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Movers essay length!

CoolgirlteCoolgirlte Posts: 18Registered User New Member
edited November 2012 in University of Pennsylvania
My movers essay came to 599 words. Do you think they'll notice or even care?

If anyone wants to read it, I 'd be glad to send it out! :)
Post edited by Coolgirlte on

Replies to: Movers essay length!

  • TomasTTomasT Posts: 28Registered User New Member
    Sure, I'd love to take a look at it. And I don't think they'll care too much as long as it's engaging. My short answer is actually 67 words over the limit so hopefully i'm right haha.
  • CoolgirlteCoolgirlte Posts: 18Registered User New Member
    Life comes with obstacles and challenges that we all must overcome in order to achieve our goals and become the successful people we strive to be. In order to defeat these obstacles we must first be willing For the majority of my middle school years, leading into my first two years of high school, I was a victim of bullying. It began with the occasional giggles and inappropriate remarks geared towards me as I walked through the halls and into class. From this point, the occasional giggles became crude profanities with piercing bullets aimed at my self esteem. Although I tried to live by the quote "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me," I soon realized that words did hurt, and they did much more than break my bones; they almost shattered my existence.
    On the outside I lead the world to believe that I was fine and that everything I endured at school and on the internet rolled off my shoulder. In reality it caused me more pain than I ever really allowed myself, or anyone for that matter, to see. By the end of my sophomore year, I'd had enough, the inappropriate comments and harsh words had turned to physical altercations that I could no longer control. My school as well as my district were unable to help because I had not been physically hurt to the point where I needed medical attention, so they sent me on my way.
    Although, emotionally, and maybe even mentally, I was beyond tired, I managed to keep my grades up and continue to play two sports a year. I knew that allowing my "social" situation to hinder my future endeavors was out of the question. I knew I had to stay strong and fight for as long as possible, and I did just that.
    The summer leading into my junior year of high school, I received the news saying that I had been accepted into a new school. I took this opportunity as a way to a fresh start, a chance to move past all of the negativity that had been controlling my world. I went in not knowing what to expect, but to my surprise I found what I had always been looking for- acceptance. My first day of school was filled with excitement and laughter and most of all the positive energy. This positive energy took every ounce of negativity I'd ever experienced and sent it on its way.

    For a while I was able to repress the memories and live life the way I should've been all along. I guess you could say I was "on cloud 9."Although the light within me was able to shine though my smile everyday, my academics weren't on the same path. I'd gone through school having to prove myself to people who didn't matter, that I had forgotten to be myself.
    Through all of this I've come to realized that I can't continue to live my life trying to prove my worth to people who will want to see me fail. I needed to learn that I have to live my life for me, be successful for me. Most of all I needed to learn that with every obstacle comes an opportunity; with this opportunity I need to take it and get all that I can out of it because it can only lead me to more success. I am a mover because I allow my opportunities to pave the way for my future.


    I can't send private messages!
  • TomasTTomasT Posts: 28Registered User New Member
    I think it's really good because your passion and fire is clear. def very authentic. that said, you should probably delete your post or edit it out cause it's probably not a great idea to post your essay publicly. good luck, hope were both students at penn by this time next year!
  • CoolgirlteCoolgirlte Posts: 18Registered User New Member
    Thank you!! :) I'll make another post for the engage essay as i finish it up. I f you wouldn;t mind reading it?
  • collegeboundJoncollegeboundJon Posts: 422Registered User Junior Member
    I discussed something specific to what I would like to major in.

    I hope that was a good approach :/
  • CoolgirlteCoolgirlte Posts: 18Registered User New Member
    Yeah, I think that was a good approach! Was it for the Ben Franklin essay or for the engaging essay?
  • collegeboundJoncollegeboundJon Posts: 422Registered User Junior Member
    Ben Franklin Actually it was geared toward a competition i participated in that related to history

    The engaging essay is directly related to my intended majors
  • CoolgirlteCoolgirlte Posts: 18Registered User New Member
    Oh. Ok. Nice! Do you think someone might actually plagiarize my essay?
  • collegeboundJoncollegeboundJon Posts: 422Registered User Junior Member
    I doubt it.
  • domino2017domino2017 Posts: 42Registered User Junior Member
    I would suggest deleting the essay from this thread if it's possible. I highly doubt anyone would steal it or the ideas in it because then admissions would receive pretty much the same essay twice which would obviously decrease chances of acceptance. So don't worry about that, I would just be a little concerned because you have no clue who's reading it. Is it still possible to delete?
  • CoolgirlteCoolgirlte Posts: 18Registered User New Member
    Nope! :( I did an repost post and nothing so far! It looks as though the mods and the admin haven't been on since 2008 and 2004!
  • KstridaKstrida Posts: 38Registered User Junior Member
    My thoughts: The essays is very well written and definitely has passion. However, I think that it would benefit you to focus a little more on how your experiences answer the question or made you a better person, and a little less on the negative part of the story. Keep in mind that many kids (especially ivy kids) have been bullied, and the adcoms know that, but to be blunt: they want kids with outgoing and social personalities, and talking so much about being bullied may be sending the wrong message. Just my two cents.
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