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I’m extremely homesick

brookiew11brookiew11 Registered User Posts: 1 New Member
I moved into my dorm room yesterday and I have not stopped crying since. I miss my mom and my dogs so much it hurts. I have social anxiety so living with 20 other people is incredibly nerve wracking and I’ve only met one person so far because I’ve been hiding in my room crying the entire time missing out on all the events. I’m an introvert so all of the freshers week events send me into an intense panic. I seriously don’t think I can do this and even though I’ve only been here for 24 hours I just want to go home. Does anyone have any advice?

Replies to: I’m extremely homesick

  • juilletjuillet Super Moderator Posts: 12,618 Super Moderator
    You can do it! It'll just take some time! Rome wasn't built in a day, you know ;)

    It's okay to be an introvert and to not want to throw yourself full blast into all the events. Pick a few to attend, and give yourself some time to recharge between them.
  • PublisherPublisher Registered User Posts: 5,437 Senior Member
    You need to focus on something other than your mom & your dogs.

    Stay busy buying books & registering for classes & getting to know the campus.

    Even asking others where they are from & what they intend to study will help.

    Homesickness is normal, but it is also within your control. By focusing on others & other things, you will adjust gradually.
  • brantlybrantly Registered User Posts: 3,464 Senior Member
    edited September 2018

    The more you engage, the more comfortable you'll become. I can promise you one thing: It will NEVER get better if you stay in your room. Also, the easiest time to meet people is in the first three to six weeks. That's when everyone is most open to engaging with everyone else.

    You don't have to go to every event. Pick two that seem most interesting to you. Also, when classes start, you'll be busy.

    Think about the long game. You will not be living with your mom and dogs for the rest of your life. (Well, I guess you can, but that wouldn't be healthy.) You'll have to move your life forward now or next year or in three years or five years or ten years. When would be the right time? Seize this opportunity. You're there already. It does get better.
  • CalDudCalDud Registered User Posts: 1,756 Senior Member
    My experience is a bit different. I went to community college for three years prior to transferring to university while I lived in California and I got an apartment since I couldn't live in the dorms since freshman got priority over juniors for dorm rooms.

    Still, I moved into an apartment complex and never having left home prior to that, I was scared my first week or two because I didn't know anyone and I've never been that far away from my parents before. Something that helped immensely was cultivating friendships throughout my first year there and that slowly made things better. It was very heavy-handed at first but time should eventually sever your strong attachment to your parents.

    As an introvert, I made a lot of friendships that were mostly study-buddy type and I spent a lot of time studying in the library alongside these people because they were also serious about school. At my school, there wasn't any real time to slack off to go have fun or whatever other than the weekends and I mostly spent my weekends drinking beer and playing video games or catching up on laundry and homework. I still spent a good amount of time on the computer and had kept in touch with many people that I wished to remain in touch with over the years.That also helped me when it came to feelings of loneliness.
  • KnowsstuffKnowsstuff Registered User Posts: 1,811 Senior Member
    My son an introvert didn't go to the freshman events the first day or so and it was more sad to us then him. We didn't realize that he needed not to go. He did manage to walk around and check out clubs etc. He ate alone... Again sad to us not him. He was fine. He couldn't find a club he liked, met a kid at a meet-up event he was interested in and formed a group. Now is a leader of that group and people come up to him.... He's getting out of being an introvert and has really changed. Your situation is under your control and no one else's. You mom and dog can't step in for you here. Get the help you need as suggested. Many kids are in the same boat. Sooooo...... Try to meet those kids and others. There are probably meet ups, clubs etc for introverted type people. Search your school. Also what do you like to do or study. There is most likely a club or event for that at your school. Go to that! If you see someone eating alone. Go sit with that person and say hi,ask them about themselves like where do they live and what are they going to study. Everyone is in the same boat and everyone wants to meet someone new.

    Also join study groups. This will be hard for you but just do it. It will force you to be with other people.
  • WWC4meWWC4me Registered User Posts: 199 Junior Member
    Go find your RA and talk. My DD is an RA, an introvert and struggles with anxiety. RAs have been trained to help you navigate this time and/or point you to the resources needed to help you settle in. However, you need to do your part and make the decision to reach out. You can do this.
  • laurel225laurel225 Registered User Posts: 8 New Member
    I'm exactly the same as you. I cried for two weeks straight. By the third week, I've started to feel a little better. I can now think about home without bursting into tears. I know it sucks, but the only thing that's going to make things better is time. I want you to know you're not alone, and I'm glad to know I'm not alone either. As hopeless as it make seem now, it will get better. Just wait. Calling home helps, too, and visiting home if you can.
  • bjkmombjkmom Registered User Posts: 7,442 Senior Member
    OP, how's it going?
  • dadof4kidsdadof4kids Registered User Posts: 485 Member
    Depending on how you know me IRL, you may think I'm pretty quiet and introverted or that I'm the super social type. The reality is that I'm pretty introverted naturally, but I have spent a lot of time, especially when I was your age, working on being more outgoing and social.

    As someone who it does not come naturally to, I have found it helpful to have a list of ice breaker questions in my head when I go into a situation where a will be meeting a bunch of new people (which at this stage of your life is everyday). A few are:

    Where are you from?
    What's your major?
    Which dorm are you in?
    Do you have brothers/sisters?
    How old/do they go to school here/what do they do?
    Did you go to the football game last night?
    Did you bring a car to college?
    Have you joined any organizations yet?

    I'm sure you can think of many more, and some of these won't be on your list. Try to think of questions that may lead you to find a common interest.
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