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I can't drive have no friends and depressed in college?

Mark217Mark217 Registered User Posts: 25 New Member
So I've been at least somewhat depressed for a while I'd say 4-5 years. I'm currently a freshman in college and have no friends. My whole life I never really have any friend like I have some people I talk to but no close friends. College makes it worst it's so hard to make friends. So a bit of my background my mom left me when I was little. My dad then remarried and I lived with my dad and stepmom. I'd say our relationship really went downhill in the last few years. It made worst when my dad had to go oversea for work. Our relationship was never that great and made worst since high school. We would get into these unnecessary arguments. The thing is when it's over she pretended like nothing happened and just go on without life. Next time it would happen again and because we didn't talked about it, the same thing would happened. During my senior year I called the suicide hotline because I felt really depressed because she would blow up on unreasonably. I talked to someone for counseling and my mom saw me talking on the phone. After I got off she ask me if I got the job since I applied for one around that time. I told her no I called the hotline. She was all like why did you call them and I told her it's because of how she treated me. She then told me she couldn't love me as much because I'm not her biological child but to talk to her next time if there's an issue and not to call the hotline.That's bs because she would get mad everytime there's an issue especially if it's with her and she won't admit it's her fault. As far as her comment on me not being her biological child, she also said she never really want kids in the first place because of the maintenance they require. I really want to flip the argument and ask her if child was a problem why did you get into this marriage? She had the benefit of the doubt. I'm pretty sure she got married even with child as an issue is because she got too emotional and the thought of marriage was too exciting. Of course she didn't thought about potential issues. I don't mean to keep picking on her, but what she wants is me to just suck up to her which I don't want to. Since then I have learn to not get emotional with things and think more open-minded like weigh the good and bad of something before making a decision. I'm also thinking about not marrying due to bad experience with my stepmom, I think of having kids as owning a German cars (expensive maintenance, require constant care, problematic). The worst part is my dad and brother is aware of the issue and instead of trying to work it out as a family, they like to suck up to her and just say it's wrong but let her be. Same with my grandparents. We don't sit down and talk about problems as a family we each just go our own way. More recently, me and my stepmom have gotten into heated argument about me driving. This was senior year and I wanted to learn to drive. My dad wasn't here so I couldn't ask him. I asked her like once or twice during the year and she said no which I was really disappointed. I know I could go to driving school but it's expensive and I'm a really cheap person and I believe there's A week before I graduated high school I decided to ask her nicely and hope she would do it because I'm about to graduate and we're in a good mood. Well big mistake.... I asked her nicely and she blew up on me saying I asked her too many times and she can't do it. I've only ask her like twice before. Since then I'm disappointed and I still think about it today. It makes me mad when I do because I asked her nicely and she had to be rude. Was it hard to say no and explain herself in a normal voice? So now I'm in college without a car and friends. I think about this when I see other college students driving I get depressed. Even my dad knows but he defends her saying she can't. I'm just so depressed and it's been a while. Now I'm in college and nobody loves me. I need some advice. Sorry it's a long one but I just had a lot of depressed feeling.
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Replies to: I can't drive have no friends and depressed in college?

  • gearmomgearmom Registered User Posts: 2,322 Senior Member
    @Mark217 There is a lot going on here. First you need to address your depression. Can you go to counseling at school for that? You're an adult now. You need to form healthy relationships with other people. That is something you should also be addressing in counseling. It doesn't seem like your relationship with your step mom is going to get any better. Let that go. Focus on learning to have positive relationships with other people starting with becoming friends with other students.
  • intparentintparent Registered User Posts: 29,501 Senior Member
    Try your college counseling center. And don't focus on the car issue -- both my kids went to college without a car for 4 years, and did fine.By senior year they were occasional renting zip cars as needed, but mostly did stuff around campus anyway.
  • techmom99techmom99 Registered User Posts: 1,809 Senior Member
    I also think you should seek out the counseling center. Three of my kids went away to college without a car, one of them is currently at a school where freshmen are allowed to have cars on campus and he doesn't have one. There's more going on here and please deal with it.
  • gearmomgearmom Registered User Posts: 2,322 Senior Member
    The driving thing is no big deal. You're an adult. Take a class, maybe even at college. You'll have an adult learners permit. See if your brother will teach you to drive OR by the time you have finished written lessons for a permit, you might have a friend who can teach you. You won't be able to afford a car or insurance for a while anyway. You need to focus on your mental health and YOUR future which means your schooling. Just work on yourself and forget the distractions.
  • Mark217Mark217 Registered User Posts: 25 New Member
    Thanks for the replies. I will go to counseling for help. About the car situation, the area I live in requires a car or bus to get anywhere. I can take the bus so I guess the car is not really a need but it's prefered. But I do want to get my license asap at the very least. Not having a car alone didn't cause my depression, but it adds on to it.
  • Mark217Mark217 Registered User Posts: 25 New Member
    I already have a permit but don't have anyone that will let me borrow their car. I do have enough money to get a car and I'm thinking about getting one to practice. Obviously I'll have someone with me when I practice and use that car to take my driving test when I'm ready. What your opinion on this?
  • gearmomgearmom Registered User Posts: 2,322 Senior Member
    @Mark217 Most Freshmen probably don't have cars. Some schools don't even allow it. Pay yourself for class. It shouldn't cost much. Under $100. Are your parents paying for school?
  • Mark217Mark217 Registered User Posts: 25 New Member
    No I get financial aid that covers tuition. I pay for most of my stuff though and I live off campus, so the car would not really be an issue. My school doesn't have any rule regarding freshman cannot have car.
  • gearmomgearmom Registered User Posts: 2,322 Senior Member
    Do you know how to drive? Is it an adult permit?
  • Mark217Mark217 Registered User Posts: 25 New Member
    I've driven before yes but not ready for the driving test. I need to practice more just don't have a car to do it with. Yes I'm over 18 and I think so. There's only one kind of driving permit in California and it's call learner's permit.
  • Sportsman88Sportsman88 Registered User Posts: 1,572 Senior Member
    Make sure you get insurance rates. A new, young driver isn't cheap.

    But, counseling should be your top priority.
  • gearmomgearmom Registered User Posts: 2,322 Senior Member
    @Mark17 Do they require someone with a license to be in the car with you? If you get a car, you could offer to drive someone/roommate? to practice. I don't know your insurance laws though. Check those out.
  • Mark217Mark217 Registered User Posts: 25 New Member
    Yes the permit allow you to drive with someone that has a license. The insurance is the part I'm not sure on how to go about it.
  • gearmomgearmom Registered User Posts: 2,322 Senior Member
    edited November 4
    Remembering that this is not your top priority, @Mark17, you would call different insurance companies for quotes. AAA, GEICO. It isn't cheap. Cars are expensive to have and maintain. Not a hassle you need Freshmen year. Are your classes going O'k.

    Sorry about your step mom BTW. In life you will come to realize that some relationships are toxic and not worth your energy.

    Also are you male?
  • Mark217Mark217 Registered User Posts: 25 New Member
    My classes are Ok. Not my favorite but I could get by. Yes I'm a male. I'm kind of all alone as far as my stepmom since everyone else in my family either don't know what's going on or they suck up to her.
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