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Hard Lesson Learned from a Broken Hearted Helicopter Parent

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Replies to: Hard Lesson Learned from a Broken Hearted Helicopter Parent

  • AngelinoAngelino 9 replies4 threads New Member
    Thank you for sharing your story! Good luck to you and your son!
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  • MusakParentMusakParent 1022 replies9 threads Senior Member
    Thank you for the update. I honestly think you are the exact right parents for your son. Has he ever been evaluated for learning disorders? Not every 18 year old has the same executive function capabilities. Some brains mature slower than others. He may not have graduated high school without extra supports. Some brains struggle with some tasks more than others. It sounds like you were doing the best you could with the kid you were given and the tools you had available. If he would benefit from services at the school, I think that is great and you should take advantage of that. Congrats on the great update!
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  • ColoradomamaColoradomama 2779 replies32 threads Senior Member
    Also this OP's son could certainly go back around on college. On my block alone we have 5 college drop outs, and three suicides, not the same kids, all boys. One went back, and now getting a CPA and a masters in accounting. He is age 30. There is no reason to rule out college. Its the boys choice. He may or may not do that. Parents need to let go and not judge. Be ready to be surprised, perhaps this kid will get a PhD once he is left alone to figure it out. Kids need time. Some Kids need some Fs. Its best not to look at report cards at all, as its not our grades, let them own the grades and just love them no matter what they choose and what they do.
    The less parents focus on so called "learning disabilities " the better. No job tests for that. So we must cope with the brains we have. There might be therapies, but in the end not all brains are created equal and we need to figure out how to cope with what we have. Brains age too, and that takes coping skills.
    Labeling a child learning disabled does nothing at all for the child. If we left them alone, did not test them, and just let them struggle, some will rise. Some will settle, thats the way of the world.
    I was lucky that I had a teacher who told us "something is wrong but "do not test" She was an old fashioned teacher. I know my son would not take extra time on the SAT for his "bad brain" but I am pretty sure he has some learning differences. However, it seems to not matter to him, as we never dwelled on it, or labeled it any which way. Its just my son, who he is.
    Everyone has to eventually cope without much help. Help, therapies, extra time, and all the crutches may really be a wasted effort. Drugs typically don't change organizational skills that much , learning a system might help though. Better yet, the child devising his own system, might work the best of all. Just doing the best one can, is really the best kids can do!
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  • CU123CU123 3620 replies69 threads Senior Member
    I will second that emphatically about testing pre high school. It is a travesty that we do it at all and tends to label kids with negative connotations. Never allow your kid to be tested prior to high school! It is NOT helpful.
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  • austinmshauriaustinmshauri 9020 replies335 threads Senior Member
    @coloradomama: The less parents focus on so called "learning disabilities " the better. No job tests for that.

    So we must cope with the brains we have. There might be therapies, but in the end not all brains are created equal and we need to figure out how to cope with what we have.

    Brains age too, and that takes coping skills. Labeling a child learning disabled does nothing at all for the child. If we left them alone, did not test them, and just let them struggle, some will rise. Some will settle, thats the way of the world.

    Actually, the way of the natural world is survival of the fittest. We're all born with different abilities to fight illness too, but we have interventions such as immunizations, insulin, and antibiotics to help. Yet some have systems strong enough to make it through without them. Should we ditch those interventions too?

    You seem to be making the assumption that people born with learning disorders aren't as intelligent as those who aren't. You should really make an effort to educate yourself. The world is full of doctors, writers, scientists, etc. who were able to become successful after their learning issues were discovered and treated.

    You realize that learning disorders have a genetic component, right? Don't make the mistake of assuming that your kid just isn't as smart as other people. You're doing him a great disservice and it won't be helpful for your grandchildren either. Educate yourself so you recognize the signs. And if your son picked up his learning disorder from you or your spouse you should know there's help available for you too.
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  • LindagafLindagaf 9388 replies502 threads Senior Member
    edited September 15
    Yeah, how about all those researchers and educators who figured out ways to help those poor learning-disabled kids rise to the top? The more I read posts #63 and #64, the more offensive they are. It’s a real shame that modern education has enabled learning disabled kids to cope with their disabilities. What a travesty that there a LOT of people who were able to compensate for their disabilities and become very successful.
    edited September 15
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