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Why do I feel this way?

sta3535sta3535 205 replies113 threads Member
edited August 2018 in College Confidential Cafe
During certain situations, I feel that some of my friends/acquaintances are creating certain opinions of me by talking behind my back within the friend groups that we're apart of. I also feel this way with random students as well. I also know that they're not doing it, but still...

Now, this may or may not be a result of what I've done in the past, but I'm not sure where this unwanted anxiety comes from, despite taking medication for it. This has been going on since middle school or so, and I'm always nice, kind, and respectful towards my friends, and they seem to enjoy my company.

My current situation:

I'm asking this because I'm currently a junior who's still living on campus to save money. Most of the freshman and sophomores live the dorms, while most upperclassmen live off-campus. So, I've recently became friends with some of the younger class-men in my dorm. I'm not sure if they think it's weird if an upperclassmen decides to stay on campus, but maybe I'm just blowing this all out of proportion and I shouldn't worry about it.
edited August 2018
7 replies
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Replies to: Why do I feel this way?

  • MaineLonghornMaineLonghorn 43001 replies2311 threads Super Moderator
    I lived in a dorm all four years. It was perfect for me. I don't think anyone thought less of me for it, but if they did, I didn't care!
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  • intparentintparent 36292 replies644 threads Senior Member
    I lived in a dorm thru junior year, then anothet tyoe of quasi-campus housing (a co-op) senior year at a large university where most students live off campus after soph year. I don’t think anyone talked. Not that I cared if they did.
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  • Midwest67Midwest67 4386 replies15 threads Senior Member
    @sta3535

    A good therapist will help you develop a set of skills to handle these kinds of anxious thoughts.

    It's the nature of human beings to gossip & talk about others. Even though most of us realize this about people, and most of us participate in it, it can be uncomfortable and anxiety-producing when we imagine what others are saying about us.

    It's not very often that we sit back and imagine others saying amazing and wonderful things about us. No, we are usually on the lookout for negative things, and we are wired (IMO) to be conscious of, and protective of, some aspects of our social status & image of ourselves.

    I've found working with a therapist to be very helpful. I could bring up specific, recent incidents in our sessions, and with the help of the therapist, learn new skills to manage what troubled me.

    Also, I found it helpful reading about secular Buddhism and how the mind works so I could get in the practice of being the observer of my non-stop chattering mind.

    And, lastly, I used to have almost no sense of humor about my anxious thoughts, and now I am better about breaking out my sense of humor and deflating some of the negative self-talk. It takes awareness, and practice. Like anything.

    Good luck!
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  • parentofdaughterparentofdaughter 3 replies0 threads New Member
    sta3535 Relax, you are very normal having these feelings! I’m a 60 year old parent who went to college and raised two wonderful kids who are in college themselves and doing fine.

    First, let’s get to the point. We all wonder if we are normal, some think about it infrequently and others all the time because they might feel anxious. Truth is normal covers a very much broader range of feelings and behavior that most people think, most people are very normal across a wide range of feelings, emotions and behaviors. i’d suggest your stop thinking about being normal and instead focus on trying to be a good person who helps others less fortunate, demonstrates empathy and compassion for others and has a strong self identification with a higher power and purpose. To get to this point in your life you must have faith in yourself, in humanity and open your senses to appreciate all the wonderful things in your life today. Let me explain what i constantly come back to and drill into my kids whom i love so very much.

    1. If you’re in America and going to college you are a very lucky and capable person in the world. Seriously, look around in the world. You’ve already won the jackpot.

    2. Now that you realize how truly blessed you are stop thinking and worrying about what anyone might think about you- ever! Why? Because you can’t ever really control that AND even if you could, no one else’s opinion really matters, nor ever will, in terms of you being a normal person, or worthwhile person, etc. The only one that matters is your opinion of your self. Period.

    3. In line with pt. 2 above, stop worrying about things you can’t control because you can’t affect the outcome. Worry about things you can’t control is useless noise and allowing negative energy into your life. Move from worrying about things you C AN control to concrete steps to improve the situation as best you can. The shift to action builds a cumulative self actualization that will empower you, build confidence and actual achieve results in either how you react to the situation or improving the area of concern.

    4. One die we all will die, period. So the only thing that matters in the end is truly did you try your best, give your goals the highest effort of your mind and skills, and did you bring more love and kindness into the world than you took from it.

    5. You are not really alone in the path of your life. Billions x many have gone before you and billions are along in your journey now with you. While your own thoughts may seem scary or anxious at times, billions of other people have had those same thoughts and growing challenges throughout their lifetimes. Your personality and spirit alone are unique among billions, but the e perience of life and it’s challenges are not. As mentioned above you already hit the jackpot for having a strong and advantageous start.

    6. Therapy and medicine can be helpful but you own your own breakthrough. Breakthrough will come by truly incorporating the above tenets and choosing to practice and demonstrate them in your life. Thoughts are not who you really are, they don’t control you unless you give them to much weight. Remember everybody has both good and bad thoughts, so focu and allow the good ones and kill the bad ones. How? Easy I promise the works try it. When you have a good thought or experince, notice how you feel warm, comfortable maybe at ease. Live in the moment, soak it up. When a bad thought comes along, immediately take your right forefinger and tap it against your right side of your head twice and say No, no bad thoughts, you’re not real, goodby! I promise you if you learn to do this it stops bad thoughts dead.

    7. Structure and routine build regularity, regularity reinforces friendly guideposts and boundaries, ans theses in turn improve efficiency, being in the groove which’s build strength, reserve for challenges and ultimately personal strength and peace of mind. Go buy the book on Amazon “Make Your Bed” everyday, it’s a good guide to getting started.

    8. Exercise, exercise, excercise and eat healthy. Walk if that’s all you can do. Walk daily (structure) set goals to increase how much you walk over time etc.

    9. Set up a weekly schedule on paper and keep to it everyday, including getting up early on the weekends. Use a planner and fill out time sections for every day of the week. Get up at 6 am. Exercise. Breakfast. classes. study sessions. laundry. Study in the library. Go to prof office hours. Talk to classmates to get into a study group. reserve end of day time say 6-11 pm for study. Repeat. get up ay 6 on saturday etc. Once you get up one week at 6 am you will start to wake up on time ever day without an alarm. Plan occasional off campus weekend activities.

    10. Join a group activity or two. Or if you are religious go to services regulary. Nourish your spirit. Develop a relationship with prayer with higher power. Read about buddhism and how the mind works. Stop thinking and join a mentor group for nearby underprivileged kids and join a soup kitchen every weekend. You will be blown away how powerful and amazing you will feel!

    Speak with any adult and they will tell you all you’re going through is in the normal range, everyone goes through it one way or another, and we all get through it! When us older adults look back at when we were your age we laugh hard because it seemed so crazy and scary at times when in reality it was no big deal and we survived having ultimately some of the best times in our lives.

    Honestly, you can do this, and you will thrive!

    God Bless you, sending you you warm wishes and the love of a fellow human being!

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  • Deplivars1994Deplivars1994 11 replies0 threads New Member
    Listen, buddy. It's all anxiety and overthinking. Please, do not drown in this as it make cause major issues with time. What has helped me in some way, when i tried to defeat anxiety (spoiler: still anxious) is that people actually don't really care about you. I mean random people. Your friends do. And your friends won't talk bad things behind your back unless it's just an inside joke and they know you won't get offended by this. Try to communicate with people more and just be yourself. We are all weirdos in a way.
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