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Another lonely college student

leafconeybearismartleafconeybearismart 102 replies30 threadsRegistered User Junior Member
I've seen a million posts so I kind of know the drill, I just really wanted to rant about this. It's been 2 months since I started college and I don't have any friends. I know I'm not the only one, I know "everyone" is feeling like this, I know the whole deal. I just feel like my situation is different because I'm really doing everything everyone has told me to do. I'm on a school sport, I'm in a bunch of clubs including college democrats and I'm an editor for the school paper, and I have 2 jobs. I have study groups and leave my dorm door open all the time. My dorm is three floors and 2/3 of it are guys, but all the girls are really cliquey and never talk to me. I eat all my meals alone. I have depression and I was handling it great last year but since I've started college it's gotten so much worse. I talked to a counselor and he pretty much said to wait it out. Also my college isn't really a conventional campus which is what I really wanted, so I'm kind of just upset all around and I don't know how to feel better.
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Replies to: Another lonely college student

  • leafconeybearismartleafconeybearismart 102 replies30 threadsRegistered User Junior Member
    Also, pretty much everybody here drinks/smokes on the weekends and I don't. I go to parties occasionally that are thrown by my team, but I feel really awkward because I'm the only one who isn't drinking and they all make fun of me for it. So I usually just spend my weekends in my dorm room alone which certainly isn't helping my situation
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  • CenterCenter 2204 replies66 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    I think you need to laugh. I know this sounds a little silly but you do. Maybe you also need to not do too much.

    Also, make sure you are getting serious exercise --getting your target heart rate up to really tax yourself. I am not kidding. Most athletes dont really get pushed unless they are pre professional. Really sweating and working hard is really good for the brain. Also--how about starting an outing club or finding one. Get groups to go to a comedy show or a hike. Clubs that dont involve group time are just activities.
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  • scarletw123scarletw123 2 replies2 threadsRegistered User New Member
    edited October 2018
    How are the people in the classes? Is nobody willing to socialize with you in those, or you haven't really been put in that situation?

    When you go to every club meeting, do you sit somewhere near people? Do you talk to the same people again and again? But is their mentality after the club meeting, 'I'll do me and you'll do you?'

    Also, if you're kicking with people who make fun of you for being who you are, then ignore them and move on. College is so big and there are probably a lot of people similar to you. Actually for me after two months I finally met a few people who MIGHT become my friends and they came from the randomest moments.

    Also don't sweat too much about the dorm thing. You've already been there for 2 months and there really isn't much you can do. I personally met 0 people in my floor because my floor is socially dead (but all the other floors aren't as well as the building). You could request to switch your dorm though.
    edited October 2018
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  • leafconeybearismartleafconeybearismart 102 replies30 threadsRegistered User Junior Member
    @scarletw123 I socialize with people in my classes, but once class ends everybody bolts. I always talk to people at club meetings, but no one really is into it or wants to have a conversation so I don't push it. The people who are making fun of me are my teammates so I can't really avoid them, but I'm doing my best to ignore it.
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  • CMB625CMB625 265 replies6 threadsRegistered User Junior Member
    @leafconeybearismart , judging from your name on here, you must like theatre. So is there a theatre department at your school. Can you get involved with anything in that department? Theatre people are almost always welcoming and looking for more friends to join in on the fun!
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  • leafconeybearismartleafconeybearismart 102 replies30 threadsRegistered User Junior Member
    @CMB625 that is another big problem - I love theater, I want to get involved really badly! Unfortunately, apparently at my school the theater kids are veeeerrry exclusive. I searched all over the club/activities fair to find any theatre program, and didn't find one. A girl on my team is a theatre major so I asked her how I can find out about auditions and stuff and she said that unless you're majoring in it, you can't. At all. They don't advertise any of their auditions or how to help with set/costumes except to people who are majoring in it. I'm so disappointed because I really miss being involed in it.
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  • happy1happy1 22879 replies2253 threadsVerified Member Senior Member
    Did you try joining the theater group online? It may get you on the mailing list. https://marquette.presence.io/organization/marquette-university-players-society The website says "All students, regardless of major, are welcome to participate in theatre performances as an actor or designer." You also may want to see if there are less formal theater groups on campus (ex. at my D's LAC she found an impov group that was very low key).
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  • CMB625CMB625 265 replies6 threadsRegistered User Junior Member
    @leafconeybearismart I am sad that you love theatre and can't find a way to be involved. Maybe try a local community theatre (if you have transportation). Or maybe start your own group by having some play readings etc. I almost guarantee you there are other students who aren't theatre majors that would love to carry on their interest in college. I would also suggest you go to any productions that the theatre department at your school does and support them-you might find a way to get involved by getting to know them at the productions or contact one of the theatre professors and ask them how to help. It sounds like maybe the people on your sports team aren't really your type of people, that is too bad because I imagine you have to spend a good amount of time with them. Keep on trying new things and I am sure your life at college will improve soon!
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  • whatisfafsawhatisfafsa 16 replies0 threadsRegistered User Junior Member
    edited October 2018
    @leafconeybearismart - two suggestions if I may:
    For theater, get involved by becoming an usher or stagehand in a local theater. This will open doors.
    For overcoming loneliness, volunteer at a place where you could help less fortunate folks, such as homeless shelter, abused women shelter and the like. I am quite sure many are in need of your good personalities and it will give you perspectives.

    What school are you at? Typically they will have resources you can take advantage of at no cost.
    edited October 2018
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  • lzparelzpare 80 replies18 threadsRegistered User Junior Member
    It's ok to be a lonely college student. As long as you find fulfillment in the things you do you can still feel happy without friends
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  • leafconeybearismartleafconeybearismart 102 replies30 threadsRegistered User Junior Member
    @Sally_Rubenstone
    I guess I should elaborate a little. My sport is Quidditch, and I only joined because I knew that being on a team was a really good way to make friends (plus I wanted a way to stay active). It's not demanding at all, practice twice a week and an occasional tournament on the weekends. I'm really really bad at it which is kind of embarassing but like I said I want to keep active and I was hoping to make friends here. I didn't play any sports in high school, and in middle school I was terrible at them, so it's definietely not a big part of my identity. It's just a club sport, nothing serious.

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  • leafconeybearismartleafconeybearismart 102 replies30 threadsRegistered User Junior Member
    @whatisfafsa I asked the theater major I know if I can usher and she says that it's pretty much only for students who are taking a theatre class (it's required of them). As a matter of fact, I am volunteering at a school near me in the city with kids who I'd consider less fortunate but I don't think it's really helping in any significant way.
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  • Sally_RubenstoneSally_Rubenstone 3019 replies1114 threadsCC Admissions Expert Senior Member
    edited November 2018
    @leafconeybearismart -Joining Quidditch does seem like a fun way to meet like-minded people. But this doesn't seem like it's worked out so well for you. So maybe your next step should be to research some liberal arts colleges where you can take theater classes and take part in productions without being a theater major.

    It's actually not unusual for a lonely or unhappy freshman to pursue a transfer college without giving up entirely on the current one. Even if you decide to research transfer options and then apply, you will still have till late spring to make a commitment (assuming you're applying for a September 2019 start). So keep up your grades and activities as best you can since this will not only boost your transfer acceptance odds but will also make the months ahead as pleasant as possible. But also be on the lookout for new clubs and organizations to consider that might provide the camaraderie you're seeking.
    edited November 2018
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  • PublisherPublisher 8102 replies82 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    edited November 2018
    Agree that applying as a transfer student now can be psychologically comforting without a binding commitment. Just advance preparation for what if things don't work out. Also, can serve as a great motivator to get stellar grades.

    P.S. As an editor of the school newspaper you should never eat meals alone when you have something to read. Stay busy.
    edited November 2018
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