Welcome to College Confidential!

The leading college-bound community on the web

Sign Up For Free

Join for FREE, and start talking with other members, weighing in on community discussions, and more.

Also, by registering and logging in you'll see fewer ads and pesky welcome messages (like this one!)

As a CC member, you can:

  • Reply to threads, and start your own.
  • Post reviews of your campus visits.
  • Find hundreds of pages of informative articles.
  • Search from over 3 million scholarships.

Roommate gone too far?

Lunamoon22Lunamoon22 Registered User Posts: 4 New Member
So recently I have been at my dorms for 6 weeks. I’m the beginning my roommate was super friendly and nice until she started dating this guy. I didn’t mind because relationships are a part of college life so I let the hang out in the room once in a while. However, one day I woke up and I found them sleeping together in the same bed. This happened again a few days later so I established a contract for us of visiting hours and no sleepovers without both of our permissions. I thought this would be the end until I kept waking up and finding them in bed together. She also broke the rule of having past visiting hours. I confronted her about it and she didn’t understand why I was uncomfortable about this situation. I asked her I they can sleep at his apartment but they said that his roommate didn’t like them sleeping over. I told the RA about this and he warned her. She started to try to find loop holes in the contract as I would go to parties and she would have him over since I wasn’t in the room. After 4 non consensual sleepovers and 6 overtime stays along with three confrontations I requested a roommate change. Apparently the RD says they can’t force her out of the room and I have the choice to leave. I love my hall mates so I refused. Since we both don’t want to move and both disagree with each other’s points of views, what should I do. Should I try to find a way to move her out or should I let her stay knowing that she’ll probably break the rules after this 4th confrontation.

Replies to: Roommate gone too far?

  • NorthernMom61NorthernMom61 Registered User Posts: 3,895 Senior Member
    Well you can't have your cake and eat it too. If the situation is intolerant to you, then you may be the one who has to move out.
  • EmpireappleEmpireapple Registered User Posts: 1,169 Senior Member
    She is being very inconsiderate. Dorm rooms are small and overnight guests of that nature are inappropriate. I agree with you that you shouldn't move since you are happy on your floor. Stay strong. I don't think you should back down but I also don't have a solution. Maybe some of your peers will. Sometimes peers have ways of handling these things.
  • TQfromtheUTQfromtheU Registered User Posts: 1,349 Senior Member
    edited November 2018
    As a student, I would be making everyones life so miserable that the boyfriend would not want to come over, much less sleep over. Of course, I can't suggest that. ;-)

    If you have a parent like me, get them involved. I would be pitching a holy fit to find out that my daughter was being forced to endure a male sleeping over in her dorm room. Unacceptable. I seriously doubt your dorm rules don't require him to leave.

    Agree - contact the residence office and whichever dean is responsible for housing.
  • PublisherPublisher Registered User Posts: 5,361 Senior Member
    Start flirting with her boyfriend ? Otherwise, move out as she is not likely to change.
  • Lunamoon22Lunamoon22 Registered User Posts: 4 New Member
    The rules are that you can have a guest sleep over three times a month but it has to be both consensual to both roommates. The RAs and RD don’t really want anyone to move since it cost $75 for paper work and a lot of reporting. I told them I didn’t want to move because I love my hall and I’m really close to my hallmates unlike my roommate who constantly says she only has one friend at the school, her boyfriend. Her argument is that if I don’t like them being in the room, I should be the one to move out. She doesn’t even admit that she violates the contract and the rules. Since no one wants to move out I can either compromise again or take it to the next step to try to persuade the RD to stay in my room. It’s basically an argument to stay.
  • TS0104TS0104 Registered User Posts: 553 Member
    Agree with the above two posts. Your roommate is directly breaking school rules, not just your agreement. I appreciate the RA's position of having you try to work it out, but that failed, and again, SHE IS BREAKING SCHOOL RULES. What is the consequence for that? She's already been given a warning...is the next step a fine? (Because maybe that's enough, and then her parents would be involved). Keep pressing the RD and go above him/her if you need to.
  • readthetealeavesreadthetealeaves Registered User Posts: 408 Member
    @Lunamoon22 As @veryapparent @intparent and @TS0104 have indicated you should go to the Resident Director or Head of Residence life that lives onsite. They will be enforcing the rules for that building or residence. The RA seems to be stating the rules for when both parties are not getting along instead of the consequences when one roommate VIOLATES the housing rules. Most universities have policies against males in female sleeping rooms overnight. Some have certain amount of overnight guests but those are assuming that it is not bothering the other roommate. You are paying for a double and got essentially a triple with a male. If you can get your parents involved. Residence Life professionals must answer to them, the bill payer and often the parents will be able to articulate the situation better because they do not have emotions involved with the roommate. You must push on with it or you will have him there every night if she is able to get away consequence free
  • Conformist1688Conformist1688 Registered User Posts: 1,040 Senior Member
    Call the RA every time he's there when he shouldn't be.

    Do you feel unsafe?
  • intparentintparent Registered User Posts: 35,754 Senior Member
    @readthetealeaves Most universities don’t have rules specific to sleepovers of any gender. But they usually limit the number of nights per semester and usually require that the roommates agree.
  • readthetealeavesreadthetealeaves Registered User Posts: 408 Member
    Some schools e.g. Wheaton College, Augustana U, Wayne State, Whitworth, Snow, U So Carolina (in certain dorms), to name a few, have specific no opposite gender policies. But most schools have the "infringement" policy that does not allow the roommate's guest to infringe on the room renters
  • Lunamoon22Lunamoon22 Registered User Posts: 4 New Member
    @Conformist1688 I do feel safe but each time I come back after a long day, he will be in the room. Just like everyone, I hate enforcing the rules and telling him to leave multiple times when he clearly knows that it’s past visiting hours. Every time he responds he won’t do it again and the cycle repeats.
Sign In or Register to comment.