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Family keeps inviting themselves to my graduation....


Replies to: Family keeps inviting themselves to my graduation....

  • UndercrackersUndercrackers Registered User Posts: 784 Member
    I guess I don't get why anyone wouldn't want to go to their own college graduation. Yes, they can be a hassle: too many people, too long/boring, too hot/cold/insert unfavorable weather here. I was a first-generation graduate, and it took me 6 years and a lot of hard work (both school and paying jobs) to get that degree. Did my mom/stepdad pay for all of my schooling? No, I paid for books/transportation/etc. and had a student loan afterwards to pay off. Did my dad pay for any of my schooling? Not a dime. Did I care? No, because these people were there to celebrate with me, and because I literally would not have been there except for them. It was one of the happiest and proudest days of my life, and I wanted to share it with people who cared enough to have the expectation that I would go to college and actually finish.

    OP, if you are only interested in rewarding people who had a material hand in your college success, let the "limited" tickets thing be your excuse to keep the number of attendees down. If they really insist on being part of the celebration, have a family party afterwards. You can get someone at the ceremony to video it and show it at the party.

    Guess what? Graduations aren't the only family event where it isn't necessarily all about you - weddings and funerals are about other people, too. If you aren't on board with accommodating this phenomenon when you are the star of the life event, at least acknowledge it. FWIW, if I'm paying full boat for my kid to get a college degree, you better believe that I expect to be there to watch him/her walk.
  • bjkmombjkmom Registered User Posts: 7,600 Senior Member
    It doesn't sound to me as though this was about finances. The tone I got from the OP seems to indicate that he's not at all close to the family members.. he mentions that he hasn't spoken to them in 2 years.
  • tucsonmomtucsonmom Registered User Posts: 452 Member
    Re: your self-absorbed, narcissistic relatives...

    Start how you mean to continue forward. If your relatives....
    - didn't financially contribute to your college education
    - haven't spoken to you for the last 2 years
    - never called you or checked in on you while you were in college
    - never offered you morale support on any of this
    - and they basically just crawled out of the hole they've been hiding in so they can claim some of the glory

    Then no...you should not go to the graduation ceremony just for them. Tell them in a very kind & non-sarcastic tone of voice that their idea is a great suggestion and that they are welcome to attend, but you will not be attending.

    If they insist that you have some sort of big family celebration for your college graduation, you can decline that as well. ESPECIALLY if they want you to pay for it.
  • juilletjuillet Super Moderator Posts: 12,678 Super Moderator
    I can understand why someone wouldn't want to go to their own graduation. They are intensely boring, and some of them are outside where it's cold. When I received my PhD I attended some of the exercises but skipped several.

    There are lots of other ways to celebrate graduations besides going to the actual ceremony. You are no less graduated just because you didn't walk across the stage and then listen to someone drone for 2 hours.

    If you don't want to go - don't. Tell your family they are welcome to do whatever they wish but that you won't be there.
  • twoinanddonetwoinanddone Registered User Posts: 20,594 Senior Member
    FWIW, if I'm paying full boat for my kid to get a college degree, you better believe that I expect to be there to watch him/her walk

    Well I didn't pay the full boat, but I've paid some and helped my kids figure out how to qualify for FA and how to manage school. Still, I think it is my daughter's choice. I told my daughter I'd be there if she wanted to do the ceremony, but she's been saying for two years she didn't want to do it. I'm going to visit for spring break and i think it will be the other parents who will talk her into it - her teammates/roommates who she's been with for the full 4 years. Her boyfriend is getting a grad degree and he could walk too, but doesn't want to. She said if he did, she would but he doesn't care about it.

    I don't think I'd get a lot of pleasure out of forcing her to participate.
  • aunt beaaunt bea Registered User Posts: 9,612 Senior Member
    Most graduation events are televised at local community stations. They can watch via the tube.
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