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My UC Essay

jiff33jiff33 5 replies3 threads New Member
I spent a decent amount of time writing this UC application essay, and I'm conflicted if it's actually good or not. Some people have told me the essay is great, while others told me that it needs a lot of work. I know it's a lot of work to read this essay, so don't feel obliged to respond. All I need answered is areas of the essay that need improvement, and a general rating of how good the essay is.

3. What would you say is your greatest talent or skill? How have you developed and demonstrated that talent over time?

Standing outside on a hot summer day, I tensed in anticipation, waiting for the race to begin. Many people were surrounding me and my competitors, intensely watching. I knew that if I pushed myself hard enough, I could do it. As I heard the whistle blow, I was off! I quickly looked down and began, interpreting the flashes of colors in my hands as my fingers nimbly turned each side of the Rubik’s cube. As I got closer to finishing, the more algorithms I had to recall from memory, and the harder I had to push myself. As I got to the final move, I threw down my now completed Rubik’s cube and victoriously shouted “Done!” I had won, with a new best time of twenty seconds. << Maybe improve the 2nd half of paragraph

A few months prior to this competition, I was at my friend’s house watching him solve what I now know to be a Rubik’s cube. I was intrigued by the seemingly complex puzzle, and grew curious of how my friend was completing it so quickly. He gave me a basic explanation of how to solve it, but I craved a deeper understanding of the Rubik’s cube’s intricacies.

To do this, I began independently researching online on how to solve Rubik’s cubes. I watched tutorials after tutorials, writing notes on new strategies and perspectives. When I felt I was ready, I gathered all my notes together and began solving my Rubik’s cube. After following all my directions I’d gathered and a day of effort later, I had nearly reached the end. After doing the final step to solve it, I… messed up. I was crushed by this failure, but I persevered. After two more days of multiple failed attempts, I independently solved the Rubik’s cube for the first time ever. It was only a few months later that I got my best time of twenty seconds. << Maybe remove this to get below limit

While solving a Rubik’s cube was not a unique talent that I was born with, it was instead a skill that I worked extremely hard to refine. My interest in Rubik’s cubes have made me stop asking “How does that work?” and instead start to ask “How can I learn how that works?”
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Replies to: My UC Essay

  • ExperimentalJoeExperimentalJoe 4 replies2 threads New Member
    You should not post your college essay online. Colleges may find it and think you plagiarized it from somebody else (or worse, somebody actually plagiarizes it off of you). I would recommend deleting this post immediately.
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  • socaldad2002socaldad2002 1520 replies30 threads Senior Member
    I really liked the first few sentences where it looks like you were going to be competing in a 100 yard dash, cross country meet, track and field etc., but it was a race to complete the Rubiks cube the fastest.

    My question is how will your intellectual curiosity, passion, research, trial and error to solve the Rubriks cube help you in college, career, classes, contribution to the community, etc. I would try to make the transition/leap from mastering your hobby to the broader question of how this makes you a desirable student to the college you are applying to? The last paragraph is a generic attempt to show this and IMO needs to be stronger. Just my 2 cents. Good luck!
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  • LoveTheBardLoveTheBard 2116 replies20 threads Senior Member
    Overall, it's a solid essay -- one which should NOT have been posted on the internet.

    I think you need a better transition between the first and second paragraph -- from winning the competition (I like the way that you set it up) to how you got started. It can be as simple as "It seems like it was just yesterday that I was at my friend's house...."

    And how had you never seen Rubik's cubes before? They're kinda ubiquitous.
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  • jiff33jiff33 5 replies3 threads New Member
    Thanks for the feedback!
    I also feel really stupid for posting this online, especially because I don't think I can delete it now. Would it be stupid to submit this as my application now that it's on this forum?
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  • lkg4answerslkg4answers 1663 replies201 threads Senior Member
    @jiff33 You can click on the "Flag" under your post and see if a moderator will delete it for you.
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  • svlab112svlab112 598 replies7 threads Member
    I think it's Rubik's Cube (capital C).
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