice. Or even, call yourself a dolt or a dunce.

    All words mean "stupid".
  • chronicfuture12chronicfuture12 Posts: 1,538- Member
    Or just say amicable and they will probably count it as if it made sense.

    The weird thing though is that some of my teachers actually enjoyed reading my handwriting (especially my AP Lang, my AP Lit teacher, not so much), and they always knew it was me when I handed in my papers.
  • LatencyLatency Posts: 379Registered User Member
    What is 'the formula'!?
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