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Going off to college without any dating experience-is that bad?

yearbookstalkeryearbookstalker Registered User Posts: 102 Junior Member
edited February 2013 in College Life
I'm a senior in HS right now and I'm kinda worried about going off to college without ever having a boyfriend, or a date, or a kiss. I have lots of friends and almost all of them have had been in some type of relationship (if they wanted one/showed interest in someone) except me. I know I'm not a model by any means, but I'm not ugly. I think I'm witty, smart, kind, and a lot less awkward than my friends (my group is composed of nerds, LGBTQ, Asians, or a combination of any of those categories.) That said, that's probably a factor of why I'm inexperienced, in addition to me being busy with school and all my ECs.

I'm worried that I'll go off to college without having down anything and it'll leave me vulnerable at parties or make me a target to older guys, or I'll hold off on boys in general because I want to find the right guy to have my first kiss/relationship/whatever, which will inevitably lead me nowhere.

And yes, I know there are people who don't have their first kiss or boyfriend until much later in life...but to be honest, those people are just weird.

Help?
Post edited by yearbookstalker on
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Replies to: Going off to college without any dating experience-is that bad?

  • bungalowdwellerbungalowdweller Registered User Posts: 158 Junior Member
    You'll be surprised to find that there are many kids like you. Don't worry about it. Why don't you take some time and read a good book or two about college life that can give you more confidence? A good one is The Naked Room-mate : And 107 other issues you might run into in college by Harlan Cohen. Good luck!
  • SPELondonbrondonSPELondonbrondon Registered User Posts: 130 Junior Member
    Get a slump buster.
  • asianamericansonasianamericanson Registered User Posts: 188 Junior Member
    lol, hanging out with Asians might be the reasons why you haven't dated. The average age that a woman gets married in South Korea is 29 years old, so I say you're doing just fine.
  • ThisMortalSoilThisMortalSoil Registered User Posts: 928 Member
    Your only issue will be being able to weed out the good guys from the snakes. That just comes with experience though, so every lady goes through that.

    Given that you're a woman though, dating will be 100x easier for you. If you're even somewhat cute and interesting, most guys will talk to you, especially if you start the conversation. This is one part of society where women hold all the cards.
  • Lily2015Lily2015 Registered User Posts: 255 Junior Member
    Honestly, this is the perfect opportunity. When I came in freshman year I was in a similar situation and I was worried I wouldn't get anywhere in the area of guys... but the opposite happened. You can't set out to find a boyfriend - at least not right away. Believe it or not it's actually really fun kissing and hooking up with whoever you want. Not being a slut and sleeping with every guy you meet, but being at a party and being able to dance with a guy you've seen maybe a few times in class and then end the night with a kiss or two, no strings attached. You will get all the experience you could ever want with almost no worry because there's no commitment.
  • beachlover15beachlover15 Registered User Posts: 511 Member
    Sleeping with every guy you meet doesn't make you a slut.
  • asianamericansonasianamericanson Registered User Posts: 188 Junior Member
    Well then what does?
  • beachlover15beachlover15 Registered User Posts: 511 Member
    Sleeping with someone you KNOW is in a relationship does. I'm so sick of people "slut-shaming" women for the exact same behaviors we praise men for. Either both sexes can be considered "sluts" or neither sex is.
  • asianamericansonasianamericanson Registered User Posts: 188 Junior Member
    Well, sleeping with every person you meet is probably somewhat over the top......as for your complaint against a "double-standard", well, it is there and it's unfair but I suppose that's just the way it is for now.
  • ThisMortalSoilThisMortalSoil Registered User Posts: 928 Member
    "Either both sexes can be considered "sluts" or neither sex is."

    I don't look too highly on anybody that sleeps with anything that moves, man or woman.
  • romanigypsyeyesromanigypsyeyes Registered User Posts: 33,576 Senior Member
    I don't think most people do, TMS. The idea that a stud, male slut, is desirable is really limited to very specific social circles. By and large, most people don't approve despite what we see in pop culture.

    Sorry for going OT.
  • CatriaCatria Registered User Posts: 11,349 Senior Member
    I have a similar problem going into graduate school... when that happens to a prospective graduate student, I think that is worse than to experience it going off to college.
  • Emaheevul07Emaheevul07 Registered User Posts: 5,966 Senior Member
    You're going to be fine. I'd had my first kiss by the time I started college, but that was all. And in hindsight, I don't feel like the dating experience I could have had in high school would have been all that enlightening for future male encounters... it's a different experience, dating as an adolescent and dating as an adult, imo. I understand your concerns about being naive.. I certainly was, but at least for me there was always a nagging little voice in the back of my head telling me the right thing to do, and I ignored it because I let my lack of experience diminish my self-esteem. You don't have to make that choice for yourself. And, once you get started, you learn quick. :P


    Listen to this:
    Your only issue will be being able to weed out the good guys from the snakes. That just comes with experience though, so every lady goes through that.

    But not this...
    Given that you're a woman though, dating will be 100x easier for you. If you're even somewhat cute and interesting, most guys will talk to you, especially if you start the conversation. This is one part of society where women hold all the cards.

    This is something I have found not to be true, at all. Confident, experienced women who understand men may hold a lot of cards. The nervous freshman woman with no experience does not, and I don't want anybody to think "what's wrong with me?" if they don't find men eating out of the palms of their hands right off the bat-- that is what leads you into making naive mistakes. For most women, even the cute funny ones, this is simply not the experience they have. Dating is never really easy, unless you are very lucky or are not looking for much.
  • yearbookstalkeryearbookstalker Registered User Posts: 102 Junior Member
    thanks everyone, this is making me feel a lot better.

    But I'm pretty sure sleeping around is not the way to go about in college for either men or women. It makes me think "WHAT COULD THEY POSSIBLY BE CARRYING??????"
  • DizzyingDizzying Registered User Posts: 168 Junior Member
    But I'm pretty sure sleeping around is not the way to go about in college for either men or women. It makes me think "WHAT COULD THEY POSSIBLY BE CARRYING??????"

    that's what condoms are for. there's nothing wrong with enjoying casual sex - there's no right "way to go about in college."
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