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Terrible Roommate

Ker1010Ker1010 3 replies1 threads New Member
I was paired with a random roommate my first semester transferring from a community college. I feel like I tried my hardest to get along with her, but we just don't get along. She does nothing but sleep (I've seriously never seen anyone sleep this much, and it's seriously frustrating when your trying to do things like microwave or watch tv) doesn't clean out the sink, take out the trash, put her clothes away, or clean the toilet. I could deal with all of that but when she said my boyfriend couldn't visit that was it. I felt like she had no right to tell me I couldn't have visitors and I told her he was coming anyways. Since he spent the weekend we haven't talked in a week. How can I survive the rest of the semester without going crazy?
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Replies to: Terrible Roommate

  • LindagafLindagaf 10173 replies565 threads Senior Member
    Your roommate is totally within her rights to not want a man in the room. She pays for the room too, and is completely allowed to veto a male visitor. You did yourself no favors by bringing your boyfriend to your room against her wishes. There are hotels for that.

    Having said that, it sounds like she is a bit of a slob. Endure the slobbiness and move to a new room at the end of the semester.

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  • labegglabegg 2525 replies48 threads Senior Member
    Would she also be within her right to not want females in the room too?
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  • bodanglesbodangles 8628 replies557 threads Senior Member
    There might be an additional layer to not wanting male visitors, but female visitors can be an imposition too, if you value your alone time / privacy or don't trust the people not to steal your stuff.
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  • labegglabegg 2525 replies48 threads Senior Member
    So why would the roommate's right to restrict guests supersede the other roommate's right to have guests, when they are both paying an equal share of the room?
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  • gearmomgearmom 3960 replies6 threads Senior Member
    @labegg There are no rights to have guests.
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  • suzy100suzy100 5695 replies58 threads Senior Member
    @labegg, I don't think there is a "right" to have guests in a dorm room. If one of the roommates is not comfortable with the other having a guest, then it's unfortunate but I think that it's that person's right to say no. I think this is why roommate agreements are so important. Is it kind of crappy to say no, your friend from home can't stay overnight in our room? Yes. Is it "normal" to do that? Probably not. But I think they probably have the right to say no.
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  • MaineLonghornMaineLonghorn 40409 replies2208 threads Super Moderator
    ^I agree. And I think they can even say, "Girls are OK but boys aren't - I'm just not comfortable with it."
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  • scubadivescubadive 1091 replies3 threads Senior Member
    Roommate who sleeps all the time and will not clean is being unfair in my opinion limiting the roomates ability to do normal things. So while the boyfriend may have been an imposition not cleaning and permanently in bed is one as well and a daily one.
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  • scubadivescubadive 1091 replies3 threads Senior Member
    I have never heard of a roommate being able to veto visition from friends except in the middle of the night in certain dorms.
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  • bodanglesbodangles 8628 replies557 threads Senior Member
    Some schools have the explicit rule that roommates have veto powers at all times. Including mine, as it turns out: https://studentaffairs.psu.edu/reslife/cs_studentfaq.shtml#guests
    Your roommate is not allowed to have guests in the room unless you give permission to do so.
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  • labegglabegg 2525 replies48 threads Senior Member
    Actually, some universities state in their Housing Policy that students have a right to host guests (example - Auburn). although an overnight guest is based on approval of all roommates. So which right supercedes? The right to host guests or the right to veto?

    IMO, the exclusion of a guest based solely on gender is sexist. (Although, I whole heartedly believe there is an an implicit expectation to not having to tolerate your roommate's ...for lack of a better term..."romantic interludes".)

    If you value your privacy/alone time or distrust people to the extent that you feel it necessary to restrict a roommates occasional guests, then perhaps dorm living or at least room sharing, is not something that you should be considering. I don't think it is at all unreasonable to have an overnight guest, 1-3 times in a semester, even a boyfriend/girlfriend. Absolutely, should an "occasional" guest become a "third roommate", we are talking about an entirely different matter

    Of course a roommate agreement is a necessity and if an acceptable contract to both parties cannot be reached a new living arrangement is the only solution. It's too bad that these two roommates seem to be playing a passive/aggressive game to resolve their issues, but not unexpected at the age...although I am not sure who committed the more egregious violation in this case, the roommate who refuses to clean up after themselves (a cleanly room also a "right" at some sc or the roommate who hosted a guest.
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  • gearmomgearmom 3960 replies6 threads Senior Member
    @labegg Although an overnight guest is based on the approval of all roommates. Obviously, any roommate can object and therefore no overnight guests.
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  • a20171a20171 1101 replies76 threads Senior Member
    Did she actually complain about the microwave and TV? When my roommates napping and I wanna do routine things I go ahead and do them and she never said anything. Same when I'm napping. Also I don't think her clothes should bother you that much. As for the chores do you guys have a schedule? Does she know that you expect her to do these things. It is her right to say no to the boyfriend and theres a chance even the most considerate roommate would, but I get why you're angry. Doing more work makes you feel like you have more of a right to the room. Talk to her about splitting chores and when she's sleeping go about your normal routine whether that includes cleaning watching TV or microwaving-- just don't be obnoxious about. If she says something explain that you have things you need/like to do during the day and you'll try to keep it quiet but you have to live there too.
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  • Ker1010Ker1010 3 replies1 threads New Member
    We did sign a roommate agreement, and I put on it that I would be allowed visitors (including my boyfriend) when prior notice was given. She signed it. I've gone home every weekend because I feel unwelcome in my own room and people can't visit me... when my boyfriend did visit, we were completely respectful and we're barely in the room and did nothing sexual around her
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  • Ker1010Ker1010 3 replies1 threads New Member
    We signed the agreement at the beginning of the semester, by the way
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  • happy1happy1 23574 replies2338 threads Senior Member
    I'd recommend that you talk to your RA to attempt to make the rest of the semester more tolerable (certainly at least in terms of cleanliness at a minimum) and then go to ResLife and see if you can make arrangements to switch rooms next semester.
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