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3rd Week of College and no friends

claram19claram19 0 replies3 threadsRegistered User New Member
Hi! So I just started my 3rd week of college at a small liberal arts school (~3,000) and I feel like I have no friends. I meet so many people and put myself out there but no one really seems interested in talking to me. Its also not like this is the first time I have ever bee somewhere where I knew no one, I have done lots of summer programs and I moved to a new town in middle school and I have always made friends within a few days. I know the college transition is hard but I'm starting to panic as it seems like everyone else has a friend group and solid friends, and I have like maybe two acquaintances and they aren't even a group. I have joined clubs and tried talking to people in my classes but they are mostly upperclassmen so it's kind of hard. Please give me some advice and tell me if this is normal. (Also I know I may seem kinda crazy but all my friends at other schools and everyone around me seem to have such solid friends already and seem to be thriving and I'm starting to freak)
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Replies to: 3rd Week of College and no friends

  • sushirittosushiritto 3879 replies11 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    Quite common. Advice? Patience. For many, it just takes time. 3 weeks is really not enough time.
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  • Techno13Techno13 125 replies5 threadsRegistered User Junior Member
    Maybe join a club/intramural sport? Or volunteer-based club. Both those types of activities really bring people together. Was there a week of Freshman orientation activities? Hope things turn up for you soon.
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  • BunnyBlueBunnyBlue 841 replies8 threadsRegistered User Member
    This really is normal. As evidence, there are many threads on here from other kids who have the same worry. Just keep on doing what you need to do, exploring new clubs and activities and making small talk with the kids who sit near you in class. I think many times kids who have already found friends act a bit more boisterous and noticeable. There might be some people who are quietly trying to blend in but feeling the same way you do.
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  • IzzyJ69IzzyJ69 9 replies1 threadsRegistered User New Member
    I agree this is normal, but feel for your pain. It took my son a few more weeks to start feeling comfortable. Now he's busy with friends all the time. Hang in there! You seem like a great person!
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  • collegemom3717collegemom3717 6601 replies55 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    it seems like everyone else has a friend group and solid friends,
    all my friends at other schools and everyone around me seem to have such solid friends already

    Don't spook yourself. No matter what it looks like, NONE of them have made "solid" friends in 3 weeks. They may be off to a quick start, or they may turn out to be foxhole buddies that will change in another 3 weeks or 3 months (the most common times for early friend groups to re-constitute themselves is around 6 weeks and 3-4 months). But nobody makes solid friends that fast. It takes time - and some good and bad shared experiences- for people with whom you are friendly to turn into real friends.

    100% you are not the only person at your college or of your friends to be feeling this way. Take a deep breath and go back to basics: focus on things you really like to do and really need to do.

    For the things you really like to do, find other people who like to do that as well (clubs, activities, etc). For the things you really have to do (whether it's study for a test or doing laundry or going to the Admin building to sort something out) look for other people who have to do the same thing. A specific, time limited, shared activity is a low-barrier way to get started knowing people.

    tl;dr: completely, 100% normal!
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  • AlmostThere2018AlmostThere2018 1302 replies46 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    Your friends are getting closer to you every day! Be patient Be open. Make the first move. Asking folks in your classes if they want to study together is an easy entree. Agree an IM sports team and showing up at clubs is also great.

    It's a running joke at college that the first friend groups of first-years usually only last about six weeks anyway so everything is still very fluid -- you're not being left behind.

    As long as you don't close yourself off, you'll be fine.
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  • gardenstategalgardenstategal 5619 replies10 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    You will be fine (and nobody else is as fine as they look!)

    Try to find some activities that will bring you in contact with the same people on a regular basis, whether it's volunteering, a hiking club, Intramural sports, an exercise class, a job on campus. You will feel less alone and get a low pressure way to get to know people. The counseling center often puts together groups of people to process their transition, which could help.

    I know it feels lousy, but you are doing the right things. Hang in there.
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  • milgymfammilgymfam 767 replies14 threadsRegistered User Member
    My D thought she made some fast friends the first couple of weeks of school. Low and behold they’ve partnered up in the third week with romantic relationships and my D had to pull back and throw herself into meeting more and new people again. It’s still early times. It sucks to feel like you’re on the outside but you’re not. Hang in there and keep doing what you’re doing.
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  • EmpireappleEmpireapple 1664 replies25 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    The previous posters have given you some great advice. I will just add that for your generation social media makes it seem like everyone else is having the time of their lives. Instagram, snapchat, stories, etc. keep you all connected and involved in a world that is essentially just a persona. I think it makes it really hard to see that all the friends from high school have adjusted just fine. Keep in mind most of it is a crock. It's all just an online image.
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  • LindagafLindagaf 9155 replies492 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    edited September 12
    Please read this: https://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/2016222-to-those-who-feel-lonely-homesick-friendless-think-they-chose-the-wrong-school-etc.html#latest
    Start on page 1 and read the initial post.

    I’ll add that I wrote the pinned post linked above after my D’s experience as a new freshman 3 years ago. To date, it’s been viewed by over 15,000 people, many of whom have contacted me to say how accurate it is. I swear your post could have been written by my daughter. There is no need to panic. College isn’t summer camp or high school. It takes time to build friendships. Give it time, it will happen.

    Also agree with @gardenstategal . No one, despite what their Instagram says, is as fine as they appear to be. Maybe stay off social media for a few days, because it possibly makes you feel isolated.
    edited September 12
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  • websensationwebsensation 2085 replies38 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    At my kid's college, most kids are too busy studying, ECs, work and projects to really spend time and get close with each other. For this reason, I am not a fan of throwing together kids with different majors as roommates or quad-mates because most of times, they spend time with kids in the same majors. After sharing a room, my kid is looking forward to having his own separate room now because he rather enjoys some quite time.
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