Essay on compassion too cliche?

melon24 · November 30

Hi everyone!
I'd really appreciate if anyone would share their thoughts on my essay topic.

I want to talk about how at this school mixer, my friends and I were dancing and having fun together. This other student who isn't in our "friend group" was hanging out with us, and since he was the outsider in this situation, I tried my best to include him in our group by opening up our dance circle to him and talking to him because I have been in that uncomfortable situation before where I was the outsider.

The next day at school, my friends started talking about how awkward he was and how they were actively trying to exclude him from the group so he would get a hint. I was shocked because I thought we were all on the same page and trying to include him, but it turns out it was just me. I told my friends, "Guys, he probably just wanted some people to hang out with, I don't think his close friends were at the party."

The lesson I learned was that our unique life experiences shape us and make us more empathetic towards certain things. My friends weren't necessarily trying to be mean. They're all just very social/outgoing and may have never been in that outsider position before to empathize with him. So by sharing our experiences with each other, we all grow to be more empathetic to more situations.

Idk does this make sense?? Thank you if you took the time to read this. I am really stuck and would appreciate some advice.

Groundwork2022 · November 30

I like the idea. I loved what you tried to do. However, your pitch leaves me wondering about your choice of friends. If you can make it about you and end the story before "the next day at school" it could work.

svlab112 · November 30

My S used a similar experience as a springboard to show his inclusive leadership style.

He used other examples like being a visiting student shadow and being welcoming to new players on his sports team. He himself joined the team a bit later and was once the. new guy.

melon24 · November 30

@Groundwork2022 @svlab112 Thank you so much for the feedback! I've been chewing on this idea for a while so your responses help a lot. I also see how the "next day" part could be a red flag. I will try and write a draft only including the first part and maybe including some more examples, as svlab112 mentioned.

Lindagaf · December 1

It’s a fine idea. I’m actually intrigued by the “next day at school” because I felt that you could reveal more about yourself as a result of the experience. What happened after that? Did you continue to exclude him? Or did he become a friend? That’s what I’d like to hear about. If the former, probably best to end the story before the next day at school.

Publisher · December 1

It stinks ! Boring & has been done too many times.

Try to think of a topic with a deeper reflection of who you are & how you became that way.

P.S. This topic would be okay if you were applying to a private middle school, but it is too simplistic and non-defining to be included on a college application.

Essay on compassion too cliche?

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