| Your essay
Without reading your essay draft, it is hard to say. I will mention something we have heard from numerous admissions people. I don't know how to say this without being direct -- too many applicants feel the need to write about horrible incidents/things that happened to them. It must be some basic human thirst for confidential information sharing similar to why strangers will tell you all sorts of confidential things on a 3 hour airplane trip that they would never share with their family or friends. Very strange. I would avoid this at all costs.
The best essays I have ever read followed the "thread from life" approach. You take one slice of your life (the special things you and your dad/mom talk about every morning over breakfast and what they have meant to you/how they have shaped you), the love for your garage and being in their fixing stuff and righting mechanical wrongs in this world, etc.
I would also avoid the whole "I went on Spring Break to Mexico and was around poor people and now I am so grateful for what I have" angle. It is my understanding that admissions gets a million of these.
I am not sure if this helped, but you might want to step back, consider a strand of life theme/idea AND think about how it impacted/shaped you and why that makes you a can't miss for THAT PARTICULAR SCHOOL.
That is my advice....and I am sticking to it.
Good luck!
SB
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