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Parents Moving To College With Me. Help!


Replies to: Parents Moving To College With Me. Help!

  • KnowsstuffKnowsstuff Registered User Posts: 2,199 Senior Member
    Congrats. College is your experience not theirs. If they need to be there in an emergency I am sure there are planes they can fly to get there quickly. They can visit on parents weekend. Once you know your schedule I am sure "you" will invite them up for a "special" weekend with you. Let them know there are things like FaceTime, Google hangouts so you can talk with them. My cousin used to use this just to say goodnight to her parents. They were very close and it was like being there per se. You can still text them good night also.
  • powercropperpowercropper Registered User Posts: 1,613 Senior Member
    These are tough conversations for a 15 year old to have with his parents. I strongly suggest counseling. I would start with asking for counseling for yourself. If your parents are not receptive to making an appointment for you, please speak up at your next medical checkup. Tell a doctor you are struggling and need a mental health referral.

    You need strong support over time to adjust to the level of boundaries you will need to enforce with your parents during college. A good counselor can help you work towards independence, and maybe you can identify some baby steps to take over the next two years while you still live at home.

    Yes, it would be best if parents could participate in family counseling, but solo counseling is a great start.
  • RandyErikaRandyErika Registered User Posts: 334 Member
    What part of this thread suggests that OP needs any individual counseling?
  • readthetealeavesreadthetealeaves Registered User Posts: 482 Member
    Again, tell them to wait a year before doing anything to follow you. A great deal will change in that year for BOTH you and them. I doubt they will follow after that
  • VeryapparentVeryapparent Registered User Posts: 761 Member
    I am glad your mom understands! I think if you tell your dad to give you a year at school before they make a decision it will all work itself out. I wonder if scheduling in advance several visits would give him more comfort. You seem like a great kid and hope it all works out.
  • powercropperpowercropper Registered User Posts: 1,613 Senior Member
    @RandyErika the OP is only 15 years old. He is up against his parents, who are standing firm in their decision. Even when many other adults are telling parents to rethink the decision, parents are unfazed.

    I believe a counselor could help OP figure out small ways to assert and enforce boundaries now. As a practice towards enforcing bigger boundaries if/when the parents sit on the steps of his dorm waiting for him to return from classes.

  • LindagafLindagaf Registered User Posts: 8,573 Senior Member
    Great job talking to your mom, OP. Maybe just let time and your mom's persuasive powers do their work. Good luck going forward!
  • brantlybrantly Registered User Posts: 3,517 Senior Member
    Sounds like a win-win!
  • nvb123nvb123 Registered User Posts: 151 Junior Member
    @brantly Yay! Btw do you think it would be beneficial staying further away than that? I personally don’t think so, but I’m just curious.
  • menloparkmommenloparkmom Registered User Posts: 12,689 Senior Member
    being within a 2-4 hr driving distance is great!
  • intparentintparent Registered User Posts: 36,031 Senior Member
    I think it is fine. I'd still try to get them to wait until you've been in college for a year before they move, though.

    I have a story I've told other places on CC, but I'll mention it here again. When I dropped D2 off at her college, I sat next to a mom at a lunch for parents during orientation. This mom was from another country, and she asked when I was leaving. I explained that I hadn't been able to get a flight out that day because orientation activities were over at about 4:30 pm (that is when they gently "separated" us from our kids after a reception with the college president for students & families :) ), so I was planning to fly back across the country the next morning. This mom looked aghast, and told me she had rented an apartment across the street from the college and expected to stay to help her kid out for at least 6 months, although maybe with a bit of travel later in the fall to a relative in another part of the states. She planned to cook, do laundry, etc. I gently suggested that she might be able to get more traveling in than that (and sooner), as her D would likely be quite busy with classes and campus.

    I asked my D later in the year about this, and she thought the mom had only ended up staying a month, then wasn't around any more because the kid was too busy anyway. (This was a particularly rigorous school, I don't think the kid had to fake anything!). So... OP, at least your parents are talking 20-30 minutes away. This mom was practically on campus!
  • brantlybrantly Registered User Posts: 3,517 Senior Member
    @nvb123 Are you going to have a car at school? I'm thinking probably not the first year. So the number of driving hours is less important than public transportation options. For scheduled school vacations it's easy to get a ride with another student going in the same direction. But for regular weekends, you might have to take public transit. So, if you are in Boston, and your parents are in NY, it's easy to take Amtrack. The trains are frequent. If you're in Boston and they're in Western Mass, there's a train from Boston to Springfield and Pittsfield, but it doesn't run many times per day, I don't think.
  • RandyErikaRandyErika Registered User Posts: 334 Member
    I understand that there’s no single right way to do things, so maybe there’s nothing wrong with these parents moving somewhere nice a few hours from their son. But it still feels weird to me (my issue, not OPs). Generally if there’s a perceived need for a student to stay close to home, the kid would limit their search to schools within a few hours of where they already live. In this case that could certainly include a bunch of good schools in the Midwest, no?
  • brantlybrantly Registered User Posts: 3,517 Senior Member
    ^^I actually agree with this. But the OP got his parents to back off from their original plan (20-30 minutes), so that's progress.
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