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Yale Supplement Essay

flipchick1127flipchick1127 Posts: 1,064Registered User Member
edited December 2004 in Yale University
Hey! I'm applying to Yale RD and I have just finished my rough draft of the Yale Supplement essay. The essay asks you to expand on the short answer from the common app about your most meaningful activity. Will anyone please tell me how this sounds and if there are any mistakes? Thanks in advance!

The chalk box: a place where the most confidential of secrets and the deepest of emotions are shared with the best of friends. Many of the most vivid memories I have of my gymnastics career revolve around the asylum of the chalk box. There, I have beheld laughter, anger, determination, fear, and even tears on the faces of my teammates. I remember a day when I was little and my friends and I turned ourselves into “chalk ghosts.” With chalk all over our faces and arms, we ran around the gym pretending to scare anyone we came across. Although we were severely reprimanded for this action, it stands out to me more clearly than most of the other memories I have of gymnastics.

The chalk box is a cherished constant in my gymnastics activities. It has been at every practice and meet in which I have been a participant. It has witnessed every success and every failure I have undergone in the gym. Every time I have overcome anxiety, pressure, and uncertainty in order to master a new skill, it has been there cheering me on. For fourteen years, it has been my devoted companion, providing me with a place to soothe my nerves and to focus on the tasks I must complete.

During my first day as a high school gymnast, I accidentally knocked over the chalk box while running my laps around the gym, which caused the contents to fly everywhere, filling the area with a gagging, malodorous haze. Ever since that day, the chalk box has been the center of attention for all of my teammates. Around that box, we are able to truly open up to each other. We encourage those who are having a bad day, we set the goals we wish to achieve throughout the year, we gossip about events at school, we share secrets, and, in general, we lift each other up to a higher level than we ever could be on our own.

Looking back at the years I have spent in gymnastics, I remember so many emotions, both good and bad, that it is impossible to truly convey them in an essay. How can one express the feelings involved with finally achieving a skill she has worked so hard to master for years to one who has never gone through the experience before? Even more, how can one portray the devastation and agony of losing that skill? Words simply are not and never will be enough. All I can say is that I am genuinely grateful for my experiences in gymnastics. I would not trade them for anything. I honestly feel that gymnastics has been the most influential activity in my life. It has taught me more than just the sport; it has taught me determination, patience, to learn from my mistakes, and to enjoy life. Gymnastics will always be a part of my life, whether I am a gymnast, a coach, or a supportive parent. In the years to come, whenever I see a simple little chalk box, I will forever be reminded of the profound impact gymnastics has had on my life.
Post edited by flipchick1127 on

Replies to: Yale Supplement Essay

  • kerfufflekerfuffle Posts: 3Registered User New Member
    I like the essay a lot. It doesn't pretend to be something it's not. I especially like the synecdoche. It was very clever and made for a much more interesting essay. One gramatical problem that stood out to me: "...it has taught me determination, patience, to learn from my mistakes, and to enjoy life." This sentence is not parallel. You have to nouns and two infinitive verbs. Other than that, a very nice essay. Especially the last paragraph. You really convinced the reader how important gymnastics is to you.
  • flipchick1127flipchick1127 Posts: 1,064Registered User Member
    Thank you for your response. I'll fix that sentence. Thanks again!
  • perfectdark9perfectdark9 Posts: 353Registered User Member
    Its very good. Good job! :)
  • flipchick1127flipchick1127 Posts: 1,064Registered User Member
  • Colorado365Colorado365 Posts: 81Registered User Junior Member
    Flipchick, solid essay.

    **BUT, As Grad2005 said to another RD applicant who posted his essay, I suggest you remove this essay immediately and submit it through email to people who have already applied EA. You never know what scumbags might use your writing, and that would be a travesty. You can get a list of us SCEA candidates on our EA List thread.

    Just lookin' out for ya.
  • flipchick1127flipchick1127 Posts: 1,064Registered User Member
    Thanks, but I can't remove it now (the whole 20 min. to edit thing, darn it!) Really, if anyone is willing to steal somebody else's essay I really hope that they are willing to face the consequences of possibly getting caught. It's so dishonest. Anyway, thanks again!
  • Colorado365Colorado365 Posts: 81Registered User Junior Member
    I agree. It would probably be a Hahvud kid, not us Yale-wannabes. :D
  • slicmlic2001slicmlic2001 Posts: 1,445Registered User Senior Member
    During my first day as a high school gymnast, I accidentally knocked over the chalk box while running my laps around the gym, which caused the contents to fly everywhere, filling the area with a gagging, malodorous haze. Ever since that day, the chalk box has been the center of attention for all of my teammates.

    -i don't see the connection as to how you knocking over the box made everyone friendly towards you...perhaps explain it...sorta confused me

    other than that, it was great :)
  • flipchick1127flipchick1127 Posts: 1,064Registered User Member
    Thanks, it's interesting that you interpreted the experience to mean that it was what made my teammates friendly toward me. I didn't even think of that. I just put it in because it is the first memory of the chalkbox in high school gymnastics and that was the first day we ever started gathering around it to talk. Perhaps I should clarify. Thanks!
  • quetzalquetzal Posts: 175Registered User Junior Member
    Only a gymnast would steal the essay and possibly get away with it. Imagine a silly, silly person copying this and not even putting gymnastics down as an EC!!! Or imagine they got in with this essay and were expected to join the gymnastics team, lol, would serve the person right!

    Btw, kudos on the essay, very nice.
  • GhaleonQGhaleonQ Posts: 185Registered User Junior Member
    I think the last paragraph is way too cliche, but it's great, otherwise.
  • selia27selia27 Posts: 85Registered User Junior Member
    I think it's a really nice essay. It's very well-written and has lots of personal voice. I only have one issue with it (and you can feel free to disagree with me on this): I think it needs more direction. When you start the essay off, one gets the sense that it will be something like "tales of the chalk box: a collection of really short stories." But in the end, you haven't told any stories that tell the adcom something about you. The adcom knows that you love gymnastics and that it has taught you a lot, but as they say, "show, don't tell." I think the essay would be even better if you could think of a story or two that centers around the chalk box that demonstrates qualities that you want the adcom to know about you.

    Eep, I just wrote a ton. Please don't get me wrong: I think your essay kicks butt, and you are an awesome writer. Maybe take into consideration what I said, and I think it will totally rock the socks off the adcom.
  • flipchick1127flipchick1127 Posts: 1,064Registered User Member
    Thanks! I really appreciate everybody's suggestions!
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