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After 6 months I finally made a decision. The next day, I'm not too sure it was the right one.

thegeehee10thegeehee10 2 replies4 threads New Member
So I am an incredibly indecisive person, and I had been toying with the idea of transferring colleges for the past 6 months. I am going in to my sophomore year and spent the first year at an out of state college that is far away from my home. I chose this college because it had good opportunities for my intended major, linguistics. However, looking back I had a gut feeling telling me to not go to the out of state college. I dismissed this as simply fear of change and leaving my family, and decided to go anyways. The first semester started out rough, but I attributed this to homesickness. Towards the end of the first semester, I joined the fencing team and made good friends there. Towards the end of first semester I was really enjoying my time there.

However, second semester came and I started to feel different. I got into classes for my major, and I started to feel confused. The classes for my major did not seem that interesting. I started zoning out in class, and I honestly began dreading to go there every day. The 3 main reasons that I went there turned out to be kind of disappointing. However, I did find other reasons to be there like the fencing team, mountains, and the plentiful healthy food options. Soon, I felt oppressed by the intense desert heat that started to begin towards the end of the school year. I felt like I had to get out of there at whatever cost. I would wake up feeling angry because I didn't listen to my intuition at the very beginning, and may have been stuck in a state I didn't like because of a major I didn't want anymore. I went to an out of state tournament with my fencing team, and it was the happiest that I had felt in months. But when I returned, I was back to feeling down and sad all day, waiting for each day to end so I could be one step closer to leaving.

After coming home, I had to make the decision of whether to transfer to my in state college. For the entire summer, I have been ruminating about this decision nonstop. It has made me so tired and frustrated. My mom would always ask me which decision, and nearly every time I would say that I was leaning towards transferring. The price of the out of state with scholarship was not too different from in state without, so money wasn't a big issue. There are a lot of good things about the in state college, such as a very supportive advisor and proximity to family. I can keep doing some of the things that I picked up at the out of state college like fencing and eating healthy, although they will be harder to do at this college.

Well, yesterday was the final decision day. I had been enrolled at both colleges, and had to drop classes and housing at one of them or else I would get very large cancellation fees. I had new student enrollment at the in state college two days prior and I started crying in front of my advisor because of the stress of the decision. I ended up deciding to transfer to the in state college since I was leaning towards that most of the summer and had the gut feeling to not go to the out of state beforehand. I figured that there probably would not be some huge revelation in the next 24 hours that would reverse all the times that I said I was leaning towards transferring, and I dropped the housing at the out of state.

It is the next morning, and I woke up feeling incredibly nervous. I am worried that I made the wrong decision. This is mainly because I was not sure whether my push to transfer was because of genuinely not liking the state and university I was at or because I was feeling homesick. It's not like I felt horrible there all the time, after all. There were long periods of time where I felt happy there. I would say my mood throughout the school year looked similar to a bell curve. I am worried that I left all the good friends I made on the fencing team simply because I was homesick. Would it have been better to try one more semester and see how that turned out? After making the decision, I felt relieved for a bit, but indecision and doubt quickly began to creep in. I am really worried that I chose wrong, and that I will regret this decision later. I just wanted to share how I felt after this long period of indecision, and hope that anyone can offer me some insight.
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Replies to: After 6 months I finally made a decision. The next day, I'm not too sure it was the right one.

  • blossomblossom 10245 replies9 threads Senior Member
    Two pieces of advice for you- Move forwards, not backwards AND Bloom where you are planted.

    I got that advice from someone I admire decades ago and it changed my life.

    You will never know if you made the right decision to transfer, just as you'll never know if it would have turned out fine if you hadn't. So- move forward, and embrace the decision you made. Make a vow with yourself to work hard, make friends, push outside of your comfort zone, do one thing a week that you've never done before (go to a symposium the college is sponsoring on Brexit or Climate Change? Attend a poetry slam or a jazz recital? Go hear two professors debate immigration policy?) Move forward and MAKE the decision to transfer the right decision by blooming where you are planted. Take advantage of every opportunity to learn and grow which comes your way.

    You can do this!!!!
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  • Groundwork2022Groundwork2022 2993 replies72 threads Senior Member
    Blooming where you're planted, by the way, is a choice. You can't rely on a college to make you happy. If you picked your state school for a reason, what are those reasons? If it is to be closer to home and be less homesick, make a point of going home on some weekends to be with your family. If you liked fencing in your old college, join fencing in the new one. If you want plentiful healthy food options, join a cooking club or take a cooking class. Know what is important to you and look for opportunities to put those priorities first in your life and in your schedule.
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  • hopedaisyhopedaisy 108 replies2 threads Junior Member
    Considering you gave the first university a full year I'd say that should bring some confidence to your decision. It is true, some people are better at being decisive than others and having no fear of regret. "Bloom where you are planted" is the best advice here.

    We just dropped our DS19 at college and I gave him this very advice. He is a kid who tends to be more introverted and sometimes doesn't see that happiness partially is a choice. A particular place can be a better fit, but seeking out opportunities is what ensures success.
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  • PublisherPublisher 10449 replies131 threads Senior Member
    You definitely made the right choice since you disliked the desert & since you disliked your major & since you want to be closer to home. 100% the right decision ! It takes courage to transfer.
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  • gardenstategalgardenstategal 6474 replies10 threads Senior Member
    If your new school offers anything specifically for transfers -- a hall in a dorm, a support group, a transfer orientation, a club -- take advantage of that. You'll find a lot of students in the same situation.

    Transferring can be hard. Know that up front, so that you don't second guess your decision. You were unhappy at your prior school and have taken action to address it. Feel empowered for that!

    As others have said, keep your focus on the present and being in it. Don't look back.
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  • logcase18logcase18 58 replies7 threads Junior Member
    Sometimes we try things and they don't go the way we thought. No harm, no foul. Hold your head up high and be confident in your decision and make the best of it. College is hard no matter where you go. I go to an in state college that is still almost 4 hours from home (Texas is a big state). My sister, goes to a college 30 minutes from home, still lives at home and commutes. It's still just as stressful and hard for her. No, she doesn't have the homesickness problem to deal with, but she often spends the entire 30 minute commute crying as she is driving just from the stress of college alone. I do think being close to home is best if you are close to your family. Either way, college is college, and it is hard and stressful. Make the best of it and make the best of your decision.
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