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please grade essay

HWANsyHWANsy Posts: 38Registered User Junior Member
edited January 2010 in SAT Preparation
Question: Can knowledge be a burden rather than a benefit?

Although knowledge is always perceived as a desired trait or characteristic, it is actually more of a burden than a benefit. Through historic events and literature, the basis that knowledge is more of a burden than a benefit can be proven. There has been a time when one's knowledge forced him to go to war against his own nation. Also, there was a time when knowledge coerced a man to kill his best friend. Knowledge is a burden, not a benefit.

First, knowledge made one man fight his own nation. When Abraham Lincoln was elected to office in the mid 1960s, he knew that a Civil War against the Union and Confederacy was unavoidable. Compromises and laws such as the MIssouri Compromise, the Compromise of 1850, and th Fugitive Slave Act had already created a huge fissure between the NOrth and the South. It is believed that PResident Lincoln went up to his room during one of his first nights in office, and cried because he knew that his nation would go to war with itself. For President Lincoln, knowledge was a burden because it made him makea difficult decision which would end up with the killing of his nation's own men.

Similarly, knowledge can coerce a person to do what he or she does not want to do. In the book, Of Mice and Men by Steven Steinbeck, two best friends, Lennie SMalls and George Milton go on a journey. Lennie was an unusually large man with incredible strength, but was slightly dull. He as unable to understand the rights and wrongs of the world. From the begininning of the story to the emd, Lennie constantly got into trouble. Because Lennie's innocent but immoral behaviors, George constantly had to keep Lennie under control. Unfortunately, one day, Lennie was playing with a co-worker's wife, and he accidentally killed her. After this incident, George knew that he had no choice but to put Lennie to rest and move on with his life. George's knowledge that he could not live his life with Lennie around, and that Lennie would be better off being dead, caused George to kill Lennie. Sadly, George's knowledge about his future and Lennie's unfortunate life caused him to kill his best friend. (yeah this last sentence is weird, i was running out of itme)

It is evident that knowledge is more of a burden than a benefit. Knowledge caused President Lincoln to declar war on his own country and caused George Milton to kill his best friend, Lennie Smalls. Knowledge is a burden, not a benefit.


PS. I have a question about the BB2. Are the tests 6-10, especially math and cr easier??
Post edited by HWANsy on

Replies to: please grade essay

  • HWANsyHWANsy Posts: 38Registered User Junior Member
    bump please.....
  • HWANsyHWANsy Posts: 38Registered User Junior Member
  • HWANsyHWANsy Posts: 38Registered User Junior Member
    nobody still??
  • austriangirlaustriangirl Posts: 210Registered User Junior Member
    ok, um first of all: it´s a nice essay, u use two good examples, and u explain them fully. BUT, what do u have against sentence relating expressions?? i mean ur thesis and conclusion both sound like a telegram, not fluent at all. u should try to relate sentences meaningfully:
    u wrote: It is evident that knowledge is more of a burden than a benefit. Knowledge caused President Lincoln to declar war on his own country and caused George Milton to kill his best friend, Lennie Smalls. Knowledge is a burden, not a benefit.

    i´s write sth like: In both examples, we can see that knowledge can, in fact, be very well a burden rather than a benefit. In the case of President Lincoln his knowledge only made it harder to make a difficult decision, and in Steven Steinbeck´s story, a man is forced to kill his own best friend knowing that he will not be able to lead a happy life in a world like this. Thus, we see how knowledge can affect man´s life and forces people to make difficult decisions without a way out.

    i don´t say that is perfect, not at all, but it seems, at least to me, that it makes more sense. i know of course, that time is a frieking important factor, but u shud rather work on ur thesis and conclusion than elaborate endlessly on ur examples. u cud probably have shorten both and then have more time left for drawing a conclusion.

    i wud give it 8-9.
    and sorry, i don´t know about the tests in the book. do u mean in relation to the first 5?? or to the actual test?
  • austriangirlaustriangirl Posts: 210Registered User Junior Member
    lol now sth pretty weird aaand funny happened. when i got to the page of today´s practice test, i got the same assignment for my essay ^^ and since i read urs like 5 mins before starting to work on it, i gladly decided to "steal" ur examples, i hope ur not mad...
    if u wanna read it:
    http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/851650-come-give-shot-grade-i-grade-urs.html#post1063949947
  • HWANsyHWANsy Posts: 38Registered User Junior Member
    how can i get at least a 10?
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