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Transfer Essay: Overcoming a Disability- Need Help Revising

roco0861roco0861 Registered User Posts: 28 New Member
edited September 2011 in College Essays
Hey guys, I am applying as a transfer student to UIUC for the Spring 2012 semester, I have already finished my first main essay (had it revised by two english teachers and an advisor) so I am pretty set with that, but I chose to write an optional essay regarding a learning disability and how I have overcame it. I realize that my main essay is the most important one, but I would still like for this to be strong as well. It still needs work (conclusion, re-editing, etc.) but I feel like it is almost complete; if anyone has suggestions, revisions, suggestions about ANYTHING at all, please feel free to let me know. Any sort of comment will be appreciated and taken into consideration. Thank you so much for your time!

Prompt: Additional Information (optional): If you are unable to meet one or more of the transfer admissions requirements for your program, please explain. Or, is there any additional information you feel we should be aware of while reviewing your application, including extenuating circumstances that affected your academic record?

“The harder you work, the harder it is to surrender,” exclaimed Vince Lombardi, famous NFL coach. The realization of how instrumental hard work and determination are in achieving goals is an unparalleled feat, one that often drives people to better themselves. While these attributes are not easily achievable, a commitment to them will assist anyone in accomplishing their goals. This train of thought is relatively new though, as my high school years were void of any goals, aspirations or marks of hard work. During middle school, keeping with a normal pace of learning became more challenging and soon I was diagnosed with a learning disability. Instead of using this as motivation to focus on my academics, it soon became a crutch used to remain complacent with my educational abilities. By the end of senior year, a stage of maturity took hold that gave me a retrospective view on the past three years. I realized that using my disability as an excuse to finish high school with a sub-par academic record had put my future at stake. A lack of rigorous academic material not only left me with minimal self confidence, but a deprived educational skill set. If my promise of a stellar college record were to be fulfilled, a significant change had to be made, one that would entail nothing less than hard work and determination.
While it was challenging, I soon found my efforts effective- success in school, for the most part, is determined by how hard I work. Math, a subject I struggled with in high school, is a great example of this principle. Though many view taking remedial Math courses as an annoyance, these classes have provided me with an opportunity to build a solid foundation in Mathematics. I relish the fact that my hard work has guided me to succeed in Pre-Calculus this semester, ultimately preparing me for Business Calculus and other analytical courses at the University of Illinois.
Post edited by roco0861 on

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