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How do I politely ask my roommate to get rid of her cats?

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Replies to: How do I politely ask my roommate to get rid of her cats?

  • noname87noname87 1206 replies21 threads Senior Member
    Yes you can get evicted. If you have a good landlord, he will give you a few days to correct the problem but may start the eviction process immediately just in case you don't. Since you have a health issue (fleas), I would guess that he will hire someone immediately to take care of the fleas and send you the bill. Yes the landlord will come after you and anybody who guarantees the lease for damage including possibly lost rent while repairs are being made. If the cat has been marking its territory this could mean new carpet and subflooring. Pets that are not properly watched and care for can cause a lot of damage. There is a reason why most landlords do nor allow pets.
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  • sseamomsseamom 4880 replies25 threads Senior Member
    You're already at risk of being fined for knowing about the pets and not reporting them. Since the cats have been there for so long without you saying anything, who knows-they might just go straight to "second offense". You keep saying this girl is your friend-you need to rethink that because she is NOT acting like a friend and has put both of you at risk of losing your apartment and essentially taken over your living space. You're being "nice" to save a friendship that doesn't exist. She hangs around you because she can walk all over you and knows you won't do anything about it. Think about this-she's taken over part of YOUR ROOM!

    MAYBE, just maybe, your landlord will take pity on you when you tell them your roommate brought the cats in when you were out of town and refuses to get ride of them despite your pleas. But my D has had issues with her apartment in the past and the LL really doesn't care-they know there are dozens more young people willing to take their place.

    Good luck-I'll echo the others that your dad is right-listen to him if not to us!
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  • redpoodlesredpoodles 2078 replies32 threads Senior Member
    edited January 2016
    I think you're right you have to sit her down and tell her exactly how you feel. They are her cats and all of the problems with them are her responsibility. You need to tell her that not only is she an inconsiderate roommate, but she is a bad pet owner, imprisoning them in a small bathroom or bedroom for all that time and letting the flea problem and worms get out of hand. That is not a good home for a cat. Giving until Feb. is too long. Give her a few days to get all her stuff out of your room. A week at most to deal with the cat problem. If she's leaving for extended periods of time like to her boyfriends, then she should take the cats with her.I do not think you need to "turn her in" or give her an ultimatum. You need to tell her how you feel and stand up for yourself. If she can't clean the place up (being a "hoarder" is no excuse) you should move. Because of the horrible conditions she has caused, her finding another roommate is not your problem--your problem is finding yourself another place to live. This girl sounds too powerful for everybody's good. I guarantee you aren't the only one afraid to stand up to her. Tell her that you love her and you want to keep your friendship, but this cat business is making you resent her. Tell her how important she is to you. But you also have to tell her the cat situation she has caused is unbearable and you won't live like that.
    edited January 2016
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  • CheddarcheeseMNCheddarcheeseMN 3642 replies13 threads Senior Member
    She needs to get rid of the cats. You can offer to help. The nature of this friendship is going to become clear by the end of the lease when you are stuck with a bill for flea or cat-related issues and your friend doesn't have the money.
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  • redpoodlesredpoodles 2078 replies32 threads Senior Member
    edited January 2016
    Actually, can you live with the cats--healthy cats, that is? If so, then here's another plan. Sit her down and tell her how you feel. Tell her the cats and cleaning up the place has to be a priority. You can't live like this and are starting to feel like you should move out because it's unbearable. Offer to help, but she has to get her stuff out of the room, take the cats to the vet right away, and get them healed. The apartment has to be fumigated or whatever and both of you are going over to stay with her boyfriend or sorority sisters. If she can't pay for it, she needs to get a fundraiser going. The cats have to get healthy, and she has to take them when you move on to the next stage of your life. It has to happen now. It's not too much to ask. There is no need to report anything behind her back--how would she ever trust you again? She wouldn't and the friendship is then already ruined. She should step up. If not, you know what kind of friend she is and you should walk away. She won't be alone. She'll have her cats and her fleas.
    edited January 2016
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  • emm628emm628 12 replies6 threads New Member
    edited January 2016
    I would try to take care of it without using a "middleman", and do it as soon as you can. Given the fact that there's a flea infestation and the apartment sounds like a mess (the landlord might take that as an indication that you and your roommate aren't even responsible enough to keep the place picked up), the landlord might fine you $100 and evict you too, maybe on the grounds of health/safety or property damage reasons. You have to tell your roommate that her cats are still her pets, and they require a lot of time, money, and attention, and she can't keep absolving herself of all responsibility by pinning it on you, when she isn't willing to dedicate herself to their care. Not to mention, I'm not sure how she expects someone with chronic fatigue to take care of two extremely sick cats and a flea-infested apartment when she can't even do it herself.

    I'm sure she's really busy, and really stressed, and I'm sure you care about her a lot. But she went and got these cats herself, against your wishes, and it's incredibly unreasonable of her to expect you to deal with the fallout of her own bad decision.
    edited January 2016
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  • Sue22Sue22 6926 replies121 threads Super Moderator
    Not only could you get evicted, but you could be sued for a whole lot of other people's costs should the flea infestation spread to other apartments.
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  • intparentintparent 36291 replies644 threads Senior Member
    Given the no pets clause, I don't think you should include keeping the cats and her in the same discussion.
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  • MommaJMommaJ 5580 replies189 threads Senior Member
    edited January 2016
    Oh good grief. These animals are being abused and you're enabling the abuse. The way you want to tiptoe around the situation, worrying about what words to use and what others will think, is just cowardly and cruel. Call the appropriate government agency first thing in the morning to report the situation so they can take the cats and care for them properly. And pick better friends in the future. This one is an idiot who doesn't know the first thing about caring for animals. A candle in a dish? These kitties are suffering and need professional care!
    edited January 2016
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  • shawnspencershawnspencer 3121 replies12 threads Senior Member
    Another option may be to ask her to move the cats to her boyfriend's house since she spends so much time there anyway. Then she may be able to spend more time taking care of them without it affecting your relationship
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  • aunt beaaunt bea 10271 replies70 threads Senior Member
    edited January 2016
    My BIL owns a carpet cleaning company. His sons work as exterminators. At times their companies work together.

    My BIL says that getting pet urine out of carpets is almost impossible because it goes through the pad and sets in, then goes to the floor and sets in if the flooring is wood or any other material. The carpets can be cleaned, but the urine (and smell) resurfaces through the pad and spreads to a wider area of the carpet and pad. Most of the time, people have to buy new carpet. $$$$$

    My nephews have to "bomb" several times in order to get the fleas who have embedded themselves in drapes, cabinets, carpets, bedding, pillows, mattresses, etc. $$$$$$ Usually they charge one fee, but come out as often as needed.

    Your apartment management may come after you for YEARS because they risk losing future renters. Do you want to get your parents into lawsuits? $$$$ Think about it. No one wants to move into an apartment with fleas.

    You need to get a spine. You bought into her guilt trip and that's why you are keeping your mouth shut!!
    You are covering up for her ineptitude, immaturity, and carelessness. I had a college roommate for UG and Grad school; we are still really good friends because we never took advantage of each other. That's what your "friend" is doing to you.

    Hiding her slovenly and unhealthy lifestyle from her parents shows you didn't care about your needs or the needs of those poor animals. You are condoning all of her behaviors. If I were your mother, I would call management, and her parents immediately, and move you out of that flea-infested apartment and stick her with the bill; she created the situation, she needs to pay. You are not going to keep this friendship, and, wanting to stay friends is not going to happen because she will try to guilt trip you into something else. You didn't cause the fleas! She brought the cats. How did you generate fleas?

    I agree with @MommaJ, you cannot repair this relationship. In a semester, you will both be out of school. You have to listen to Daddy and consult an attorney.
    edited January 2016
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  • CheddarcheeseMNCheddarcheeseMN 3642 replies13 threads Senior Member
    I want to agree with the above poster about the possible high financial penalties that might be involved here. My friend has two tiny dogs whose pee soaked through a rug into the hard wood floors below and her landlord took her to court to pay for the damage. The judge cut the landlord's $$ request in half, but it was still for much more than the security deposit.
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  • mamaedefamiliamamaedefamilia 3689 replies24 threads Senior Member
    Show her the terms of the lease and explain to her that there is potential financial liability (as well as possible eviction) for both of you, unless the cats go. That level of risk is unacceptable to you. I agree that the boyfriend's apartment might be a good solution. If she won't budge, you should find another place to live in order to protect yourself and your sanity, assuming that you can get out of the lease.
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  • gouf78gouf78 7812 replies23 threads Senior Member
    edited January 2016
    Three things:
    1) The cats need another place to live. Your "no pet apartment" is not the spot for them.Just a no-go.
    Cats are great but not in your particular situation. Point out that your roommate is tearing apart larger relationships in favor of cats. (like between the two of you) in defense of them. And the possibility of getting evicted destroys a stable relationship which I hope is more important than the cats.
    The cats need to be rid of fleas and re-located for their sake. De-flea them, treat them and re-locate immediately to boyfriend or shelter. .If taken to shelter forget the de-flea cost--it'll happen automatically. And somebody else will fall in love with them.

    2) De-flea your apartment. Takes work but not that hard after the cats are gone. But it is labor. Remove cats. Work on apartment. Team effort as of now. And the roomie needs to take a major responsibility for it. You deserve the respect of even sticking around if that's your decision. You seem to have taken a parental role in this relationship--stick with it and give the marching orders. But fleas can be dead...like really dead. Vaccuum the suckers up (and throw out the bag. Not happening until the live animals are around however.

    3) Your roommate and friend is needy in many ways and way too dependent on you. She's using you whether you think so or not. I truly do get it. She needs help and you don't mind giving it. You are friends.
    But you are NOT her mother. I'm sure you have your own set of problems to deal with.
    Hopefully she provides some emotional support to you so this is not a totally one-sided relationship.
    But DO realize that she is holding you back in some way. Don't let her hold you hostage to her needs and wants.
    You have needs and wants too--she should be willing to compromise for you--if not then she is either just a user or a friend with needs too great for you to deal with presently.
    edited January 2016
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  • noname87noname87 1206 replies21 threads Senior Member
    edited January 2016
    I understand you don't want to be the bad guy here and would prefer some else to force the issue. However getting the apartment manger involved will likely backfire. I can almost guarantee that your deposit will be gone (as it probably should be). You will also face eviction and could have a problem finding another apartment. A good landlord will check references. You have to understand that the landlord is running a business and you could end up costing him a lot of money that will come out of his pocket and could involve suing you for damages. This does not make him a bad guy. This is his livelihood that you are messing with.

    The post from aunt bea is not a one time story. I have also talked with landlords that had to replace carpets AND subfloors due to pet urine. This is why apartments also always have no pet clauses. The potential costs are just too high and the hassle of collecting/suing for damages is just not worth allowing pets.

    The point is that you are an adult and need to take care of this. You and your roommate need to get rid of the cat and clean up the mess. If you cannot get of the fleas, you need to call professionals or contact the landlord and face the music. However, get rid of the cat first. It will greatly improve the odds that the landlord will call an pro and just hand you the bill without an eviction notice attached.

    FYI, the landlord is not going to care who the guilty party is. In his mind, the guilty part is whoever sign and/or guarantee the lease. That who is going to pay. If he has to sue, he will sue everybody but will focus on the deepest pockets (in other words, he will go after the parents if they co-sign the lease).

    The bottom line, if you resolve this and are able to get rid of the fleas you will be fine. It is just that the longer you drag this out, the bigger the problem becomes.

    As for her stuff in your room. I would ask her to remove it within a day. If she doesn't, I would move it back to her room. Just smile and say " I know you are busy and thought I be nice and do it for you". Also have her sleep in her own room. Letting her share your bed just allows her to avoid the issue.

    After rereading your first post, you need to research on how to get rid of fleas.
    edited January 2016
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  • Sue22Sue22 6926 replies121 threads Super Moderator
    Every time you hesitate to be "mean" to your roommate imagine the looks on your parents' faces after they realize they took more than your extra clothes home with them after your graduation.
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  • aunt beaaunt bea 10271 replies70 threads Senior Member
    So, OP, what's the latest?
    Did you talk to your father?
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