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Help me improve my UMich Learning Community Essay

stressedsenior2stressedsenior2 14 replies1 threads Junior Member
edited May 2 in College Essays
I'm trying to get into one of the learning communities, and I need your critiques, suggestions, thoughts, and edits on my essay!

prompt: The Michigan Learning Communities are committed to building communities of engaged and enthusiastic students from a variety of backgrounds and perspectives. In what ways would you contribute to your Michigan Learning Community and bring a unique perspective or viewpoint? (suggested word count: 150-350 words)

my essay:

I drum my fingers nervously against my leg as I feel my heart rate quicken. A swarm of butterflies in my stomach adds to my discomfort as I try to take deep breaths to calm myself down. My feeling of dread peaks as the nerve-wracking moment arrives: it’s my turn.
Despite what you may be thinking, it was not my turn to board a giant roller coaster or try my hand at cliff diving. It was simply my turn to introduce myself to my math class on my first day of freshman year. While it may seem absurd to get so worked up over merely introducing yourself to some classmates, that is what it is like to live with social anxiety. Social anxiety can turn even the smallest social interaction into a daunting affair that causes immense stress. As I have lived with social anxiety for most of my life, this is a feeling I know very well.
Recently, I have been fortunate enough to make a lot of progress in coping with and working through my anxiety by being involved with several organizations during high school and taking leadership roles in many of them to build my self-confidence.
Although I am not as affected by the symptoms of my anxiety currently, I still know what it is like to fear even the smallest of social events. This knowledge will help me contribute to making a learning community a safe, welcoming, and understanding environment for other students with social anxiety. I understand the importance of giving people time and space to become comfortable with their surroundings before approaching them. I know how meaningful having a one-on-one conversation with a more reserved person can be, and I know how much a simple compliment can put someone’s self-consciousness at ease.
By being a member of a learning community, I feel I would be able to help others who have social anxiety feel more comfortable, while also helping those who do not become more mindful and understanding of the symptoms of social anxiety. (340 words)

Thanks in advance for your help!
edited May 2
2 replies
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