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Am I going to regret going to the same college as my boyfriend?

sunsetoligestsunsetoligest Registered User Posts: 2 New Member
Hi,

I am new on this site but here goes. I am not happy at my current school because it is too small and does not offer all that I want to do. I honestly went to this school because my parents wanted me too and now am going to transfer during the spring (they are supportive of me transferring and all). I am currently a freshman and am out-of-state so I miss my home and all. There are two schools that I am looking at, let's call them college A and college B. Both of these schools have what I want such as a marching band, great biology program, Japanese, etc. College A is the college I am leaning too because of having what I want and being a nicer campus/nice community area, but the catch is that my boyfriend currently goes there (college A). I admit, having my boyfriend go to the same college would be nice but I am worried that things will change greatly between us when I go to the school. It kind of sucks because I like the school a lot that I wish my boyfriend didn't go to the school so that I didn't have to worry about people saying that I went to the school because of him (which is not entirely true). It is one of those schools that if we broke up before I transferred, I would still go to the school regardless of my "ex" being there. I am just worried that I say this stuff and am influenced the thought of being with my boyfriend and will secretly regret it once I get there. I am really trying to avoid the whole "don't let a boy influence your life" So I just want to know if I should still go to college A and deal with what would come with it such as possible break up and all or if I should go to college B to avoid all of those possibilities but not go to my first college choice (because it sounds like a perfect school for me).

Replies to: Am I going to regret going to the same college as my boyfriend?

  • OnMyWay2013OnMyWay2013 Registered User Posts: 1,338 Senior Member
    Is your concern that being too close to him all the time will get on both your nerves? Or that you'll feel pressured to spend all of your time with him? Or that if you break up, it will be awkward? Other people's opinions of your decision are irrelevant, so don't worry if they think you're going to that school just because of him. What is that even supposed to say about your character?

    I think that if College A is big enough and you / your boyfriend are busy with your own friend groups and schedules, it will be easier to have boundaries so that you aren't distracted from your education. Your boyfriend already has his own schedule and friend group. It's also probably a good idea to figure out who you could talk to, whether it's a friend or the school counselling center, if relationship problems come up that you don't feel like you can cope with. I know a couple of people (not just in college) whose drama made it difficult to focus on schoolwork.

    But other than that, if you want to go to the school regardless of whether or not he's there, I don't know if this would be all that different from meeting and dating someone in college.
  • SouthernHopeSouthernHope Registered User Posts: 2,085 Senior Member
    This is a toughie. On the one hand, it seems unfair that you're having to exclude a college because your boyfriend will be there. But on the other hand -- and I"m basing this on scores of letters that I've seen here at CC -- this doesn't work out very often. Sometimes the couple breaks up and one of them is miserable. Sometimes they stay together but they regret later that having a boy/girl friend stopped them from the true experience of college and new experiences. One question: Does your boyfriend have qualms about you transferring to his college?
  • movemetoomovemetoo Registered User Posts: 735 Member
    If College A is the right college for you, you should go there. It's not like he owns it. Plan to be in a different dorm, don't stalk his schedule and work your classes around it, join your owns groups. And then things will naturally fall into place if they are supposed to. But if you are honest with yourself that may the ONLY reason you want to go to College A is BECAUSE of him, then maybe you should give more consideration to college B.
  • intparentintparent Registered User Posts: 36,033 Senior Member
    How big is college A?
  • PengsPhilsPengsPhils Forum Champion Northeastern, Forum Champion Math/Computer Science Posts: 3,809 Forum Champion
    Yeah, the size of College A is important here: if you could break up and your life at College A wouldn't be affected, I would choose A easily: the fact you are carefully considering this shows that you aren't blindly following a significant other, and you are considering that possible bias.
  • bopperbopper Forum Champion CWRU Posts: 12,468 Forum Champion
    Talk to your parents about this too
  • SouthFloridaMom9SouthFloridaMom9 Registered User Posts: 3,446 Senior Member
    I wouldn't go there because of him, or *not* go there because of him (if the university is big enough).
  • sunsetoligestsunsetoligest Registered User Posts: 2 New Member
    College A is around 10,000 students. Also I am a biology major and he is a music major so a lot of the time our schedules probably won't match up. But I do want to keep playing music so I plan to join that band and so will see him mostly there. I am just worried that when I get to the school, he and I would break up, and then I would feel like I liked this school because of him going there. On the other hand, I feel completely opposite of that and truly believe that this school will be a great school for me, regardless of my boyfriend going there, because it has everything that I want in a college. I know this may sound childish and naive, but even if my boyfriend and I broke up during college, we would still be friends/be nice to each other when we saw each other in band or something like that. So I don't know what is the right decision to make.
  • PengsPhilsPengsPhils Forum Champion Northeastern, Forum Champion Math/Computer Science Posts: 3,809 Forum Champion
    It seems like College A is the right choice. Go for it!
  • aunt beaaunt bea Registered User Posts: 9,573 Senior Member
    Yes, but you won't really know until you go.
  • NorthernMom61NorthernMom61 Registered User Posts: 3,958 Senior Member
    It doesn't sound like you are choosing College A because your boyfriend is there, though if you are still together once you start I suspect it will be more convenient and less of a strain on your developing relationship. If College A is truly the best choice for you based on YOUR goals and your parents agree, then go for it. What others think should have no bearing on your decision, besides, if your relationship does work out long term, then who is to say that it isn't the best decision because it helps you to have a balanced life.
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