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"Hey... I live here too...": Being the Awkward Third Wheel in a Triple Dorm

musicallylatinmusicallylatin Registered User Posts: 3,814 Senior Member
edited November 2012 in College Life
I live in a very small triple room in the on campus residence hall.

My roommates are friends. I attempted to be friends with them at the beginning of the semester but it soon became apparent that while we can all live together harmoniously enough, we would never be more than acquaintances. This is no big deal to me. The other two girls hang out together on a regular basis and share their secrets. I really do not care. It was tough at the beginning of the year before I clicked with anyone but I have a solid handful of great friends now.

However, what's starting to happen is they are ignoring me. I'm sure it's unintentional, but I will have my headphones in doing something on my computer and they will consult with each other before turning the the light off to go to bed. Suddenly the light is off and I had no idea it was happening. They ask each other if they want the door open, the window open, the main fan on, etc., and I'm never consulted. When I try to join into conversations often I'm met with blank looks and a continued conversation that doesn't involve me.

I'm not quite sure how to regain my position as one of the roommates.

My RA came up to me the other day and said my roommates want to have an 'intervention". I asked what about, and she responded with, "oh, only little things". So maybe that's what's coming up, because looking at my actions in the room I feel like I'm doing a pretty good job being a decent roommate. I'm clean. My stuff is picked up. I'm the first to bed, but keep the light on for them until they're ready to sleep. I try to be quiet when I come in late or wake up earlier. I listen to movies/music with headphones. I take my calls out of the room. There have been a few isolated incidents like forgetting to take my garbage out before going on a trip and getting ants, but those are rare and on their own.

I'm trying to figure out what I did wrong to inspire an "intervention" and how to get a say in when the lights go off if I'm still actually working, or get a say in stuff like the window, etc.

Any thoughts?
Post edited by musicallylatin on

Replies to: "Hey... I live here too...": Being the Awkward Third Wheel in a Triple Dorm

  • Dann36Dann36 Registered User Posts: 18 New Member
    They're so considerate that they set this intervention up for you to voice your concerns ;).

    Of course you're not perfect, so accept blame. However, don't miss the opportunity to point out that they're not perfect either.
  • Murphy600Murphy600 Registered User Posts: 473 Member
    Did it turn out your roommate is pregnant? It sounds like you have had a tough time with hem. Why not ask for a single? Your peace of mind is worth it!
  • Murphy600Murphy600 Registered User Posts: 473 Member
    Try yoga or something for relaxation.
  • musicallylatinmusicallylatin Registered User Posts: 3,814 Senior Member
    No she's not. I was freaking out. And it was ridiculously stupid of me there. I can't believe I was being such an arrogant ass about the situation. I guess I was just worried she was so inconsiderate to begin with that mix in pregnancy hormones and morning sickness that it would become hell.

    Although, because of other circumstances I did request a move. They are going to give it to me from the looks of it. The college is 100% out of singles, so it looks like another triple is about to happen, but in one of the biggest triples on campus (oddly enough it's down the hall). We are in the smallest triple on campus. It's a double forced into a triple. The space in front of my bed is the walk way to another bed. Literally, I have no floor space in this room. The one who annoys me most's bed is maybe three feet max from mine, and that's being incredibly generous.

    Talked to my RA... She said my roommates came to her together to request this intervention, and it's seriously about the smallest little crap imaginable. One night I was up late typing (something my roommates do on a regular basis) so they are complaining about that. The garbage being forgotten to take out. (Although I find that one more reasonable, it's an isolated incident.) I came in late a couple times from debate tournaments, and they are always in bed later than I am.

    The RA is still having us have the intervention regardless of me moving. Not sure why, since I am moving out this weekend, and we're having this meeting on Thursday, but whatever. I already know the people I'm moving in with and we are all on almost identical schedules with the same expectations of each other. (It's been discussed before I even move in). My roommates don't know I'm moving yet, but it'll come on Thursday I suppose.

    I also realized the girl who annoys me most triggers PTSD like flashbacks to some horrific memories I have. While I do find her actions justifiably annoying, I feel like remedying it would work best if I moved, since they are not things I can expect her to change.

    So... ya... there we go I suppose.

    I guess feel I'm irritated they ganged up to complain about a few very simple things that are isolated events, and they hardly brought them up with me. The typing while the roommate was trying to sleep... I finished my sentence and watched a show. The garbage we got cleaned. I haven't had a chance to need to take it out again. There was some personal space issues with my niece crawling under a roommate's bed, so I'll give her that, whatever. Still feel like if she had a problem it should have been brought up early, but I obviously didn't communicate my problems, so I suppose this is how they think it's best that they communicate theirs. And I get to move out regardless...

    I just feel like it was low and a bit immature to not address it and bring in an RA to solve their problem. I didn't address my annoyances with them because I figured they had a right to space too, and I know I probably did irritating things. I suppose I need to get over it though. Moving out. Lessons learned. Know what not to repeat.
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