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Please grade my DBQ 1-9 and give me a strong feedback

whxogh94whxogh94 Registered User Posts: 4 New Member
edited September 2011 in AP Tests Preparation
Throughout world history, numerous empires and countries fought over the control of land, simply to fulfill their avarices. The consequences of these insignificant wars bestowed huge responsibilities upon the innocent citizens. In order to fight and win a war, a huge amount of money is required; the countries loaned from others or levied absurd taxes upon people. The French Indian War also wasted a huge sum of money; hence, the English Parliament passed many norms and laws to fill the empty storage in their houses. Albeit French Indian War was to protect and defend the English colonies from French and Natives, the colonies were justified to challenge and resist the absolute tyranny of English government and unreasonable military attacks by British soldiers. Despite that Document 1 and 4 advocates English Parliament, the rest of the documents justify the reaction of colonies.


In Parliament's perspective, the colonies should be willing to pay even higher taxes because the war was for the protection colonies and they should be grateful to Parliament for protecting from French and Indians. Document 1 and 4 argues that the war which left huge debts were solely to defend the colonies. This document is biased because Whately states that the Americans who complained are selfish and ungrateful which is totally against the colonists. Cresswell also advocates English tyranny. He even blames New Englanders for the antagonism between the English and colonists, criticizing the propagandas made by New Englanders to convince the remaining colonies.


"Taxation without representation." Needless to say, the colonies in America had to pay a huge sum of money without even a representative in Parliament. Even though the American colonies were under British control, it's absurd that Parliament had the authority to control and oblige the colonies. John Dickinson acknowledges the right to impose tariffs, in spite of this; Parliament cannot levy taxes only to raise the revenue. Albeit French Indian War was to protect the colonies, it's an absolute tyrant act by Parliament to levy taxes to fill the empty storage of England. Sugar Act, Declaratory Act, Tea Act, Townshend act, and Intolerable Act suppress the freedom of colonists. These acts guaranteed the rights of Parliament and taxed many important items such as tea, sugar and wine. Second Continental Congress also opposes the tyranny of England. The colonists argue that this kind of tyranny will eventually destroy the liberty of the colonies hence, they have no option other than to rebel and resist by force.


Despite all these facts, it was the British army who were guilty for waging war in the first place. The Boston Massacre and The Battle of Lexington and Concord destroyed the peaceful life of the colonists. The vile and diabolical British soldiers killed several colonists, thus the colonies are not to be blamed for waging war and breaking away from England. The engraving by John Morgan portrays the Boston Massacre. It was only a crowd of Boston boys throwing snowballs but what did the British soldiers do in response? They fired into the crowd and several people were dead and more were wounded. This unreasonable massacre caused the colonists to rise in order to protect themselves. Thomas Paine tries to persuade the indecisive colonists by describing another absurd military confrontation between English and colonists. In the battles at Lexington and Concord, innumerous colonists were also killed and wounded and this led to the American Revolution. Thus Paine suggests why we should pay to our enemies who destroyed our daily life.


The only choice that the colonists could pick in order to be free from the British tyranny was independence. They couldn’t bear more; Parliament kept passing illogical norms and British soldiers kept causing problems. In the excerpts of The Declaration of Independence, The Continental Congress decided to fight against the British tyrant, who is unfit to be a ruler. This portrayed how incompetent, corrupt and inept the British government was. What could Americans do in response?


After reviewing these documents, it is clear that American colonists were justified in waging war and breaking away from Britain. In America, the colonists couldn’t bear more; the absolute totalitarian rule from English Parliament and unreasonable military engagement by British soldiers. Even though Document 1 and 4 describe the unfairness in Parliament’s perspective and most of the documents were biased, Documents Two, Three, Four, Six and Seven advocate the justification of the colonists, hence, the American Revolution wasn’t just a rebellion but a last move by the colonists to live as a free people.


Thanks Guys!!!!
Post edited by whxogh94 on

Replies to: Please grade my DBQ 1-9 and give me a strong feedback

  • CantConcentrateCantConcentrate Registered User Posts: 2,552 Senior Member
    No one can grade this without you giving us the documents that were a part of the DBQ.
  • mada34mada34 Registered User Posts: 153 Junior Member
    Yeah, no one can grade this without knowing the question and seeing the documents...

    For general feedback, though:
    Never, ever say something like "After reviewing these documents..." It sounds strange and distracts from the essay, in my opinion.

    Do NOT refer directly to the documents (as in, "Document 1 and 4 argues...") Instead, make your point and THEN cite your source (ie Although the war left great debt, it was to defend the colonies (Doc 1 and 4).)

    Some of your sentences make no sense, my friend. The verb tenses are off, subject-verb agreement is lacking, and some of your sentences...aren't sentences. I mean this in the nicest way possible, but is English your first language?
    Ex.:
    "Albeit French Indian War was to protect the colonies, it's an absolute tyrant act by Parliament to levy taxes to fill the empty storage of England."
    "Sugar Act, Declaratory Act, Tea Act, Townshend act, and Intolerable Act suppress the freedom of colonists. These acts guaranteed the rights of Parliament and taxed many important items such as tea, sugar and wine. "
    "In Parliament's perspective..."
    "In America, the colonists couldn’t bear more; the absolute totalitarian rule from English Parliament and unreasonable military engagement by British soldiers."

    Some of your facts and arguments are off as well. For example, how did the Acts "guarantee the rights of Parliament"?


    At times, the DBQ almost seems to be trying to sound smart, but it doesn't really work out. Try to answer the question while staying true to your own voice -- this essay just doesn't sound authentic.
  • whxogh94whxogh94 Registered User Posts: 4 New Member
    Thank you so much!
    Oh, really? I read somewhere that the people who grade these essays don't care that much about the English.
    And by the way English is my third language. :(
This discussion has been closed.