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Joining a Fraternity as a Homosexual Man

BurberryLoverBurberryLover 1 replies1 threads New Member
edited February 2013 in College Life
Right now, I am currently attending a community college and I have always thought about joining the Greek life when I transfer to a 4-year university. The problem is, as indicated on the title of this thread, I am not particularly...fond of women in a way that heterosexuals are. The question of whether I would even be accepted into a fraternity if I am gay has always been on my mind for a while with nobody to answer it for me, considering that anybody I talk to on a regular basis doesn't seem all that interested in joining a fraternity/sorority. So, just to give more information as to what I should do, I will tell you a little bit about myself and the reasons of why I want to join. Whoever can help me, I would be so grateful if you would respond to my post, especially if you are already in a fraternity/sorority or if you're the head of a certain charter.

So, about me, I don't want to sound like that I am stereotyping myself or anything, but I do have a lot of qualities and traits that what society would expect from a gay guy. For instance, I absolutely adore shopping and I love going to the salon. I always take care of my appearance such as making sure my hair is perfect all the time and I do put on moisturizer as well as concealer and maybe some bronzer and powder as well just to create flawless skin (which is important for even straight guys to do). I love the fashion industry and I enjoy shopping at designer boutiques like Louis Vuitton, Salvatore Ferragamo, and Burberry. I even have a subscription to Vogue. In fact, I want to point out that even the straightest and most masculine of fraternity members do have a slightest bit of a fashionable trait inside them since they sometimes wear Ralph Lauren polo shirts, am I right? ;) Anyways, continuing, I do have a very noticeable lisp and I do have a very slim build with no athleticism at all. I have no interest in sports whatsoever and I don't go to the gym to "get swoll" because I don't think big muscles really fit my persona at all. The only exercise I would be interested in is either pilates or yoga, and maybe running/jogging if I can keep it up. I don't talk like a "bro." As funny as those guys can be sometimes, I can't really provide that sense of humor to anybody since that is sooo not me at all. Trust me, it sounds like I should join a sorority instead. Too bad I'm a guy. I do want to mention that I absolutely do not cross-dress, I have never cross-dressed before, nor would I ever do such a thing. I don't have any problem with cross-dressing, since it is part of the LGBT community. It's just not something I like doing. I believe that I should also mention that I have never really partied before in high school, and I know that partying is a main event for many social fraternities. I am willing to give it a try and the whole partying scene does sound quite enticing to me, though, I will always keep myself in check when it comes to alcohol.

So, yes, as you can see, a lot of fraternity boys are the polar opposite of what I have just described myself. Now, if you're wondering why I would join a fraternity in the first place if it seems as if I will be surrounding myself with people that I probably would not have anything in common with, well, I do have my reasons. I heard that going Greek is something that is incredibly fun, enjoyable, and worthwhile. Based on what I found while researching, I will benefit so much from the Greek life and the positive things from my college years will continue after undergraduates, such as having connections for the rest of your life, which is a very good thing. Also, the bonds that I would create with my fellow charter members would be quite special since we do consider each other brothers. This is why I am hoping that I have at least a tiny chance of having something in common with fraternity members so I can experience this sort of friendship with them. I am not wanting to join because I think there would be a lot of attractive guys, mind you, so please don't get any wrong ideas. I really do want to be part of the Greek system and have a good time during my college years as well as being part of a brotherhood that I know will last forever and ever. Not only that, if I manage to get a bid, I would want to be a role model and let other gay men and women know that, yes, you can join fraternities/sororities, regardless of your sexuality. I do not know if there are any Greek members that are also LGBT, and I feel that there is close to null. So, if there is anybody out there who is already a Greek member, has been a Greek member, or knows the ins and outs about the Greek system, please help me out.
edited February 2013
16 replies
Post edited by BurberryLover on
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Replies to: Joining a Fraternity as a Homosexual Man

  • i_wanna_be_Browni_wanna_be_Brown 8241 replies73 threadsForum Champion Brown Forum Champion
    Your post is really long so my apologies for not reading all of it but I doubt anything you said would change my answer. There is nothing about greek life that prohibits homosexuals from joining so whether or not you are welcome is going to depend entirely on the chapter itself. At Brown there was a co-Ed group that specifically attracted LGBT people but the sororities and some of the fraternities had several gay members (ours was about 10% and routinely served on the executive board and we have had openly gay chapter presidents too). One of our brothers even went to a conference called "Out and Greek" and presented what he learned there.

    My guess is the more gay friendly the school the more gay friendly the frats
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  • AxelrodAxelrod 660 replies3 threads Member
    I didn't read much beyond the first few lines of your post due to its length. Many universities have gay fraternities (Emory, for example) & many colleges & universities are very gay friendly (Wesleyan, Swarthmore, Oberlin, Vassar, Grinnell, Skidmore, NYU, Brown, and many others.
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  • steellord321steellord321 349 replies0 threads Member
    You're not alone in your skepticism. Someone i know wanted to join a frat, spent time with them, but decided not to rush, just assuming that it would be too awkward bringing a guy over or whatever. He was asked why not, he told them, and they insisted it's not a problem. He's planning to join at the next opportunity. I think when you get to campus, if you really want to join a frat then just ask up front if it'll be an issue, don't assume. Or like someone said, there's even gay frats these days.
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  • Big10ChampBig10Champ 147 replies1 threads Junior Member
    Traditional all-male fraternities are very much hetero-normative spaces, so while there may not be something written formally excluding persons who identify otherwise sexually, I cannot say that your experience will be the same as if you did identify as heterosexual. I will say, as someone who attends a school with a large Greek presence who is therefore pretty familiar with the Greek culture, that my instincts are not good on this one. But, a lot of this depends on what your school is like. Large B1G and SEC schools have a much different Greek atmosphere than small LACs or small private institutions.

    You may also want to look into non-traditional fraternities such as co-ed fraternities, honors fraternities, and pre-professional fraternities. These types of groups often include many the same bonuses of Greek life (close friendships/connections, socials, philanthropy) and are less expensive.
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  • uclaceeuclacee 401 replies20 threads Member
    I'm just curious... what is it exactly about frat life that you find appealing? Your post didn't really give any indication that you would like frat life.
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  • Big10ChampBig10Champ 147 replies1 threads Junior Member
    ^The OP answers that question in the 3rd question.
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  • AdamLaLaAdamLaLa 298 replies43 threads Junior Member
    I'm gay and I'm in a social fraternity. Maybe I can help.

    Going into the process you'll need to make sure you know which ones you're targeting. For me, having high grades was important. Also, I definitely judged them on how they dressed. I felt like I would click more with the guys I dressed like... and I was definitely right. I wouldn't have anything in common with the frats that walk around in camo/sweatpants/baggy clothing. Luckily, at my school, the fraternity I'm in is not only number one on campus but it is also the best dressed and has the highest GPA. On top of that, I had a friend that was friends with one of them that came out last year. The fraternity was completely accepting of it. I clicked with these people. There are a few gay guys in my fraternity... I just ran the math and around 4% of our frat is gay. There should, hopefully, be a frat on campus for you too!

    That all being said, you and I kinda differ. I enjoy doing a lot of the frat things and nobody can usually tell I'm gay. I don't wear makeup and I like exercising. I know a (gay) friend of mine, that was kind of like you, rushed the same fraternity but did not get a bid. I can tell you that 80% of convo in frats is about girls, partying, and about getting swoll... even in the one I'm in.

    It all comes down to if you guys click. If you want to be friends with them and hang out with them all the time and can actually participate in their conversation, go for it! At the same time, you can get a fraternity feeling in a lot of activities on campus. An actual fraternity is just one of the many options.
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  • AeroMikeAeroMike 270 replies11 threads Junior Member
    I read your post (can't stand the people who don't take 2-3 mins to read a few paragraphs, it's not hard or time consuming)

    Anyways, you should be able to find a fraternity that accepts you, so long as you don't go to A&M or some other very conservative school. Work a bit on your lisp if you can though, just to make a good impression when you try to get into a frat.

    On a side note, a lot of people in our society can't accept homosexuals for some reason or another. I think it betrays huge insecurities that they're not able to treat them as a normal person. Even worse are the guys who act deliberately guy-like so that they're not somehow mistaken for being gay.

    I'm straight, but if I met a nice gay guy, he'd be my friend in an instant. In general, they have excellent fashion taste and are much more empathetic when you need some support compared to a bunch of straight guys who have been conditioned to not express emotion and act tough/distant their whole lives.
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  • intparentintparent 36291 replies644 threads Senior Member
    D2 attended Dickinson, and had a male friend who came out as gay freshman year. He rushed a frat that same year, and was an active member for the remainder of his years there until graduating recently. I asked D about it, and she said she thought it was a "non-issue". However, frats at Dickinson are mostly social & community service organizations, without many housing options.

    In general, I think it would not really be an issue at a smallish, liberal leaning college (like the LACs mentioned on this list). Wouldn't be as sure at some larger schools, though, especially in more conservative areas of the country.
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  • ladeeda6ladeeda6 494 replies14 threads Member
    I didn't read the entire post (because it is pretty long), but when I went to my first 4-year school, they had a plethora of fraternities with men (straight, gay, I don't know) that waxed, spray tanned, plucked, tweezed, payed a good deal of attention to hair care and fashion, etc. The stereotypical line for gay and straight was totally blurred. I don't think I've seen so many guys so concerned about the status of their fingernails and their clothes before or after then.
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  • BurberryLoverBurberryLover 1 replies1 threads New Member
    Thank you all for taking the time to read my entire post, even if some you did not feel like you can read the whole thing. I know that it is very long, lol, but I thought I should put in as much as details as possible because I don't want it to be too vague.

    For the lisp part, AeroMike, I don't really act like a full-blown queen, but I do come off as a bit feminine in my speech. And like I said, I do have some qualities that So from a scale from 1-10, I would say that it would be around a...ohhh, let's sayyy...a 6 or a 7?

    Ladeeda6, what school did you go to?

    AdamLaLa, can you tell me more about the fraternity that you joined? I am mostly looking for top-tier fraternities. And on a side note, in case you think so, I don't wear full-blown makeup like lipstick or blush. I do, however, put on some concealer or powder just to erase some blemishes, but still keep a natural look. Like I said, I am not interested in doing drag at all, loll.

    uclacee, I find the idea of living with a bunch of roommates in a single Greek house because it is an opportunity to make a bunch of friends and make closer connections with them that can last even once you graduate and move on with life. I also heard that it may help you later in life since it makes you well-connected. There are other reasons, but this is mostly why.

    Big10Champ, thank you for your advice. However, I am mostly interested in social fraternities. I am not an expert on frat life, but it is still something that intrigues me.

    I plan to go to a UC (either UCI, UCLA, or UCSD) or an Ivy League school (U of Penn or Cornell) since they have excellent medical programs. I know that L.A. and New York City are very gay-friendly, though Orange County, which is where I live now, is quite conservative. I can tell because whenever I am with another man in public, we get plenty of stares and head turns in Orange County while nobody in L.A. even bats an eye. I have no idea how accepting San Diego is of the gay lifestyle. The problem is, I don't know if any of those schools are known for their social fraternities as much as campuses like SDSU or UCSB since schools like UCI and UCLA are more well-known for academics rather than partying. The only fraternities that I pops in my head are Sigma Nu and Pi Kappa Phi (yes, because of Jimmy Tatro) and I heard that each chapter of different campuses can differ despite having the same titles.

    Honestly, I just want to be able to be part of a group that can give me so many benefits without my fellow members feeling uncomfortable around me due to the fact that I have an attraction to boys and I am living in a house with so many, well, let's face it, most fraternities and sororities are known for usually having attractive men and women, which can make things even more awkward to them.
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  • Praying4LuckPraying4Luck 455 replies57 threads Member
    Certainly depends on the school. Not sure if you went to South Carolina that most fraternities would be big on homosexuality, but maybe the further liberal the school the more friendly they would be. I know some homosexual frat bros at my school (UMD). They are in a "low tier" fraternity though. This is just my observance
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  • AUGirlAUGirl 2791 replies99 threads Senior Member
    Two words: Dawson's Creek.

    But really. Just go through the rush process and see what happens.

    For what it's worth, there are co-ed fraternities and sororities out there. They aren't the typical greek life, but they tend to focus on other things like academics, service, areas of study, etc. You might want to check those out.

    My friend (who is a girl) LOVES her honors fraternity.
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  • sosomenzasosomenza 2091 replies31 threads- Senior Member
    The Greeks wrote the book about men bonding with men. Sounds okay to me.
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  • AeroMikeAeroMike 270 replies11 threads Junior Member
    Some of the Greeks also used the thighs of young boys to get their kicks. Moral of the story: the fact that something is Greek doesn't make it good.
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  • lalala89lalala89 1 replies1 threads New Member
    u should just join a sorority
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