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Easy to make friends with Barnard girls & Columbia guys

barnardclass2012barnardclass2012 User Awaiting Email Confirmation 0 replies1 threads New Member
edited July 2008 in Barnard College
I am part of the Barnard class of 2012, and I am just worried that I will not be able to make a small, long-lasting group of friends from barnard & columbia who are each doing amazing things in life. I am very mature for my age, love to laugh and I know how to have fun. I have a great down-to-earth personality, but I am still worried. People have said that I am an old soul in a young body. LOL. I am worried that other people even at an ivy league school won't be as mature as me. I came from a high school where there were soooo many immature people and wannabe "ghetto" people, so I stayed away from most of the wrong crowds and don't really have any friends from high school. I just want to stay away from anyone from new jersey, because I fear that knowing anyone there will bring me or connect me back into childhood drama with people I just want to never know again and want to escape from in New Jersey.
I hope that I end up with a roommate from California or a far-away place from NJ, so that I can start completely anew! I hope that my roommate and I can become best friends.
Is anybody at Barnard feeling like me? How easy is it to make friends at barnard college?
edited July 2008
3 replies
Post edited by barnardclass2012 on
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Replies to: Easy to make friends with Barnard girls & Columbia guys

  • mythmommythmom 8292 replies13 threads Senior Member
    Very. Probably most Barnard women would consider themselves mature. And I'm sure Columbia students would, too.

    I wouldn't go into the situation being so skeptical of others. Be open. Don't assume you will be more mature. That's a vibe that will alienate people.

    BTW: My D is going into her senior year at Barnard and does have dear friends.
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  • calmomcalmom 20945 replies168 threads Senior Member
    BC2012, I know that there are many high schoolers who are very immature and I can appreciate what it is like to feel alienated from others in high school because of different interests and behavioral standards -- but your post sure doesn't sound like it is coming from a "mature" person. Your desire for a roommate "from California or a far-away place" and hope to "become best friends" actually makes you sound rather naive, with unrealistic expectations. There are a large number of Barnard students from New Jersey, but they come from many different high schools and different backgrounds -- just as the approximately 10% from California. So you certainly can't lump them all together. I could understand wanting to avoid kids you already know from your hometown or school -- but you sound more like someone who has developed stereotyped concepts of what people from "faraway" places must be like.

    I am not trying to be critical -- but I want to offer feedback because I think it is a mistake for you to label others as "immature" if you are also using that as a way of cutting yourself off from them. Also, while it would be nice if you become good friends with your roommate, it is unrealistic to expect that you will be "best friends", and if you seem too clingy you could end up pushing your roommate away; also, if your expectations are too high, you set yourself up for disappointment. It makes a lot more sense to simply hope that you can get along with your roommate and are compatible -- if you end up being good friends, great -- but if not, you should open yourself to friendships with others, and also recognize that it is your responsibility to take some initiative in meeting like minded people.

    There are students of all ages at Barnard & Columbia. My d's best friend her freshman year was a Columbia GS student in his mid-20's. You certainly can opt to participate in activities where older students are more likely to gravitate. However, if you decide at the outset that you think you are more "mature" than others and use that as the lens through which you judge potential friendships, I think that you may have a harder time. I think one of the first qualities of "maturity" is the ability to take responsibility for one's own behavior and attitude, to begin to see yourself as others see you. You feel more "mature" -- but is it possible that you come off to other people as haughty, stuck-up, inaccessible, or judgmental? I'm not saying that you have any of those qualities -- just that its not a good starting point for meeting people to begin with the assumption you are somehow better than the rest of them, whether you define better as being "mature" or more intelligent or any other quality that you feel sets you apart.

    I hope that you filled out your roommate questionnaire honestly, so that at least you will be matched with someone who has expectations and habits that are compatible with yours.
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  • panda2panda2 54 replies6 threads Junior Member
    i agree with calmom that you shouldn't label yourself too strongly and then isolate yourself. and you shouldn't hold to that attitude, because you'll probably find that the people who you gravitate towards, who feel they are "mature" are actually the very opposite.

    i'm from nj too, and i understand the things that you dislike about nj, but you can't hold on to those reasons and simply reject every kid from there, or automatically judge them because they're from your state. you better get used to the fact that you are going to school in NYC. a LOT of kids come from jersey. my roommate is from NJ, my suitmate for next year, and some good friends too. my roommate and i would have gotten along terribly if i automatically judged her because of where she came from. and i think i would have looked rather stupid doing it, as i would have disliked her for something that we have in common. and you have to understand that this isn't like, rutgers, where the kids from jersey sometimes fit that category that you hate. the people from jersey who come here are different, as they chose to come here.

    and also, you'll find that the people that you would "normally" stay away from, are actually really cool. i'm friends with a bunch of columbia kids who are loud and fun-loving, sometimes immature, but also have intellectual sides to them. my friends from high school tend to be more "low-key", enjoying art and nature and hanging out with older people and siblings. i didn't think i would be friends in college with the kids i found, but i am and am obviously happy. what i'm saying is that if i had kept a closed mind, rejected opportunities that i may not be familiar with, i wouldn't have those friends.

    if you come to school with expectations and goals of finding certain types of people, i promise you that you will miss out of potential friends.
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