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Nearly 2 Months With No Friends

maciecdmaciecd 1 replies7 threads New Member
So I started college back in August. It’s early October now and I still don’t have any friends. I barely talk to anyone at all. My roommate does sports so she made friends with people on her team, and I get the vibe from her that she doesn’t want me hanging around them, so I keep my distance. People in my dorm aren’t big on keeping their doors open so I haven’t talked to the majority of people on my floor. I eat my meals alone literally every day. I’m not kidding when I say I haven’t shared a meal with another person the entire time I’ve been here.

I do talk to people in my classes. I have semi-acquaintances in almost every class. And I’m even in a group chat with some people from my math class. We all keep planning to meet up to work on assignments, but the plans seem to fall through every time.

I should explain that I have a lot of social anxiety. I went to a dorm mixer event the second night after moving in and had to leave because I was about to have a panic attack. So it’s really hard for me to put myself out there. I know most people suggest going to clubs, but even this is really hard for me. I struggle showing up to events (like clubs) where I don’t know anyone because I freeze up and have panic attacks.

It’s not like I’m absolutely miserable. I’ve become really comfortable in my classes and don’t mind spending a lot of time by myself. But I would be lying if I said I didn’t want friends. I haven’t gone out on the weekend or gone to one party since I got here. I feel like I’m missing out on friendship and the college experience. It’s just that most people have already created a group of friends and I’m not sure exactly what to do?

I know me sitting in my dorm (which is what I usually do) isn’t helping anything, but without friends I kinda have no reason to leave. It’s just a vicious cycle that I can’t seem to end.
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Replies to: Nearly 2 Months With No Friends

  • LindagafLindagaf 9389 replies502 threads Senior Member
    edited October 6
    Please read this: https://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/2016222-to-those-who-feel-lonely-homesick-friendless-think-they-chose-the-wrong-school-etc-p1.html

    Right now, there are at least three (actually, five) other posts on this page from kids with similar problems. You aren’t alone.

    Social anxiety is something you can do something about, with help. Go tomorrow to your campus counseling center and make an appointment. Keep the appointment. Do you try deep breathing when you feel panicky? You have to learn to control it so it doesn’t control you.

    Be casual and ask someone who is friendly and approachable if they want to get coffee. Get a sociable campus job. Volunteer, or get involved in the campus ministry. Join low key clubs or groups. My D had a hard time settling in and joined a knitting club. Someone taught her to knit and she met people and learned a skill. Don’t stay in your room when you’re feeling lonely. You’ll be okay, but friendships take time.
    edited October 6
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  • sdl0625sdl0625 673 replies11 threads Member
    what did you do when you were home and in HS? Did you just have friends from when you were in Elementary school? Or were you a homebody. The reason I ask is that my DS is in a similar boat , but he was not one to hang out with people in HS, so I figure it just going to take time

    I can see how going to a mixer or a club would be an issue with social anxiety. The trick is to try to find someone to just do a one on one. Maybe someone from class, ask them if they want to grab coffee . Put a date/time on it. Aka, "hey, we have a test on Friday maybe Thursday we can grab something and compare notes"
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  • MeddyMeddy 507 replies35 threads Member
    First of all, I think it is great that you are seeking advice here. I would seek out a counselor in addition to the great suggestions already offered here.

    Moving away to go to college is a big deal. Leaving home and comfortable surroundings is a big deal. Making new friends is a big deal. This big transition takes time to get settled. Sometimes it all takes more time than we would like. A counselor can be helpful in talking through some of this social anxiety and navigating the friendships and stress of it all. Take good care of yourself. You are a big deal :)
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  • svlab112svlab112 604 replies7 threads Member
    My D has social anxiety. In college, she did not join any clubs or go to parties. She doesn’t play or like to watch sports.

    She did get a part time job which allowed her to meet and talk with people. She also did activities through MeetUP and volunteered.

    She has worked with a therapist and is much better.
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  • CompEngGirl123CompEngGirl123 50 replies4 threads Junior Member
    "I have semi-acquaintances in almost every class. And I’m even in a group chat with some people from my math class." That sounds just like me during the first 6 or so weeks of my freshman year (I too had no friends but did have acquaintances from classes and was also in a group chat for math class).

    "I’m not kidding when I say I haven’t shared a meal with another person the entire time I’ve been here." It's actually not that uncommon for people to sit alone during meal times (I did it all the time), so it's not necessarily weird/odd/surprising for a college student to be eating alone. Even for people that have friends, some of them still eat meals alone since a person and his/her friends might be running at different class/job/extracurricular schedules (it's not like in high school where the same students eat lunch at the exact same time every day).

    "I know me sitting in my dorm (which is what I usually do) isn’t helping anything, but without friends I kinda have no reason to leave." Well, you don't necessarily need friends to leave your room and do fun things. There's plenty of fun things you can do alone. You can go for a walk or bike ride, try playing the piano if your dorm has a piano room, go to a movie (some colleges have free movie theaters, don't know if yours has one), go out to eat at a restaurant, go to the gym, etc. I don't know how severe your anxiety is nor what exactly your anxiety triggers are so some of the activities I listed you may or may not feel comfortable with trying right now, but at the very least you can go for a relaxing walk or bike ride around campus, right? And maybe if you start seeing a mental health counselor, you'll gradually become more comfortable with doing activities you are not normally comfortable with, including even going to events and club meetings.

    Also, what might be a good idea to try is doing homework in your dorm lounge (or another environment besides your room). This suggestion might not be for everyone because some people might have different ideas for ideal study spaces and may have lower tolerance for background noise, but doing homework in your dorm lounge or another public place where there's other students around might make it easier to make friends.

    Good luck on making friends! Also, I read your other thread about struggling with making friends after 4 days of being in college, so I want to remind you that making friends is not a race! Most freshmen don't make many friends yet after 4 days (that's a really short time period) and at the 2 month mark there's still many freshmen who struggle with making friends (which is why there are a lot of recent "struggling to make friends" threads on this forum). You just got to be patient and keep trying.
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