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Old 11-01-2009, 02:03 PM   #1
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Join Date: Dec 2007
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Help a first-timer score his essay?

Hi, this is my first run-through on section 1 of the SAT. I'd greatly appreciate any help in scoring the essay that I've written, on a 2-12 basis.

This is the prompt:

(box) It is better to try to be original than to merely imitate others. People should always try to say, write, or create something new. There is little value in merely repeating what has been done before. People who merely copy or use the ideas and inventions of others, no matter how successful they may be, have never achieved anything significant. (end box)

Assignment: Is it always better to be original than to imitate or use the ideas of others? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.


ESSAY: Pg 1: http://i120.photobucket.com/albums/o...ayPg1PAINT.jpg

Pg 2:
http://i120.photobucket.com/albums/o...ayPg2PAINT.jpg


Thanks a lot!
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Old 11-01-2009, 08:06 PM   #2
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bump...help please!
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Old 11-01-2009, 08:37 PM   #3
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can't read your writing, it's too light
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Old 11-01-2009, 10:21 PM   #4
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Oh that might be the problem...heh, I'll just type it out. Thanks for telling me.


Many children are taught from the very start of life that each one of them is unique and will contribute to the world in some way. What is left out of this saying is the way that child will contribute to the world: will he be a flamboyant innovator or a melancholous work drone? History has not been made by the masses, it has been made by those who seek to shape it. It is always better to be original and this notion is exemplified by Guy Montag in Fahrenheit 451, Copernicus' revolutionary ideas and the entire situation in Animal Farm.

In Fahrenheit 451, Guy Montag begins as an unquestioning, mindless fireman. His only purpose was to burn books and keep their "utopian" society free of contamination via irrelevant or potentially dangerous knowledge from books. Had Guy been one of the many, he would have continued his life of censorship with no true meaning in his life. However, in time, Guy gets ahold of a few books and starts to question his profession and the society in general. He begins calling in sick because of his growing hatred towards the ignorance portrayed by the rest of the society and realizes that he must do something in order to satisfy his growing curiosity. Eventually, Guy is caught with a prodigious supply of books and forced out of his home. However, he finds a group of nomads who travel, spreading their ideas and keeping the book alive. Montag finds a new life among these people and, by the end of the book, is optimistic that he found a people who weren't as ignorant as his past peers were. By being original, Guy found a new and more meaningful life for himself.

In the Middle Ages, the Catholic Church was one of the most powerful institutions in the world, controlling every aspect of religion and society. The people of the Church proclaimed that the Earth was in the center of the solar system and that other celestial entities, such as the Sun, revolve around it. Copernicus, however, did not want to conform to the set standards. He proposed a model in which the Sun was actually in the center and other entities, like the Earth, revolve around the Sun. While indeed controversial and generating harsh quantities of criticism, his model pervaded and his originality would set the stage for future astronomists.

In Animal Farm, a group of animals band and overthrow a farmer in order to create their own society. One pig emerged as the leader; Napoleon. However, Napoleon eventually became intolerant of criticism and ordered his animals around, much as Stalin did. In this case, there were no original people (rather animals) and therefore, the society reverted to its original dictatorship before the animals became in charge. Lack of originality also hurts the masses.

As Guy Montag, Copernicus, and Animal Farm have shown, originality is important in advancing society, and making strides. The only thing worse than a rebellious dissenter who tries to impose his/her opinion on everyone is an unquestioning, indifferent drone who wouldn't dare challenge authority.





That's the end. Would you mind reading it now? Thanks a lot!
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Old 11-02-2009, 07:09 PM   #5
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bump......
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Old 11-02-2009, 10:49 PM   #6
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one more time..... please help, i have no idea if my writing is even following the correct format.
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Old 11-02-2009, 10:57 PM   #7
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OK - a few things

First and foremost, "melancholous" and "astronomists" aren't words. DON'T use big vocab words if you're not 100% on what they mean, how to spell them and how to use them. Poor use of vocab words makes you look silly. You're better off using more basic words so you're sure you're communicating your meaning.

Your first two examples are great, and I think illustrate your point very well. You lose me with Animal Farm. Your argument there isn't well developed, and I don't know exactly how it supports your position. Actually, it seems to argue against your point since Napoleon's "originality" turns him into a dictator. It feels like you were intent on having three examples, and that Animal Farm is one of your stock examples so you were going to "make it work" even if it doesn't. You actually would have been better off just leaving off Animal Farm entirely, and going with your two well developed examples.

I'd give this a 5 as it is, a 6 without Animal Farm and the two non-words. It's a great start, and I'm sure you'll be churning out 6's by test day. Good luck!
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Old 11-03-2009, 09:02 PM   #8
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Thanks a lot! You're right in that I was just trying to fit in another example. It just seems like the SAT is so formulaic that there's no other way than to just follow the pattern.
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