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Can someone read my essay for Temple University?

striped28striped28 0 replies1 threads New Member
edited September 5 in College Essays
There isn’t really a set prompt, but I wrote this based off of Common Application’s guidelines.

Thank you to whoever reads and replies!

Being a Rainbow in a World of Gray

When I was 2, my parents moved me to a small town in Pennsylvania. A few years later, I would begin with my peers a 13 year period of growth.

Some of the teachers assumed we were all the same. We were fed a ‘one size fits all’ lesson, then off we were to the next one. Slurs and curses were dodgeballs in my grade school’s tournaments. I had to withhold my contrasting thoughts from even my closest friends, as we acted like sheep in a flock.

Then slowly, things changed.

The posts on my first social media account showed those slurs painted over in color. Smiles were everywhere on youth Instagram accounts as they displayed their true selves. The young girl who was slowly becoming myself, regardless of judgmental eyes watching, gave that 8th grade class speech for what she believed in. The role model since childhood, who, despite the possible danger, told the world she believed the same. Now 15, that young girl had tears in her eyes. The teachers at the secondary school had stickers outside their doors, telling us that being ourselves was ok. They accepted each and every troubled student that came inside.

Being a rainbow in a world of gray is hard for an adolescent digital native. The changes I’ve witnessed over the past few years have made me realize, while cliche, the little things count. Watching heroes through my young eyes has given me hope for the future. A future where peace, love, and kindness prevail. For now, I’ll let my hopelessness wash away, as my generation steps in to paint the world more vibrantly.
edited September 5
1 replies
Post edited by skieurope on
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Replies to: Can someone read my essay for Temple University?

  • MYOS1634MYOS1634 43365 replies473 threads Senior Member
    Don't post your essay on this website because 1° it is easy for others to copy 2° if colleges have a system searching for online essays it'd find this and you'd be flagged.

    Edit your post, send your essay through PM only.

    Now, a few basics: don't use the third person to talk about yourself.
    "we were fed a one size fits all".... kinds of what school is. I don't understand how it ties with the preceding and following sentences.

    Which heroes? What have you witnessed? What concretely made you change, changed others, what concretely have you done?

    It's well-written but there's not enough that makes you "real".
    Flesh in details.

    Hoping you get into the Honors College too BTW. Big perk: Honors Housing all 4 years.
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