Welcome to College Confidential!

The leading college-bound community on the web

Sign Up For Free

Join for FREE, and start talking with other members, weighing in on community discussions, and more.

Also, by registering and logging in you'll see fewer ads and pesky welcome messages (like this one!)

As a CC member, you can:

  • Reply to threads, and start your own.
  • Post reviews of your campus visits.
  • Find hundreds of pages of informative articles.
  • Search from over 3 million scholarships.
Introducing a New Expert Content Section: Careers!

Essay for FSU

HopefulAcceptedHopefulAccepted Registered User Posts: 38 Junior Member
edited January 2013 in College Essays
This is my essay for FSU. It was a "write about whatever you want" kind of prompts. Being a politically inclined person (Poli Sci is my intended major along with econ), I wrote a short critique on American expectionalism:


While understanding the vitality of national patriotism and acknowledging it as a pillar of American progress, particularly in its celebration of American ingenuity and as an embracing of the adversities we have overcome as a People, it is imperative to reject the notion that blind nationalism can be successfully used as a tool to propel society to entirely new horizons; rather, it’s important to note that the void and emptiness catalyzed by the blind nationalism is a leading contributor to the radicalism prevalent in American politics today.

When taking a retrospective and analytical look into the reasoning behind the mutiny and hatred geared towards the United States, it is substantially important to analyze the international relations of our adversaries. Because of this notion of American Exceptionalism, we’ve come to believe that the flaming hatred towards our nation is derived from the freedom we’ve preserved as a People; from our coming principles of equality; from their jealously of our wealth and prosperity; from their inability to be like us; from our progressivism. However, that fails to look at the entire situation through a holistic lens; we see it through one that, day by day, is affected by the opacity of our incessant nationalism. I’ve come to believe that that’s the difficult part about finding a solution to the problem - we are perpetually oblivious to the factor that inspires our own hatred.

It is imperative to understand that we are not exceptional as a People because of a paucity of things we’ve done right, but that we are humbled by the innumerable amount of things we’ve done wrong. Our citizenship does not define our character and any attempt to parallel a citizenship to the exceptional worth of an individual should be held to the same judgment as any person that attempts to deem superiority because of a race or because of gender. Throughout World History, entire civilizations have existed for much longer than we have as People; entire civilizations have come to great discoveries and have contributed greatly to the public and globalized discourse of progress; entire civilizations have passed through equivalent adversities has we have, striving to fight for sovereignty, striving for religious freedom, women revolting from oppression to establish a matriarchal society, and a liberal interpretation of homosexuality; nations have abolished slavery well before us, granted the right for women to vote well before us, granted homosexual couples their fundamental rights well before we ever will. While we are a great People, we are in no way exceptional. We must remain cautious in our convictions and the execution of our decisions based on blind nationalism. We are a humbled People.
Post edited by HopefulAccepted on

Replies to: Essay for FSU

  • colkorircolkorir Registered User Posts: 28 New Member
    You should give it a personal touch.sounds too official/like an article.
  • HopefulAcceptedHopefulAccepted Registered User Posts: 38 Junior Member
    Whether you want to believe it or not, I actually speak like this :P
  • colkorircolkorir Registered User Posts: 28 New Member
    i meant u should add more of "I" into it.too much generalisations of "we" and "people" has made it too superficial.
  • HopefulAcceptedHopefulAccepted Registered User Posts: 38 Junior Member
    I see what you're saying. Do you have any suggestions as to where to change it? I feel like the topic just lends itself to talk about all of us collectively.
  • colkorircolkorir Registered User Posts: 28 New Member
    "While understanding the vitality of national patriotism and acknowledging it as a pillar of American progress, particularly in its celebration of American ingenuity and as an embracing of the adversities we have overcome as a People, it is imperative to reject the notion that blind nationalism can be successfully used as a tool to propel society to entirely new horizons; rather, it’s important to note that the void and emptiness catalyzed by the blind nationalism is a leading contributor to the radicalism prevalent in American politics today. " Like this paragraph.turn into your opinion and your notion and why "you" believe it is the way it is.
  • HopefulAcceptedHopefulAccepted Registered User Posts: 38 Junior Member
    But it's stating an opinion: "it is imperative to reject the notion..."

    I'm not trying to discount your advise since I'm taking it seriously. I'm just stumped on what to do with it.
  • colkorircolkorir Registered User Posts: 28 New Member
    "While understanding the vitality of national patriotism and acknowledging it as a pillar of American progress, particularly in its celebration of American ingenuity and as an embracing of the adversities we have overcome as a People, it is imperative to reject the notion that blind nationalism can be successfully used as a tool to propel society to entirely new horizons;......................i contend with the fact that(then continue)." if you make these changes, your essay will be a powerful one.
  • HopefulAcceptedHopefulAccepted Registered User Posts: 38 Junior Member
    Okay, I see what you're saying!
This discussion has been closed.