This is in response to the Why Penn? essay. I'm concerned whether the tone is insincere. It's only the introduction though, I will write more, but I wanted to know if I was going in the right direction. Do you think that the second paragraph makes me sound conceited? Appreciate the feedback, thanks!
I always buy lunch from the Yue Kee food cart on 38th street. Its not what we call authentic around my house, but hey, they make a good orange chicken. On any other day, I would indulge myself outside the Au Bon Pain across the street, but I was studying for my Biology final that day, so I made my way back to my study room at Van Pelt. Strolling down Locust Walk, I noticed from afar what seemed like chalk drawings all over the pavement. Flagrant vandalizing right in the heart of Penns campus! Oh the audacity. As I got closer, I saw that the culprits had signed their names as well: The Penny Loafers. Apparently they were holding auditions for new members. Beneath all the curlycues and exclamation marks, the Penny Loafers advertised, Ass Kicking Acapella! Shaking my head, I thought to myself, Only at Penn.
Over the past summer, I have had the opportunity to explore many of Penns programs through the Summer at Penn Program and my internship at the Clinical Research Building. Although I was not able to attend the Penny Loafers invitation, I did look into many of Penns more academic programs. Most of my explorations were in the scientific field (pun intended.) My summer goal was not to dig up as much dirt on Penn as I could so I can better write this essay, but to see for myself whether I could survive in Penns rigorous academic atmosphere. Biology 101 had the reputation of being the most challenging course in the program. Sadly, I did not learn of this until a week after classes had started. I was suspicious when our professor announced that we were required to read one chapter per night, but I figured, Its the Ivy League, whatd you expect? Little did I know, Biology 101 did not have class five days a week during the normal school-year.