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College sophomore still has no friends!!

potantapotanta Registered User Posts: 3 New Member
edited September 13 in College Life
I am a 19 year old guy, commuter, sophomore in a technology university as an IT major. Let me explain: In high school, I was not shy and I was not too quiet (though I am an introvert) and I did have a few friends in high school but only very very few of them were real. My hometown is full of snobs and I just had trouble cliquing and getting along with anyone in my hometown. The friends I had in high school were flaky and they never hung out with me outside of school except for grabbing pizza and then they would leave. I hated high school so much, but now I feel like I forgot about high school.

I only have one friend and he is my high school friend that I've met since I was a high school freshman. I like him as a true friend and he is really sincere, the thing that's embarrassing is that he has Asperger and I feel embarrassed that my only friend is an aspergers guy. But, he is a really sincere and you would never notice he has it. Since he is my only friend, I am glad is goes to a college in the same state as me. He is a junior now. He dorms, but his campus is not far, so last year, I drove to see him on weekends, since I never made any real friends in college freshman year. I do not have aspergers myself, yet he has had more success in making friends in college.

When I was a freshman in college last year, I really enjoyed freshman seminar class. It was my opportunity to interact with students in the class, which I did and everyone liked me in the class, because of my weird sense of humor and that makes people laugh. I am blessed that I am born with a sense of humor that truly draws attention from people to me. I felt I did not know the people long enough to form a friendship. I also met one guy at freshman orientation and we clicked instantly and I had him in a class, but I felt I did not know him well and long enough to exchange numbers, mainly because he skipped class a lot. Last year, I befriended this junior 25 year old guy in my science lab class. We only befriended each other for advice and we never see each other outside of school, because he is in the military, working full time outside of school, blah blah blah.

I've join clubs last year such as Computing club, Robotics, Student Activities Council. I had a chance of talking to this guy from robotics club and becoming friends with him, because it was too late at the end of the year for the club to order the robotic parts to make our robot.

This year, I've joined the band alongside with continuing my other clubs, because I play an instrument. People there seem very nice and I feel that will be my best chance to interact with people.

I find it hard to make friends with people in my classes, unless I am doing group work (my school lacks that, and group work teaches students communication skills). My classes are lecture heavy and lacks the teaching of communication skills (group work). My friend said he made friends through his classes. He is in a frat (which I would never want to pay for), but he doesn't have any friends from his frat. It seems like an academic setting is the best for him.

Every time the weather gets nice on my campus, I feel sad, because I see people happy by hanging out with their friends and I wish I were there enjoying the weather. Last year, I've gotten some weekends where I had no flock of homework. I am tired of spending my Friday nights or weekends sitting on my computer doing research on my life and its problem about not having friends.

It's really embarrassing that all summer before and after freshman year, I would sit home a lot unless my brother invited me out with his friends. I am embarrassed and worried about what my parents think of me.

Replies to: College sophomore still has no friends!!

  • gearmomgearmom Registered User Posts: 2,332 Senior Member
    Try a more social club. Do you have a Quidditch Club? Ballroom dancing? There is usually a need for more guys in ballroom dancing. Something team oriented or outside of STEM.
  • BuckeyeMWDSGBuckeyeMWDSG Registered User Posts: 449 Member
    Co-ed sports teams, too especially those with down time like bowling and softball. Adult sport leagues are also run by city recreation departments so this is a great way to meet people even after you've left college or if you move to a new city. It also sounds a bit like you connect better with slightly older adults so maybe looking outside the college scene to expand your network will help. There are also maker, hacker type events that you may enjoy meeting and networking with people. Sometimes these events will randomly group individuals so you don't have to worry about showing up with a team. If you see an event that looks like teams are pre-grouped contact an organizer and let them know you'd be available to join any team looking for an extra or would be willing to volunteer to help organize the event.
  • pickledgingerpickledginger Registered User Posts: 120 Junior Member
    @potanta - you sound like someone who values authentic connections and is uncomfortable with surface-level interactions, perhaps feeling that those types of interactions are fake or meaningless. I think thoughtful, sincere people like you make the world a better place.

    A promising thing (from the perspective of your goal of making more friends) is that you sound like you are actively acknowledging this issue and are willing to take steps to change it.

    I think @BuvkeyeMWDSG's ideas are excellent and worth reading more than once. Your new club - band - sounds promising, too.

    One other thing to keep in mind is that, although it seems clear that you are truly struggling, other people who are in groups and seem happy may or may not truly feel comfortable or be happy. I think you are on the right track in working on how to get your social life more in line with your true values, but are in danger of getting sucked toward the wrong track of comparing and feeling "less than" when you assume others are happy, when in fact they may be faking it. Many people do this.

    The last thing I would suggest is to possibly consider looking into cognitive behavioral therapy, either through self-help books/online or with a professional. Something is impeding your ability to move toward a goal that's very important to you - having more connections with people you consider true friends. You mention a few possible potential friend candidates in the past, but it seems like something has stopped you (I'm guessing fear of embarrassment) from getting their number or making outside plans. Having a concrete plan and some tips in mind about how to handle these situations might increase your chances when you are next thinking of taking a risk and reaching out. Reframing in advance can help a lot, so your self talk doesn't paralyze you in the moment. Good luck!!

  • potantapotanta Registered User Posts: 3 New Member
    edited September 15
    @BuckeyeMWDSG
    I was planning on joining a bowling league last year, but they expect scores of 200s in bowling and they're competitions are too far from me. I am not into other sports really, but music is more of a passion for me, so I feel that joining band will help me. But you're right, I actually do connect better with older young adults who finished college.
  • potantapotanta Registered User Posts: 3 New Member
    @pickledginger Yes, I don't value acquaintances if that's what you mean by "surface interactions" meaning waving hi and just leaving. I am really desperate for real friends. Yes, I will continue to remember the friend candidates I have in mind.
  • RedThunderRedThunder Registered User Posts: 111 Junior Member
    Don't worry. I'm almost a senior with no friends and I lived on campus the whole time.
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