ibnhf1

Our 18 year old recently had to fly home to go to his best friend's funeral. He is a Biology major and in two lab sciences. He will miss one full week of school when he gets back. How difficult will it be for him to catch-up. He is grieving badly. His friend died suddenly from complications due to H1N1. I am very worried about this set back. He was doing well up to this point. Anyone have experience like this??

GCN2

Assuming he is functional when he gets back to Vandy, one week of school will not matter. I encourage him to seek some help dealing with this. The Psychological counseling center (PCC) is a free resource on campus. It might be a helpful.

Sorry to hear the bad news.

ibnhf1

Thanks GCN2, I am hoping he will be functional. I already am encouraging him to seek some help. It will be pretty isolating for him at first. He is not into the whole rushing party scene. I hope in time he will find a good friend there who he can connect with. This whole experience has rattled his world.

Faline2

wow....among things he could discuss with an Academic Dean...possibly dropping one lab course, especially if he has some AP credits...not everyone stays exactly on track ..that is the fast straight line track, some science majors do unusual semesters for various reasons that might include research or public service or foreign studies or languages. My son dropped Calc freshman year half way through for a combined reason of Mono and possibly IMHO...immaturity re getting no sleep etc and being overly social at first on arrival to colleg. We did lose the money for that class but he learned how to manage his life better and just took it the next semester..zero issues..he had a few APs of course as many Vandy kids do. One of the first people I met was a sophomore premed Spanish double major and she was going abroad. If he is young, and not settled with friends yet socially, and has had a blow, I would consider underloading and just being strategic about it. He can stay on track just fine.
Counseling is almost always short term..not a lifetime commitment...encourage him to see a counselor on staff at least 3-4 times, every week or so..till things start to take shape...never underestimate how much that can help and it does concern me if he is not in his groove yet socially...that is a lot to lay on just random new friends in college who are not "best" friends yet...so let an adult lend an ear and support. Counselors at Vandy are very experienced with kids who have issues like divorcing parents, bereavement, perhaps a parent with a serious illness..., social issues...they love to help kids get through...and it is all confidential.
so sorry for his loss and the loss experienced by the parents of this friend

ibnhf1

Thankyou Faline2 I will bring him back to school tomm. and only time will tell. Right now he is refusing help with a counselor. I will stay in close touch and he has a tight network with the other friends at school. They will all stay in touch with each other as they all go back to different schools.

kelsmom

I am so sorry to hear about this. How sad for your son. He should definitely see a counselor on campus, for more than just the fact that he will probably need to talk to someone about his feelings. From an academic standpoint, they can most likely help. My D knows someone who has some personal issues - the counselor at Vandy has helped that student get extensions on papers a couple times.

miasmom

I'm sorry to hear of your son's loss. My daughter had surgery summer before sophmore year and had major complications- she was determined to return to school- and let me tell you it was extremely difficult to let her go back as we are here in CA. Her academic dean was incredible- she notified all the professors, kept everyone up to date & very supportive on an emotional level as well. Our daughter had many hospital stays that year & ended up having to drop a lab & a class just because she physically didn't have the strength to do it. AP class credit didn't work for her as she was also affected by Hurricane Katrina, but she attended a session of summer school & graduated on time. The Vanderbilt community is there to help- please encourage your son to use it- I know the situation is different but the support system is there. My thoughts are with you...