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Why do guys I like never like me back?

collegebagelcollegebagel Registered User Posts: 2 New Member
edited February 2013 in College Confidential Cafe
Hi, I am 18 and I am a freshman in college and I've never had a boyfriend in my life.

I am not fat (5.2ft 108lbs) and I am pretty satifisfied with how I look.

I've been on several dates before and a few guys have asked me out before but I declined because I wasn't interested in them a bit.

It will be really nice to have a guy that I like and who likes me back as my boyfriend but it's not a BOYFRIEND that I want.

I've just never been liked by the person I really liked and now I am afraid that maybe guys that I like will never like me back in the future and I will eventually just end up going out with a person who I don't even like that much just because I can't get the guy I want and force myself to like him and maybe my marriage will be like that too.

I don't need to have a boyfriend but I just want for once that the guy I like will like me back just so that I know, that I can be liked by somebody I like too. I just want that assurance. Just want to know that I deserve to be liked by somebody I like. Or do I deserve to go out with somebody I like?? Are there certain girls who deserve it and who don't?

I am so sad... and so depressed that no guy that I ever like will like me back..
Post edited by collegebagel on

Replies to: Why do guys I like never like me back?

  • DCHurricaneDCHurricane - Posts: 2,976 Senior Member
    I'm guessing that you're putting off an incredibly needy vibe, to the point of seeming codependent. You say yourself that you don't want a guy to be your boyfriend but just to like you back the way a boyfriend would. Why does it matter if he likes you back or not if he's not gonna be your boyfriend?

    I think you've got some dependency issues.
  • js.jazz88js.jazz88 Registered User Posts: 39 Junior Member
    The way you are perceived (how OTHER people think you look) may be out of line with your self perception (how YOU think you look) and your corresponding standards (for the guys that you "like").

    Note that this can go both ways. Aside from the obvious case, you could be blindingly attractive but don't know it, and are thus attracted to average guys who are intimidated.
  • BatlloBatllo - Posts: 3,047 Senior Member
    Guys like to be the hunter, not the hunted.
    You refuse to go out with guys unless you like them first?
    You are missing out on a possible bf or at least a friend.
    You should be depressed because you do not have a clue.
  • collegebagelcollegebagel Registered User Posts: 2 New Member
    ok thats not what I meant. What I meant was that I don't want to have a boyfriend because of the title...you know what I mean? Like many girls go out with guys just because they want something called boyfriend..and they can tell others about them..
    Of course i want a boyfriend. I want a boyfriend more than anything right now but I want go out with somebody that I actually like....Not just with any guy who likes me when I have this guy that I already like...who doesnt like me back..as always..
    Is this just the matter of timing? Will I eventually find someone who I like and who will like me back or do I have issues and I won't meet any guy who I like and who will like me back unless I fix those issues?
  • DCHurricaneDCHurricane - Posts: 2,976 Senior Member
    Much like the advice given for guys, you should not make finding a boyfriend such a big priority. Focus on the other things that enrich your life, and you'll naturally meet someone and things will just... work.
  • Johnson181Johnson181 Registered User Posts: 4,226 Senior Member
    collegebagel- what you're describing is essentially what most high school relationships are (as I recall high school).

    DC's right- I've found if you stop trying so hard you're bound to meet someone.
  • UFBARBIEUFBARBIE Registered User Posts: 126 Junior Member
    Honey, you are only 18 so CALM DOWN! You will find a bf when the time is right. As for right now, do other stuff that you enjoy and stop thinking too hard about it.

    I think the best bfs come along when you least expect it.
  • reesezpiecez103reesezpiecez103 Registered User Posts: 1,246 Senior Member
    Don't worry - you will meet someone eventually. I remember being 17 and wondering what was wrong with me, and why I never seemed to like the right person. Eventually, though, I did find someone, and although it didn't work out, I learned a lot.

    College is a place where you will meet many new people and can even reinvent who you are yourself. You'll meet guys, don't worry; you'll find new people that you like. But I wouldn't pin all of your hopes on one person. If people ask you out, give them a chance - you might really be surprised. I know someone who had turned down the same guy a few times, and finally agreed to go out with him as more of a "pity date" (as she put it). They've now been dating for nearly 3 years! You never know what'll happen as long as you have an open mind. :)
  • DCHurricaneDCHurricane - Posts: 2,976 Senior Member
    ^See, dreams do come true!

    Now if only you people would ask guys out for once :/
  • amber2010amber2010 Registered User Posts: 166 Junior Member
    I was thinking maybe it's the way you're reacting to guys that you like vs. that the guys you don't like. You could possibly be coming off as over the top and needy as DC pointed out.

    And if you don't want the guy that you don't like then do like I do and don't answer his txt or calls. It irritates the hell out of em. Just make sure you're not screwing with a psycho...
  • dudecollegeguydudecollegeguy Registered User Posts: 75 Junior Member
    Maybe your standards are too high.
  • AryakkAryakk Registered User Posts: 51 Junior Member
    Lettuce be reality, this isn't a problem attractive girls have.

    Your standards are too high. Aim lower.
  • QwertyKeyQwertyKey Registered User Posts: 4,590 Senior Member
    "I've been on several dates before and a few guys have asked me out before but I declined because I wasn't interested in them a bit."


    You've never had a boyfriend because you've decided you don't want a boyfriend.

    Mystery solved.
  • UKdude84UKdude84 Registered User Posts: 468 Member
    You just need to meet some real men.

    Dont be needy, that's #1.
  • reesezpiecez103reesezpiecez103 Registered User Posts: 1,246 Senior Member
    Lettuce be reality, this isn't a problem attractive girls have.

    That's a little harsh, aryakk. I think a lot of people have felt this way at one time or another, attractive or not.
This discussion has been closed.