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Anyone Kind Enough to Look at My Common App Short Answer DUE IN 36 HOURS

Transfer2OI3Transfer2OI3 Registered User Posts: 368 Member
edited February 2013 in College Essays
Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum).

Religion is often a big part of one’s life. I believe faith is what drives me to live the way I do. When I was a troubled teenager, the only thing that turned my life around was God and my church. As time progressed, I started giving back to the community by becoming a Sunday school teacher. Helping children understand the wonders of God’s love, I shared my personal experiences and told them how my faith turned my life around. I began using my talents for the church and to help spread God’s love. I started to play piano for the main worship. Soon after I took classes in my community college, I became the college group’s planner and accountant.
Faith is not what you can see but what you believe. For some, faith is their way of life and for others it is the idea that there is something more to live for in this world. To me, faith is a way to understand why we live in this world. I believe mine is to serve God by being the best I can be and making the world a little better every day.

I was wondering if it was good enough or if i should "Elaborate" more on what I did...

Thanks for your help =D
Post edited by Transfer2OI3 on

Replies to: Anyone Kind Enough to Look at My Common App Short Answer DUE IN 36 HOURS

  • FangirlMaryFangirlMary Registered User Posts: 100 Junior Member
    I like it. You explained not only what you did but why you did it. I think you are good to go!
  • Transfer2OI3Transfer2OI3 Registered User Posts: 368 Member
    haha thanks =]

    im guessing the other 400 views are agreeing ? lol
  • beachbeach Registered User Posts: 69 Junior Member
    I think you need to show rather than tell. Give a story about your experience to illustrate what your Faith means to you.
  • Transfer2OI3Transfer2OI3 Registered User Posts: 368 Member
    What do you mean by give a story ? like tell them how I ended up in church and what not ? It's about elaborating what I did for the activity no ? If I'm correct I don't know how creating a story would benefit the prompt. Not to criticize but I'm just confused on how I would show. So should I rewrite it? Any help would be grateful.
  • Rain202Rain202 Registered User Posts: 889 Member
    More analysis and less summary. Your topic is already pathos - loaded in nature, so you can easily write a more compelling essay.
This discussion has been closed.