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My Counselor Hates Me.. New Details.. Please Read and Help!

NealJ2KNealJ2K Registered User Posts: 561 Member
edited November 2008 in College Admissions
This post is the update to: http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-admissions/588027-how-can-i-avoid-conselor-recommendation-she-hates-me.html

Okay.... so it's official now:
-- She checked Below Average for personal qualities and character
-- She wrote about how I haven't respected people (I didn't read the letter, but she implied this) and other things along that line
-- She refuses to let me see it
-- My mom attempted to call her and speak with her about this and she avoided the phone call, then when I had her call my mom back, she dodged that as well
-- I very much suspect her letter borders on slander...
-- I know my two teacher recommendations wrote very very positively about me (I read one and it was very good and very specific -- and the other I know will be very good as well)
-- My supplemental is from my principal/superintendent (the same person does same job) and is very positive quote from it "Neal has repeatedly demonstrated strong leadership skills, dependability, and intelligent lifestyle." and "one of the most intelligent young men I have worked with" .... It's not too specific but it's definitely positive.

She claims that she can't write me a decent letter based on her "ethics" and "honesty." (and I use quote marks because those two words are her claims about herself.... not truthful assessments). Apparently, she thinks I am a horrible person who has no regard for anyone else, or at least, that's what she implies. This is NOT true. I know I will be successful wherever I go, and I KNOW I don't have problems with other people.... I get along with more people than the average person at my school does... I don't understand it... all I expect is an at least neutral letter, I don't expect an adoring/raving/amazing letter....

AHHH I AM FREAKING OUT!!!! Will my supplemental/teacher recs overshadow the counselor's utterly horrible recommendation??? Is there anything I can do on my end to rebut her negativity? It's unjustified and undeserved!
Post edited by NealJ2K on

Replies to: My Counselor Hates Me.. New Details.. Please Read and Help!

  • Whistler09Whistler09 Registered User Posts: 65 Junior Member
    I'm confused as to how your GC got this impression of you...?
  • athenegoddessathenegoddess Registered User Posts: 880 Member
    ^ second this.

    And i really won't be too worried about her refusing to let you see it. Many counselors/teachers will NOT alllow students to see their recs, so that they can write recs without the pressure of parents/ students breathing down their necks. At my school, we don't expect to ask to see recs EVER because of this reason.
  • NealJ2KNealJ2K Registered User Posts: 561 Member
    Well, long story...
    - Admittedly, I was a bit of a rascal in middle school, but I have made drastic, conscious changes to myself since then. I wasn't "flawed in character" - I was just different than other people and others (including teachers) did not understand me at all because I was so much more intellectually advanced than other students my age. (not trying to be a braggart - it's the truth). The problem is is that she cannot see past how I acted in MS and thinks she has to report how I acted back then, basically.

    I wasn't outright bad. Though, I have bucked the system which is partially due to the system's lack of interest in educating students. I have also taken more of her time (and you have to understand that this woman thinks she's busy 24/7) than other students because I actually *care* about getting into college and about doing well in HS.

    She also doesn't understand anything about college admissions because she's never done anything even remotely similar to CommonApp - she's only done state school or community college apps (which only require a transcript from her).

    Basically, she's the kind of person who ideally wants every to fit inside of a "box" she has in her mind. It's pretty much been a personality conflict between us to. Neither of us are "bad people" it's just that our beliefs and thoughts lie in different places.

    It's really weird that she hates me so much... I have done tons of volunteering for her -- I have set up her Palm Pilot, I worked on some computer stuff for her, I have refereed soccer games for her, and I've done a few misc. things to. I am also polite, even if I am a bit upset at her at times (like when she puts me off for a month for pertinent school-related stuff) (or when she says she'll have tests printed off for me for online APs by a certain day and doesn't)

    It's hard to explain -- I hope I helped.
  • jcy2009jcy2009 Registered User Posts: 232 Junior Member
    that really sucks...i know what kind of person you are talking about though. very inflexible
  • DougBetsyDougBetsy Registered User Posts: 5,830 Senior Member
    Is her letter already in the mail to your school(s)? If not then perhaps you don't need it. You already have the principal and 2 teachers.

    If the letter is already sent, then arrange in-person interviews at the schools that matter. You can rebutt her at that time.
  • NorthstarmomNorthstarmom Registered User Posts: 24,853 Senior Member
    " Admittedly, I was a bit of a rascal in middle school"

    What exactly did you do?

    Virtually no teachers or GCs show students their reccs, and most won't even provide as much info as your GC has given you.

    Unless your record reflects h.s. suspensions, expulsions or legal problems, I doubt that most colleges will pay that much attention to your GC's ratings.

    Presumably, you'll have teacher ratings that will be higher.

    It's possible to get into colleges -- including good ones -- with a bad rating, particularly if that rating seems unsubstantiated. After I got into Harvard, a teacher who wrote my recc said she wrote that Harvard should reject me. I'm guessing that the teacher, who was white and a member of the Daughters of the American Revolution (which had been a very racist organization) thought that I was a black radical because I'd written a term paper on the Black Power movement for her class.

    I suspect that the paper -- which was one of the intellectual highlights of my h.s. experience, one that I referred to in my Harvard interviews, is one reason that Harvard --and several other top colleges accepted me.

    I've also been in a position of accepting a h.s. student for a very competitive internship even though her teacher refused to recommend the student for the internship. The things that the teacher disliked about the student -- including inquisitiveness, a well informed perspective, assertiveness -- were exactly the things we were looking for in our interns.
  • NealJ2KNealJ2K Registered User Posts: 561 Member
    I was never expelled and I haven't had legal problems. I was suspended, but it was a minimal event, and I have 100x made up for it.
    Brief explanation:
    I made some changes to the school website because some kid left the web design account logged in (There was absolutely no hacking or deception involved). She didn't talk about this in her rec because the school doesn't allow disciplinary records to be talked about to colleges/scholarships.
    What I do now:
    I now administrate the school's website by myself (I did a full redesign and now do all of the updates), when our tech expert was ill for 9 weeks this year I helped take over some of his duties (I troubleshot and helped out tons of teachers with tech problems), and I helped out a long term sub in the classroom everyday for 9 weeks.

    Note: My principal rec talks about what I've done for the school, my explanation of the suspension talks about it, I have this as an EC, at least one teacher rec talks about this, and the GC talks about this too (and I she says positive positive things)
    (All of the above that talk about it say how I have good character for taking tons of time to help the school out in a time of need)

    Meh, when I was in middle school I got into trouble sometimes. I got no more than an occasional detention. It really has no reflection on my character. It did have a reflection on my behavior AT THE TIME. It's irrelevant now, but that might be part of the source.

    And yes, my teacher's recommendations are awesome :) I'm very happy with what I got from them -- one teacher offered to show me (and asked me to proofread lol) and the other didn't, but I know her well enough to know that she wrote very highly about me.
  • NorthstarmomNorthstarmom Registered User Posts: 24,853 Senior Member
    Based on your post, #8, I don't think you should be worried about your GC recc.
  • NealJ2KNealJ2K Registered User Posts: 561 Member
    Thanks for the encouragement and information Northstarmom -- I am glad you've taken the time to read my overly long posts :) . Knowing her (lacking) communication skills, I am pretty sure she will generalize and not use specific examples -- which should help me out.
  • Anon_Person_1Anon_Person_1 Registered User Posts: 2,453 Senior Member
    Personally, it sounds like a bitter woman. If you have three good recommendations (especially from your principal!), I don't see how one bad one can possibly keep you out. They will most likely figure she has her own issues to deal with
  • lilyrobinlilyrobin Registered User Posts: 489 Member
    Agreed with Anon-yes, it definitely does suck that someone would say all that about you, but from the sound of it you have three other terrific recs coming your way, and I bet (and hope! for your sake) that colleges will recognize that this woman has some issue with you (or, some personal issues...?) that clearly doesn't show who you are, because of what the other recs say.
  • InvoyableInvoyable Registered User Posts: 3,582 Senior Member
    Some counselors are just like that; strange. Since your other recs and other things about you are positive, I don't think it's a big deal. I wouldn't worry much.
    I'm guessing that the teacher, who was white and a member of the Daughters of the American Revolution (which had been a very racist organization) thought that I was a black radical because I'd written a term paper on the Black Power movement for her class.
    lol @ this...just because you're african-american, doesn't mean you're a radical...don't know how the teacher didn't know that, but since you have the title "mom" in your screenname I assume it was a long time ago, when racism was more...common. Reminds me of the time when I wrote a 2 page paper last year for English about Asian food and she thought I was an "Asia addict", despite just me liking some types of Asian food (I am part Asian..but still).
  • Gryffon5147Gryffon5147 Registered User Posts: 3,765 Senior Member
    I understand your position, and wish you the best... After looking at your Original post and this one, I can see that you have tried everything humanistically possible, and that there seems to be little to change this...

    I hope you do well, and that this circumstance won't reflect on what you truly deserve.
  • moviemania101moviemania101 Registered User Posts: 345 Member
    One thing you could possibly do is go to that GC for help. Ask her you need help. say things like how can I become a better person. tell her you had a revelation and want to start a new life. tell her you did not like your old lifestyle and you want to change it so you can succeed in life. This will most definately knock her off her feet, and she will help you. ask like, is there anything I can do to change myself, I am willing to do ANYTHING. Ask if there are ways you can be a better person, suggest volunteering or something, she will give you help. Afterwards, thank her very much and ask how life has been. Ask how her husband, and if she has any photos of kids, ask how many kids she has, how old, and tell her they look so cute, and then laugh. Before you leave, thank her again and tell her to have a good afternoon, weekend, whatever. And also when you go in, look professional, even if u usually dress punk or somethin, change urself for 1 day and this will definately sell ur changed attitude. Look like u are going in for an interview, minus the tie on shirt. Carry a AP(if ur taking any ap classes) book with you to look estudius and your passion to succeed. And always look at her and smile. Laugh if she makes a joke and never look ****ed off, ever.

    I know you can change you GC attitude towards you, I changed myn's from thinking of me as an average **** to a "top student I have ever seen". I just go in and talk to him. Ask for advice even if you dont need it. Say do u think i shold take SAT's again, I really want to change my life around and go to a good school, but I dunno fi my SATs aare good, what do you think? Even if u can give a rats butt about the GC's opinion, nod ur head and agree.

    lol, my bad if this was covered above, I didnt read any of it.

    Hope this helps, keep in touch with me, i wanna see how it turns out
  • NealJ2KNealJ2K Registered User Posts: 561 Member
    Wow, movie, that was the cheesiest thing I've ever heard :)

    But, I did try that approach, but not quite as dramatic lol, and also it wasn't false or posed... I explained that even though i was worse as a younger kid, I am not all that way now. Also, i *do* volunteer quite a bit...

    Also, she and her husband got divorced like 5 years ago :-P (can you blame him)

    Also, she's a bit angry that I never show up to homeroom (i am in hers).... my principal said that I don't have to go, so I don't....
This discussion has been closed.