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Previous administered SAT Essay Prompt + Response

HarvardBound1123HarvardBound1123 Posts: 135Registered User Junior Member
edited May 2012 in SAT Preparation
This is a previously administered SAT essay prompt and my response...how would you guys grade it out of 12? The CB online course gave me a 12...but its an eGrader and i dont trust it. Fyi, this took up every line of the two pages.

People who like to think of themselves as tough-minded and realistic tend to take it for granted that human nature is “selfish” and that life is a struggle in which only the fittest may survive. According to this view, the basic law by which people must live is the law of the jungle. The “fittest” are those people who can bring to the struggle superior force, superior cunning, and superior ruthlessness.(Adapted from S.I. Hayakawa, Language in Thought and Action)

Assignment:

Do people have to be highly competitive in order to succeed? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.

Response:

The competitive spirit in an individual can achieve wonders in attaining successful results. The greatest athletes, warriors and even entrepreneurs had one thing in common: their voracious competitive drive. As observed through the lives of the king Alexander the Great, basketball star Michael Jordan and the famous entrepreneur Dirubai Ambani, the conclusion that one has to be highly competitive in order to succeed can be drawn.

The greatly decorated king from Macedonia, Alexander the great was a fierce competitor on all fronts. With great ambitions and dreams, Alexander successfully dominated much of what is now the middle-east; in addition,, Alexander the great spread his reign into Asia Minor, well before he turned 35 years old. Before succumbing to malaria while on a mission to India, Alexander’s competitive drive abetted Macedonia in attaining a status on top of much of the western and eastern civilization. Due to his highly competitive drive Alexander managed to achieve great feats and is remembered in history today as one of the greatest kings to have ever lived.

In addition, just as Alexander the Great was a fierce competitor, so was Michael Jordan. After being cut from his high school varsity basketball team in his sophomore year, Jordan used it as a motivation to improve himself that much more. Any avid fan of basketball can attest to the fierce competition exhibited by Michael Jordan on the basketball court. Jordan was often known for his behavior to use adversity as his sole motivation to succeed; a vital characteristic which has propelled him to be considered the best to play the game of basketball. More specifically, Michael Jordan used his competitive spirit to help him return to basketball after coming out of a two year retirement. In addition, not only did Jordan successfully come back to he game, he also managed to win three more world championships with the Chicago Bulls.

Finally, the highly competitive spirit of successful individuals is also shown through the example of Dirubai Ambani. Ambani, currently one of the richest people in the world, grew up in the slums of India to an impoverished family. However, through hard work and a competitive drive, he managed to succeed. Ambani’s competitive drive is clearly delineated when, he, attempting to defend himself in a court case, only used four minutes of his allotted time of five minutes to defend himself, proclaiming that the minute left over was “his profit to spare”. His competitive drive is shown in this instance, as it shows the he constantly thinks of improving himself, an indication of his competitive spring and his success.

In conclusion, the examples of Alexander the Great, Michael Jordan and Dirubai Ambani, effectively bolster my thesis that people have to be highly competitive to succeed. As observed through the examples of these three successful individuals, they all shared the common characteristic of a competitive drive.
Post edited by HarvardBound1123 on

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