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To those who feel lonely/homesick/friendless/think they chose the wrong school, etc...

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Replies to: To those who feel lonely/homesick/friendless/think they chose the wrong school, etc...

  • CALSmomCALSmom Registered User Posts: 748 Member
    Awww! How sweet! ^^
  • MassmommMassmomm Registered User Posts: 3,854 Senior Member
    @collegedadguy92 , that film was adorable! Wish I could have shown it to my son 2 years ago when he was still pretty homesick!
  • VaNcBorderVaNcBorder Registered User Posts: 211 Junior Member
    Thank you @Lindagaf for the update. I am so glad your daughter found her people, even if it took a little longer than she (and you) had hoped! That is as much my fear as it is my S18's, so I am glad to read your encouraging words.
  • privatebankerprivatebanker Registered User Posts: 4,571 Senior Member
    Good thread
  • LegitimatelyrichLegitimatelyrich Registered User Posts: 9 New Member
    Good content :)
  • LindagafLindagaf Registered User Posts: 9,080 Senior Member
    Thought I would share what I posted on another thread, because it might help others who are still struggling but are no longer freshmen:

    "My kid, a rising junior at a small LAC, had a very hard time initially settling into college as a freshman, but finally started meeting people when she stopped caring quite so much. She did have a bad initial experience with one group of girls in the beginning that set her confidence back. There were a couple of girls she really didn't like in that group, one of whom I'll call Anna. Anna and another girl seemed to make this group worse for my D, and D drifted away from that group and finally found good friends.

    During sophomore year, D saw Anna regularly because of mutual friends. Fast forward to yesterday, when D spent the day in another state visiting Anna and a couple of other college friends, because actually Anna is "pretty cool" and D now realizes that so much of her initial bad experieince was due to her own preconceived notions of college being "the best four years of her life", and seeing that all of her high school friends were (allegedly) having a great time, according to Snapchat and Instagram."

    Be open to everything, because it's possible that your initial impressions of someone are not entirely justified. That person who you aren't wild about now might introduce you to others who could end up being your friends. And remember that there are other ways of meeting people than just by going to class and joining clubs. Volunteer, or get involved with the campus ministry, or get a job on campus. Those are all great ways to meet people.
  • CupCakeMuffinsCupCakeMuffins Registered User Posts: 868 Member
    edited July 2018
    What are the biggest contributors of home sickness?

    Is their any co-relation between harsh winter and home sickness or its all the same as sunny areas? Same way, is it any better at cities with lots to do vs sleepy suburbs or rural college towns? Does student feel less lonely at smaller colleges or is it better at mega universities? Is it less if home is two hours drive/$30 feul or as bad as it is at a campus 8 flying hours/$400 ticket away. Is it easier if you have 15 classmates going there or if you don't know a single soul? Is it any better if school is affordable and leaving money for return tickets vs if you are barely meeting cost of attendence and have no leftovers for eating out or train ticket to home. Is home sickness lower if you are academically among top 20% or higher if you are at bottom 20%.

    If a student is not settling in after using all methods and resources available, when is a good time to tell this is probably not the right place for him to prosper? What are the main reasons students transfer?
  • LindagafLindagaf Registered User Posts: 9,080 Senior Member
    Dont asdume there will be a problem. There isn't just one answer to all your questions @CupCakeMuffins . Take away all of the question marks, and most of your questions become answers. Maybe for one kid, being 8 hours away from home is just too much. Maybe for another kid, lack of spending money is an issue. For another kid, a big city is hard to get used to, for another, a rural school seems too small. There can literally be dozens of reasons why any one student feels lonely or upset.

    That isn't the point of this post though. The point is that in about a month, we will see many posts which will all have something in common: the student is having a tough time, but it's normal, and they mostly all get through it.

    As for your last question, when to call it quits, I guess you'll know when you know.
  • CupCakeMuffinsCupCakeMuffins Registered User Posts: 868 Member
    edited July 2018
    I'll remain hopeful that most kids will find their way and if not, they can always transfer. Nothing is more important than their well being.
  • wisteria100wisteria100 Registered User Posts: 4,158 Senior Member
    @CupCakeMuffins I think you pose some interesting questions, but as @Lindagaf says, something that makes one unhappy may make another happy. Still, I think it would make for an interesting and informative research project for some industrious psych major!
  • CupCakeMuffinsCupCakeMuffins Registered User Posts: 868 Member
    edited July 2018
    I get it that what makes one happy, may not work for next person or vice versa. However, which factors puts some campuses on happy list while others on list for highest number of mental health issues or suicide rate? What are common external factors among unhappy students?
  • LindagafLindagaf Registered User Posts: 9,080 Senior Member
    Good question, but again, who knows? External factors could range from anything to financial concerns to family issues. I suggest you post a separate thread, @CupCakeMuffins . This thread is all about understanding that you are not alone. Your questions, while worth considering elsewhere, are derailing this thread.
  • CupCakeMuffinsCupCakeMuffins Registered User Posts: 868 Member
    edited July 2018
    No problem. Thank you for the reply. I can see your point. Its a very useful and comforting thread.
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