Can someone please give me feedback on this essay that I wrote. It is fore Carleton University in Canada.
Thanks in advance!
Write a letter to your college roommate introducing
yourself and describing your background.
Even though I have never run a marathon, hiked the Kilimanjaro Mountains, nor canoed the Amazon River, I am still a pretty interesting person. Near the end of the Cold War, June ___, 1988 to be more precise, I was brought to this world. Following me came my brother, Paul, and two years after him came my sister, Delphine. Even though my parents are from France, the home of wine and cheese, I was born and raised in California, home of the high surf.
When my head is not buried in a history textbook, I enjoy playing tennis and skateboarding. When not taking College Board standardized tests on Saturday mornings, I go down to the Newport Pier and ride the waves for a couple of hours. After that I go to the Donut Bakery and get my usual two glazed circle-shaped donuts. I really enjoy jamming on my acoustic guitar even though I am not the next Jim Morrison or Paul McCartney. As well as playing some of their songs I really enjoy listening to them on my iPOD.
Other than going on safaris in the Sahara and walking on the moon, one of my major goals in life is to become a computer engineer. I believe that Carleton University will help me achieve this goal. Another goal of mine is to raise a family. Hopefully I will be able to do this with my job in the engineering field.
Even though I have never faced extremely difficult challenges, the biggest one would probably be writing this essay. I feel it is hard to write about my whole life in just 500 words. I mean five-hundred words to explain everything that has happened to me in my seventeen years on this planet is pure madness! Other challenges I have faced include being the president of the Ping-Pong Club at ________High School. Even though this position is rewarding in that it gives me leadership skills as well as experience, it is also tough to manage a group of thirty teenagers during their lunch break who are all eager to have fun playing ping-pong.
I believe that all the difficult moments that I have survived are due to God. Because I am a Catholic who goes to mass once a week and participates in the youth program, I feel that God gives me strength to go through these hard times and keep a smile while I am at it.
Although I have learned and experienced tons of things during my child and teenage years, I believe that I will be able to expand on them here at Carleton.