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Can anyone review my UC Davis Waitlist essay?

sjdb16sjdb16 11 replies1 threads New Member
edited April 9 in College Essays
I would really like to go to UC Davis so any help is very much appreciated :)

The number of times I’ve visited the UC Davis website and watched “UC Davis: A Day in My Life” videos are unmeasurable. The more I connected with UC Davis virtually, I realized how I would feel spiritually on campus. I’ll admit, it may not have been my dream university since the age of 8, but I believe it’s how I arrived at this proclamation to be most important. Given the opportunity to attend UC Davis, I would happily enroll because I know the Aggie community is the place where I would flourish.
As an Aztec and Zapotec descendant, being surrounded by nature is essential for an enjoyable day. I envision myself spending many evenings, at Lake Spafford, writing poetry and continuing my business plan for the mobile app I developed, OnTime, with which I won my first pitch competition in November 2019.
I know that college is difficult, but I believe with the spaces for meditation and entertainment, my journey wouldn't be as frightening. With passionate professors, like Bernard Molyneux that creates new educational opportunities for students, rather than being fearful, I’d be inspired. Receiving an education from Professor Molyneux, enrolling in Organizational and Leadership Management and applying to Learning by Leading is the ultimate formula for obtaining skills necessary for my goals to develop enrichment programs for under-resourced communities. I’d like to apply the knowledge I acquired at these programs to my own business and becoming part of the leadership committee for Picnic Day.
edited April 9
2 replies
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Replies to: Can anyone review my UC Davis Waitlist essay?

  • MP4N14MP4N14 1 replies1 threads New Member
    edited April 25
    Not bad. You've done your research on the school. I'd take out the part on Davis not being your childhood dream school, though. Seems unnecessarily negative. Some grammar mistakes here and there. You could use the free Grammarly software paired with Google Docs to let it proofread.
    edited April 25
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  • GumbymomGumbymom Forum Champion UC 30347 replies395 threads Forum Champion
    UC Forum Champion Note:

    It is recommended that you do not post essays on this website. If you want opinions, ask posters to PM you and you can then send the essay.

    Too late but hopefully lesson learned by other CC posters.
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