Doria94

THX a lot! I realized some problems of my essay, too!

inaweoflacs

QUESTION: Isn't incredibly easy to BS three examples well? For example, you can talk about the novel "Savage Jungle", by African author Amunika Abujebe, a fake Spanish politician under the name of Jorge Perez, and a short story by Anton Chekhov that doesn't exist (he wrote so many it's plausible), and get away with it! Why bother researching 25 examples and trying to fit actual things to the prompt?

dodgersmom

^^^ LOVE this!!!

And if it's easier for you to do it this way, why not? I think these examples are great!

inaweoflacs

I went ahead and tried to answer the essay prompt in the first BB test and did in 24 minutes - phew! I BSed quite a bit. I used this method but could only fit two examples, although I did flesh them out. Can someone grade it?

There are few things more vital for the advancement of society than questioning those in positions of authority. Throughout history, we have seen many instances in which the questioning of authority by an individual or a group of people led to momentous change and improvement.

In the mid-1880s, a Spanish priest under the name of Vicente Ferrer was sent to a village in India to impart the teachings of the Catholic Church to the locals. Once there, Ferrer started seeing an endless number of ways in which the impoverished people could be helped. When he proposed his ideas to his superiors, they were rejected on the grounds that he had other responsibilities, and that the Church already had a soup kitchen and other help programs running in the village to alleviate the poverty. However, Ferrer insisted in his ideas and, after finding a source of water nearby, started a project to dig wells with filters in the area and provide as many people as possible with clean water. At first, the Church was mad at Vicente for ignoring his duties as a priest to build the wells. After seeing the success of the wells, however, the Church decided to allow Vicente and give him the means to continue and expand his well-building project. Had Vicente not gone against the authority of the Church and built the wells, many poor Indians would have had to continue drinking bacteria-infested water.

The Argentine struggle for independence also accurately illustrates this point. At the dawn of the 18th century, Argentina was a Spanish colony. The Spaniards that ruled Argentina dictated that only those born in Spain could have positions of political or economic power. Therefore, even a second-generation Argentine had to conform to a lower position in the social hierarchy. However, a group of people born in Argentina decided that this policy was unjust and unethical, formed a political junta, or party, and sought to climb the political ladder. The Spanish government soon started to incarcerate the members of this junta, but their brave initiative of questioning the Spanish ruling inspired many other citizens of Argentina, which soon united to overthrow Spanish rule and become a free, independent country.

Thus, we must always question the decisions of people in positions of authority so that we might carry out positive changes in the world.

inaweoflacs

I just went to the book owner's area and saw the 12 essay for this prompt that the College Board gives. It has two examples and ends with the beginning of a third, no conclusion. Huh.

inaweoflacs

Whoops I just found a few grammar errors in my essay... Goes to show that it really is vital to be able to write it in 18 mins. to have time to look it over.

Snowbrood

Prompt: Do people accomplish more when they are allowed to do things in their own way?


Popularly held practices and views are not destined to be handy always. It may, ostensibly seem that popular practices and views are useful but sometimes new ways and practices prove out to be handier. So people do accomplish more when they are allowed to do things in their own practices and views. History bears witness to this undeniable fact.

Galileo Galelio, a revolutionary scientist gained tremendous success, when he did things in his own ways, instead of accepting popular opinions of people and authorities. At that time, there was a popular view that sun revolved around the earth. But Galileo did not endorse this theory. Instead of embedding this theory in his mind, he wanted to prove things in his own ways. He invented a telescope and observed the universe through it. He found that sun was stationary. Earth and other planets revolved around the sun. This theory provoked anger in the people in authority especially in churches. The overlooked this theory and admonished Galileo to take back his theory. The people in authority turned out to be wrong. When several other scientist endorsed the Galileo’s theory after his death. Galileo accomplished more, when he did things in his own ways and was non-chalant towards the commonly held views of people.

The spearhead of Indian freedom movement Mahatma Gandhi also gained success, when he did things in his own ways. In the first half of the twentieth century, Britishers rule the Indian sub- continent. The local people were enraged their tyrannical rule and sought to dispel them from India. At that time, Mahatma Gandhi launched his freedom movement. It was popular practice to announce a rebellion or a war to subdue the force and drive them away. But Mahatma Gandhi was against these violent practices. He announced his own non-violent practice called Sataygraha . Advocates of his movement followed this non-violent practice. According to this, people were required to tolerate the atrocities of their enemies. They were not to retaliate and show any type of vindictive attitude. This practice infuriated britishers and coerce them to treat the local people with kindness. His own ways allowed him to gain this success.

Human mind is a complex structure and is full of new ideas and thoughts. These ideas often accomplish them greater success than the widely held ideas and practices, as proved from my examples.


Please grade this essay. And please tell me if these examples are relevant. PLease help me.. The SAT is just 4 days away!

inaweoflacs

As I was told of my own essay above, it is much more effective to have three examples that accurately illustrate the point instead of two. Make those two examples more clear and succinct and add a third. Make your introduction and conclusion stronger and perhaps add a quote at the end. Also, be sure to avoid grammar and language errors - always proofread. I take it you're foreign?

Snowbrood

@iweflocs, yes Iam an international student... The grammatical mistakes were because of typing... Yes I could mention Steve jobs as a third example... But with the above essay, can I get at least a 9, avoiding those grammar mistakes?

mapratikdahal

wow amazing

mapratikdahal

I really like your approach. I would always be stuck in the introduction and could not complete my essay in time. But with practice and with the aforementioned tips I can improve my writing. Thanks a lot!

SATsitter

Thanks @AcademicHacker it really helps alot

Hitesh12

Just saw this thread.
Great work @OP !
Lots of Respect here

kristiuna

Could you anyone respond my question:

I am having trouble with writing paragraph about personal story. In particular, writing modified thesis in first sentence and build it like i build about other examples(novel or prominent people's biographies.)
Could anyone give me example of it?

saratukker

thx soo much u r a real great advisor..but i am having some problems with shrinking my introduction and making it captivating at the same time..that puts finishing the essay in only 18min next to implossible..could you offer me a hand here?