essay... - Page 2

NoelB05 · 03-21-2005, 10:45 AM

nagah: You make a good point about letting your personalities show. However you have to play the game. You are writing these essay to get into college. And so you should be taking ever chance possible to show how much you deserve to get in. I think the main fault with these two essays is that they don't show how their words really relate to them. They are fine essays for a writing prompt on a standardized test, but they don't do much to help them get into college.

crichessill · 03-21-2005, 10:50 AM

anyone..........

ldcubed · 03-21-2005, 11:52 AM

To all that responded...

Thank you for your comments and thank you for being honest. However, I must respond to this "personality" thing.

You see, one of my main faults *is* my personality. *That* is what is bland. So, that's why I use my writing to create things that are more exciting (as I'm sure many other writers do.) I also didn't want to be direct about how the word relates to me. Rather, I thought that weaving the subject of "me" into the essay intermittently would work better because it is more subtle. Personally, I thought that the "twist" ultimately conveyed my sense of curiosity. However, if they were really looking for a big "sell," then I suppose I failed my objective; alas, I simply am not a well-rounded individual. I did apply to UVA as a reach school after all, so no big loss. It was worth a shot though. Guess I'll find out what happens soon!

Once again, thanks for the comments!

Edit: Crichessill, I'd be happy to read your essay.

NoelB05 · 03-21-2005, 11:54 AM

I hope your not taking offense to what I posted. If you are I apologize. I wish you the best of luck.

ldcubed · 03-21-2005, 11:59 AM

No offense taken at all, NoelB05. If anything, you helped me broaden my perspective! (And now wish I came here more often before I wrote my essays...or before I entered high school, lol.)

Littleol'me · 03-21-2005, 12:10 PM

idcubed- yes, I wish I had come here before I wrote my essays,too...anyone who actually KNOWS me sees ME in my essay, but if you don't then I guess it's a bit...not good enough to persuade someone to let me in.

nagah · 03-21-2005, 12:12 PM

Idcubed...i think your essay did show more about your personality..don't sweat it

crichessill · 03-21-2005, 02:25 PM

idcubed-- check your pm. i sent the essay

crichessill · 03-21-2005, 04:18 PM

ah what the heck. i am putting it here. i am sorry, i am just very very nervous. heres my essay.

I was coming out of Beth Sholom, an elderly resident home, after I finished helping with Bingo. My dad was outside in the parking lot waiting to pick me up. Just then, one of the bingo sponsors, pointing towards me, asked my dad," Is that your son right there?" My dad replied yes and then the sponsor answered, "He is really mature for his age. He makes me seem unnecessary." My dad scoffed at that remark.

Since the age of fourteen, my dad has repeatedly stressed me that I need to be more mature because it is an important virtue. My dad incorporated every bad trait of mine into the term "immaturity". In response, I often inquired him about his definition of "maturity." He used to include irrelevant and sometimes even contradictory terms in the definition. These experiences have made the word seem very humorous to me.

So, its really not surprising that "maturity " is my favorite word. I hear it almost everyday of my life. Maybe, getting into UVA will seem to be a sign of my maturity to my father . I don't know when my dad will acknowledge my maturity, but I can hardly wait for that day.

Sdma89 · 03-21-2005, 04:50 PM

Logitech, I thought your essay was okay, though not the most spectacular I've heard. I do like the way you ended your essay. That was good. Take everyone's criticism on your essay with a grain of salt. The thing about essays is that they are subjective. Everyone is not going to like your essay, and everyone is not going to hate it either. Because essays are subjective, I can't really say what the admissions officers would think of it because they have different thoughts and opinions from mine and others. You never know. They may love your essay.

Sdma89 · 03-21-2005, 04:56 PM

Crichesill, I thought your essay was good. I liked the way that you started it out. You took a different approach to the introduction, and did not say the traditional "my favorite word is...."

majadito · 03-21-2005, 09:35 PM

hmm all essays were good
but i feel odd that i didnt write about my favorite word (milk jajaj)
i actually wrote about looking out the window in my home....

i got in echols

good luck everyone~~!

JMIONE1 · 03-22-2005, 09:42 AM

I thought all the essays were ok, but felt they need more of kick to seperate them from the thousands of students.

Majadito - wow your from bolivia? My parents are from Bolivia and I got into UVA ED. Are you going to UVA?

irishred · 03-22-2005, 10:52 AM

Majadito, I didn't write about my favorite word either. I also chose to write about looking out my window. Haha, maybe that will be a good thing so to add a bit of variety to the thousands of application essays! I'll find out April 1, I suppose. Congrats on Echols (and that goes for everyone else who is already in!)

Elizabeth

nagah · 03-22-2005, 12:57 PM

i did the trading bodies essay
anyway, there are many ways to stand out and the short essay is only one of them....good luck eveyone on getting in!!