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College essay help!

klmbrmklmbrm Registered User Posts: 4 New Member
Please help criticize and edit my personal essay:
You will be asked to submit one personal essay. The personal essay will allow the admissions staff to get to know who you are as a student. Your essay should be limited to approximately 2500 characters, including spaces.
2016-2017 Essay Topics
Tell a story from your life, describing an experience that either demonstrates your character or helped to shape it.
Essay link: https://****/document/d/1FB1PQ8q9C-I35oUb_uir7gAYiNNqCoFhUhpFC4sZbBc/edit?usp=sharing

Replies to: College essay help!

  • klmbrmklmbrm Registered User Posts: 4 New Member
    edited September 2016
  • klmbrmklmbrm Registered User Posts: 4 New Member
    Heres the actual essay:

    My life has always been constantly changing. To me this was something ordinary. Moving schools every 2-3 years and making friends all over again was just normal to me. I never thought of becoming successful because I have never learned that from all the moving I did. I was used to leaving and starting over. Nothing could ever prepare me for the journey I was about to have, moving from North Carolina to a country 5,000 miles away: England.
    I just finished my Sophomore year of high school year and was told I’d finish high school without moving. To me this was the best news I could ever hear. I could make longer friendships, memories, and enjoy my entire high school years without leaving. I could finally settle down. All of this changed when I heard we were moving again, but this time to a different country. I was excited, scared and a bit sad, seeing as I never thought I’d had to leave again
    Filled with mixed emotions and he hardest goodbyes ever, I left America. I finally started my journey in England. The first day of school was the scariest though. I have always been a quiet person, never wanted to get on the bad side of teachers and did what I needed to do without bothering anyone else. This suited me in America since every school I’ve been to, you would get in trouble for talking. However, it was totally different in my new school in England.
    My new school in England was of course different. Wearing a uniform and going to a private school with class sizes as small as 4 people was not normal to me. Sitting in class, my teachers always told me to actively ask questions. This was different. I have always been perfectly able to sit in class without saying anything, and I would learn anything without having to ask questions, I would just figure everything out on my own. I wouldn’t have to study extra because I got the grades I wanted. That was my character. I was just so used to going about everything on my own and not expecting anything.
    After just a year in England my entire character changed. I learned it is okay to ask for help, and also maintain your own independence. I learned to work hard and to study more. I learned that things will get hard and to never give up. Most of all I learned not to only just try your best that you should also believe, strive and achieve. I went from a fixed mindset of just try to do what has to be done, to a growth mindset of do your best and succeed. Without this experience I wouldn’t be the person I am today.
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