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Woah baby here's another

ClaySoulClaySoul - Posts: 2,176 Senior Member
edited February 2005 in College Admissions
Here's another essay. I'm a freshman at Tulane and this is my transfer essay to Yale.

The question was: 1. Why do you wish to transfer to Yale? What personal or educational experiences influenced your decision to apply?

A Transfer to Yale


Yale University is a unique institution. At Yale, I can actively pursue my three main interests: Molecular, Cellular, and Developmental Biology, Psychology and Cognitive science; rugby, and ceramics. I feel that at Yale, I could receive a superb education enhanced by a supportive community, academic and social life, and extra curricular options. Because of these reasons and more, I am passionately seeking to transfer from my current school, Tulane University, and become a part of Yale’s academic community.
Yale carries excellent programs in Biology, Psychology, and cognitive Science. All three of these programs have talented faculty and an incredible breadth of course options. I am also interested in the neurosciences, and the Psychology program has a special Behavioral Neuroscience track and many neuroscience courses. Additionally, the Special Divisional Major option would allow me the flexibility to create my own major that incorporates all of these academic interests.
Furthermore, Yale’s liberal arts focus and broad curriculum would allow me to pursue those interests and more, such as Women’s Studies, Art, Political Science, Theater, and Architecture. Its dedicated faculty enhances learning though both teaching and research opportunities with a genuine focus on undergraduates. Many of the upper level science classes at Tulane are large, where as Yale boasts many small upper level classes with personal attention.
I am also an avid rugby player. After a year at college, I have decided that I would like to play rugby at the competitive collegiate level, which is not available at Tulane. The North East Rugby Football Union is a renowned conference with many strong teams. Yale’s team is a perfect fit for me -- enthusiastic, fun loving, and dedicated to both the game and academics.
Additionally, I would be able to pursue my passion for ceramics through the facilities on and near campus. There are local craft centers and many of the residential colleges have ceramics studios. Furthermore, I would also be able to explore other areas of art such as painting and sculpture through Yale’s own excellent fine arts program.
Yale has a unique, intelligent, motivated, and friendly student body. I am a very intellectual person and would love Yale’s vibrant campus rich with discussion of ideas. In also I have many interests and love to try new things. I hope to join and contribute to many student organizations as well as Yale’s community as a whole.
I would like to attend for a school with a supportive community atmosphere. Unlike Tulane, where many students live off campus, Yale’s residential campus fosters a rich sense of community. Its unique Residential College system allows students to develop close ties with their fellow College members, and faculty, such as the College Master and Dean. The Residential Colleges are a perfect venue for academic life, social life, and fun College traditions.
Yale University is a place I could call home, academically, socially, and personally. Yale is a perfect fit; meeting my interests in academics, sports, the arts, and beyond. I feel I would be able to get a superb education at Yale University, enhanced by its extra curricular options, social interactions, and supportive community.
Post edited by ClaySoul on

Replies to: Woah baby here's another

  • NorthstarmomNorthstarmom Registered User Posts: 24,853 Senior Member
    You can use the same excellent lead and general format that you used for Brown. Just change the essay by painting a picture of your life at Yale.
  • ClaySoulClaySoul - Posts: 2,176 Senior Member
    You mean the zydeco story? That doesn't really have to do with why I want to transfer to yale or personal and educational decisions I made. I wrote that for brown because they wanted you to articulate your college experience to date, and a story was all I could think of to do!
  • NorthstarmomNorthstarmom Registered User Posts: 24,853 Senior Member
    The zydeco story is a good lead in to virtually any transfer essay that you'll do because it clearly shows that you are making your transfer selection based on wishing to have better educational opportunities. Your willingness to forgo the fun of New Orleans for the cold, gray skies and academic opportunities of the NE is something that can make you stand out -- if you take advantage of this by using an anecdote to pull the adcoms into your essay.

    Right now, your essay is, frankly, boring. You need to show, not tell.
  • sybbie719sybbie719 Super Moderator Posts: 22,458 Super Moderator
    Clay,

    I'm sorry your essay is a little boring and lacks passion because it seems that all you have done is describe things that Yale already knows that it has and nothing really about you , what you bring to the Yale community and your passion for Yale
  • ClaySoulClaySoul - Posts: 2,176 Senior Member
    You guys definitely have a point. How can I put more zazz into an essay that simply asks why do you want to transfer here.

    I could use the Zydeco story -- in fact, I'd love to, but I was afraid that wouldn't properly adress the question because it doen't ask about a college experience. I don't want it to seem like a recycled essay!

    Thoughts?
  • sybbie719sybbie719 Super Moderator Posts: 22,458 Super Moderator
    but isn't the college experience at Yale just as important to you as the academic? You are going to be in a totally different atmosphere with the residential colleges and there is a world of difference between New haven and New Orleans. while you may be "giving up "some things, so why you're ready to embrace your new environment .why do you want this change, what are some of the things you are looking forward to. You've got the answer in your head, you've just gotta put it on the paper
  • CC AdminCC Admin Administrator Posts: 32,459 Senior Member
    I agree with previous assessments. its a bit too much like a list.

    but whatever u decide to write, u better hurry ur butt up! its due tomorrow!
This discussion has been closed.