So I've been at least somewhat depressed for a while I'd say 4-5 years. I'm currently a freshman in college and have no friends. My whole life I never really have any friend like I have some people I talk to but no close friends. College makes it worst it's so hard to make friends. So a bit of my background my mom left me when I was little. My dad then remarried and I lived with my dad and stepmom. I'd say our relationship really went downhill in the last few years. It made worst when my dad had to go oversea for work. Our relationship was never that great and made worst since high school. We would get into these unnecessary arguments. The thing is when it's over she pretended like nothing happened and just go on without life. Next time it would happen again and because we didn't talked about it, the same thing would happened. During my senior year I called the suicide hotline because I felt really depressed because she would blow up on unreasonably. I talked to someone for counseling and my mom saw me talking on the phone. After I got off she ask me if I got the job since I applied for one around that time. I told her no I called the hotline. She was all like why did you call them and I told her it's because of how she treated me. She then told me she couldn't love me as much because I'm not her biological child but to talk to her next time if there's an issue and not to call the hotline.That's bs because she would get mad everytime there's an issue especially if it's with her and she won't admit it's her fault. As far as her comment on me not being her biological child, she also said she never really want kids in the first place because of the maintenance they require. I really want to flip the argument and ask her if child was a problem why did you get into this marriage? She had the benefit of the doubt. I'm pretty sure she got married even with child as an issue is because she got too emotional and the thought of marriage was too exciting. Of course she didn't thought about potential issues. I don't mean to keep picking on her, but what she wants is me to just suck up to her which I don't want to. Since then I have learn to not get emotional with things and think more open-minded like weigh the good and bad of something before making a decision. I'm also thinking about not marrying due to bad experience with my stepmom, I think of having kids as owning a German cars (expensive maintenance, require constant care, problematic). The worst part is my dad and brother is aware of the issue and instead of trying to work it out as a family, they like to suck up to her and just say it's wrong but let her be. Same with my grandparents. We don't sit down and talk about problems as a family we each just go our own way. More recently, me and my stepmom have gotten into heated argument about me driving. This was senior year and I wanted to learn to drive. My dad wasn't here so I couldn't ask him. I asked her like once or twice during the year and she said no which I was really disappointed. I know I could go to driving school but it's expensive and I'm a really cheap person and I believe there's A week before I graduated high school I decided to ask her nicely and hope she would do it because I'm about to graduate and we're in a good mood. Well big mistake.... I asked her nicely and she blew up on me saying I asked her too many times and she can't do it. I've only ask her like twice before. Since then I'm disappointed and I still think about it today. It makes me mad when I do because I asked her nicely and she had to be rude. Was it hard to say no and explain herself in a normal voice? So now I'm in college without a car and friends. I think about this when I see other college students driving I get depressed. Even my dad knows but he defends her saying she can't. I'm just so depressed and it's been a while. Now I'm in college and nobody loves me. I need some advice. Sorry it's a long one but I just had a lot of depressed feeling.